Not able to gauge ex reaction

Hi All, just wanted to get some perspective.

Me and my ex dated for like 5 months had a beautiful time, we loved each other and decided to be together, we went on a small trip to one of the world wonders i made everything special, we had sex, spent lot of time together bought her surprise gifts but after returning back just 2 weeks later she broke it off stating she is not right for me , i deserve better, i will not be accepted by her parents and many more stuff which didnt make sense and i felt she was quite disrespectful.She later went back to her ex even though he is an abusive person, does gambling, is jobless for years and emotionally mentally physically hurts her. The day she broke it off i paid off her vehicle repairs she was running low on finance, she hadn't serviced it for many years. She offered me the amount later by taking loans but i said i dont need it she can pay off her card debts with that.

Anyways, i thought lets cut contact but we kept messaging each other i trying to get some closure and she telling me she made right decision and there was no option for her, am a good person. i started observing a different persona she became quite rude disrespectful uncaring told me she cannot care for me support me, a person i could never think of dating...this kept happening until some days back when we decided lets be nice to each other, i told her i respected her decision, will be cordial as we are coworkers too.

Next day she starts getting angry snappy again on whatsapp i said we decided to be nice then why she is acting like it, she puts up a dp of 3 months rest in peace on whatsapp, i tell her look its 3 months of breakup, sounds childish and immature to put somethin like this, i told her to do it privately why on public forum, she says its not about us its the baby i lost today, i got confused, i asked her if she was pregnant with our baby since we had unprotective sex, she said we never had sex, she is talking about a baby she lost 3 years before, she had a relationship with that ex where she lost her baby.

She then later said i made a big issue , i said i was not aware about her lose and apologized to her told her am not insensitive person since i also lost my baby with my ex long back and understand her pain but it didnt make sense to put 3 months dp for 3 years of loss, i felt it was quite manipulative but didnt say it to her.

Later she messaged me saying she is an insensitive uncompassionate inconsiderate person and i should stay away from her leave her alone in peace..me already in lot of shock with her nasty messages some of them regarding our sex, says we never had sex, for babies we need to have sex etc, when we did it i ejaculated by removing before climax but was not sure fully, i felt quite disrespectful of all the things she said. I could hardly reply to 1 or 2 messages, she sent me so many messages.

Left me dump stuck for sometime, i stopped and then later clarified with just 1 msg on the 3 months thing to her, why it felt confusing to me and said will not msg her again and then she started another onslaught of hurtful messages.

I immediately blocked her off and have decided not to contact her again.

all this resulted in my body to go into a shock, started trembling and chest pains increased , took an aspirin thinking it could be an attack, called my aunt and went to doc , got a ECG done basically i went through a mild attack, left side of body was numb , BP shot up, and it took me like a day to recover from this.

Quite confused with all this, called in sick , told my manager had an attack and will take few days to recover.

I will see her again in office next week feel like scared to even talk to her.

I felt stupid myself to react to her behavior should have left her alone long back i feel.

Sorry to hear this. You did the right thing cutting contact and blocking her. Make sure she and all her people are blocked And deleted from All your messaging apps and social media and devices. At work be professional try to avoid her. Do not drag this out or have anything further to do with her including any sort of looks or gossip at the office.

I immediately blocked her off and have decided not to contact her again.

 

I will see her again in office next week feel like scared to even talk to her.

 

all this resulted in my body to go into a shock, started trembling and chest pains increased , took an aspirin thinking it could be an attack, called my aunt and went to doc , got a ECG done basically i went through a mild attack, left side of body was numb , BP shot up, and it took me like a day to recover from this.

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Why are you being so over the top dramatic ?

You had an anxiety induced panic attack , not a heart attack!

She ended it , so why at that point did you continue contact with her? What were you hoping for?

I think she remained in contact because of work , but she ended up resenting even that because you didn’t let her go?

Why didn’t you?

You seem overly focused on comparing yourself to her ex , without considering her feelings ,which was to not continue with you. In future focus on what you are gaining from a friendship or relationship not just what you can give , which often isn’t what the other wants.

Go to work and be civil.

I was trying to reconcile with her cause the break off didnt make sense after the holiday all was so sudden i just didnt understand the reasons, it took me a while to accept it. I did tell her i cant remain friends due my feelings she didnt accept it. But still continued contact on and off, and then finally this happened.

At work i have strictly advised her not to discuss anything personal, i keep away all the time after she partially moved to different project.

All personal talk was decided to be outside office hours

Well have never had such an experience so if comes across over the top apolozies just wrote what i felt.

