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Thread: NEED ADVICE for my 6 years relationship (last 2 years in LONG DISTANCE)

  1. #1

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    NEED ADVICE for my 6 years relationship (last 2 years in LONG DISTANCE)

    I would really appreciate any kind of advice, especially in positive sense cause i've been really in emotional mess these days.. :/
    So, i'm in 6 years relationship, last 2 years in long distance relatioship due to her work in another country.. We really love each other(i think so, and i felt it so many times)..there were some difficult times when i didn't realise that we haven't spoke on video calls for a week or 10 days and it made us distant and cold..so in may this year she felt like pulling away (she said that her feelings are not like they were before)..but i was sure that that was not true, and that is just some difficult period we were going through.. I was very angry on myself and tried to make things right. So i didnt tell her and i went to visit her without her