I dont know if consciously am comparing myself with her ex but felt she shouldn't have gone back to an abuser but its her choice and i left it at that.

it took me a while to accept it. I did tell her i cant remain friends due my feelings she didnt accept it. But still continued contact on and off, and then finally this happened.

 

She didn’t accept it??? Too bad! She shouldn’t have had that choice! She chose to end it, your choice how to deal with that. If your choice is to have no contact then it’s up to her to respect that. She clearly didn’t. For selfish reasons , but then YOU had a choice to block her when she disrespected you.

Then you had an anxiety attack!

Remove stress triggers to prevent anxiety , deep breathing helps, aspirin doesn’t.

Doctors have to go through the motions of doing ECG etc because anxiety attacks can resemble heart attacks but only based on what the patient describes. They do the tests just to prove it’s not a heart attack.

It is a waste of time and resources but somehow you feel justified? But that’s you being overly dramatic about everything.

Even here you are looking for sympathy over your “attack” ? And you never actually told the readers it was a panic attack not a heart attack? Why?

Well both my parents had similar symtoms and when dad passed away due to heart attack, docs said its good to take an aspirin until you reach the hospital for further checkups, the ECG reports as per the doc , show mild attack symtoms and they said it was good on my part to have taken aspirin as it smoothes blood flow.

Just to clarify not looking for sympathy just told what i went through never had experience of a panic attack before to be honest so its a panic attack i accept it.

She didn’t accept it??? Too bad! She shouldn’t have had that choice! She chose to end it, your choice how to deal with that. If your choice is to have no contact then it’s up to her to respect that. She clearly didn’t. For selfish reasons , but then YOU had a choice to block her when she disrespected you.

/QUOTE]

 

I didnt block her until she said she wants to be left alone, i have blocked her on all platforms now and i thought i could get her back with limited no contacts.

Are you in a supervisory position? You need to leave her alone. Someone like this could turn around and claim sexual harassment. Get to a doctor and therapist if you are having frequent panic attacks. Get a completely physical. They don't send people home who have new onset cardiac disease. In any case time to get to a doctor not just gobble aspirin if you get choked up.

At work i have strictly advised her not to discuss anything personal, i keep away all the time after she partially moved to different project.

Yes am the manager, i agree about the harassment part and realize now that she wants me to leave her alone i need to respect that. We only see eachother on the floor when she comes over and sits near to my desk for work else for me to keep no contact i have changed my lunch times , so it doesnt clash with hers, sometimes i go out for lunch with other colleagues, a recent office get together i skipped it cause she was involved.

Yikes! Cover your butt before she files a sexual harassment case. Stay far far away from her in and outside of work. Start acting professional and stop dating underlings.

Yes am the manager, i agree about the harassment part and realize now that she wants me to leave her alone i need to respect that.

Well both my parents had similar symtoms and when dad passed away due to heart attack, docs said its good to take an aspirin until you reach the hospital for further checkups, the ECG reports as per the doc , show mild attack symtoms and they said it was good on my part to have taken aspirin as it smoothes blood flow.

 

Just to clarify not looking for sympathy just told what i went through never had experience of a panic attack before to be honest so its a panic attack i accept it.

It’s all well and good to take a blood thinner given family history of heart disease and going to a local GP for peace of mind.

But why mention on here that you had an ECG? It’s irrelavant to your story and causes people to focus on the dramatics.

That suggests to me you are seeking sympathy rather than advice?!

What are you looking for here?

I’m now thinking just to vent? Which is fine , but that also means not looking for a reply?

Is that correct?

Thanks Billie am not looking for sympathy, just a perspective if it comes across as vent or expecting sympathy then its my mistake how i drafted it, but to be honest most of my friends had already warned me long back not to trust her with her behaviour but i kept going with the relationship as i found her to be honest warm respectful throughout our relationship.

Am just confused with the way it ended didnt make sense much earlier

I feel like i was a rebound, she was not over her ex, she used to tell me he was a monster and treated her badly. I am just at lost with her decision to be honest to go back to him.

Now that you and wiseman are putting out some perspective it make sense.

Embarassed to go back to my friends who had earlier disapproved her for me. I have yet to tell them.

I have made mistakes too like not cutting contact the day she broke it off let my heart rule over my mind. I was too worried for her when i learned she went back to him, couldnt cut contact cause of emotions getting better of me

I doubt you allow emotions to get the better of you at work when you're running your department. So don't act like that away from work. She is an employee. Treat her like one.

And stop with the messaging. She isn't coming back to you and isn't going to start acting nice again. Your insistence on contacting her is the reason for your panic attacks, not the cure for them.

Why would you stay in contact after she dumped you for her ex? This should have been your closure.

This woman cheated on and dumped you. Now. she is nasty by text, yet you continued to respond.

You need to look for another job, she is not good for your health. You had an anxiety attach, not a heart attack.

I doubt you allow emotions to get the better of you at work when you're running your department. So don't act like that away from work. She is an employee. Treat her like one.

 

And stop with the messaging. She isn't coming back to you and isn't going to start acting nice again. Your insistence on contacting her is the reason for your panic attacks, not the cure for them.

I agree, will stick to keeping it professional at work , will not remove her from block felt quite disrespectful this time. Will not be in a position to trust her again.

You should know not to date your staff.

A lot of bad judgement was used. All around.

Why would you stay in contact after she dumped you for her ex? This should have been your closure.

 

This woman cheated on and dumped you. Now. she is nasty by tex, yet you continued to respond.

 

You need to look for another job, she is not good for your health. You had an anxiety attach, not a heart attack.

I dont know Holly i might have my own issues of being attached too much, low self esteem self worth i understand should have kept high standards and let her go the first time she broke it off, its my mistake.

I am looking for another job hope it works out soon.

Will not be dating any coworkers again this kind experience is really unhealthy

I dont know Holly i might have my own issues of being attached too much, low self esteem self worth i understand should have kept high standards and let her go the first time she broke it off, its my mistake.

 

I am looking for another job hope it works out soon.

Will not be dating any coworkers again this kind experience is really unhealthy

That sounds like a good plan.

Spawn, do you have an active social life and interests?

Yes Holly usually weekends are busy with friends, thought of taking up guitar classes and meetups but never could work out a schedule before due to this IT job and the travel time to office, spend 4 hrs a day on travel.Will need to start working on it.

One thing i remember many times during our relationship she used to act in weird way when i used to call her at home or while travelling to her parents home she used to say am sending over the documents to office, i was like am asking about you and why you talking like this always felt she was with somebody else i never found out though

If she is in an abusive relationship, she is better off not having affairs with her boss. That puts her at risk. Best to leave her alone and cease all contact, if you are worried about her welfare. Make sure you are professional and impartial at work. Do not use any form of personal communication with her.

I was too worried for her when i learned she went back to him

Wow!

You should count your blessings this didn't blow up in your face more.

What I see is she took you for a test drive while on a "break" from her abusive bf and now he has pulled her back in so she is rewriting history so she doesn't get abused more by him.

She has shown you who she is and you ignored it time and again. If your best friend of brother was in this mess what would you have advised them to do? Chase after an unstable woman that told you to get lost and got back with her ex or learn to accept she was not what you had hoped she was and go total no contact?

There are numerous ways you got off lucky so count your blessings and stay the hell away from her! Chances are her ex will slap her around or they will get in a huge fight and she will leave him again and start sniffing around you again. DO NOT engage with her no matter what she says or promises!!!

Lost

I think you need time to heal. Only time will do it. Give yourself plenty of time and space and next time think twice about dating anyone in the work place. Consider that area sacred and totally off limits for awhile. If you're still working out the dating scene or don't have too much experience dating or feel you have a history of dating individuals who are less mature or able to put aside personal differences, do not date your coworkers or anyone under you.

There are plenty of other ways to meet other people. You can network outside of your company at social events, date online, join clubs and meet people through shared interests.

The whole work place dating topic aside, you mentioned you felt she was disrespectful to you several times. I agree with you. She was disrespectful. Discrediting parts about your relationship is unnecessary especially considering she broke it off with you. There should have been some etiquette there. It's not being fair to you and it certainly isn't classy. Just take it all with a grain of salt because this person is going through other issues in her life.

Unfortunately, I think what she might have felt is that you didn't get the point that it was over because it was so sudden for you. She may have felt nervous about the break up and the suddenness and didn't know how to behave around you (not very experienced or mature) so she behaved badly and rudely. Going forward with all your break ups, don't continue speaking as if you're friends after breaking up with someone. End it simply and respectfully and wish each other well. You have no reason to continue communicating via Whatsapp. Communicate in your work emails professionally and be respectful of each other in person in the office or work place or during company events - nothing more. Yes, her status was manipulative and overdramatic in relation to your dating history together but by eliminating that type of communication with her you are also eliminating any misunderstandings.

Learn to take no for an answer. She's saying no. It doesn't feel good at all (yes, I know what that feels like) but keep your chin up and don't let this get the better of you. Don't speak to her anymore via text message and if you feel the need there's a link/another thread on this forum for "contact your ex and post your message here" type of deal or text one of your friends. Mind yourself in other ways. You can do it.

Thanks Wiseman2, lost and Rose.

I know there are faults in me too for getting attracted to such personalities, i might not get involved for a while just so to get my head n heart straight, this has me in a mess.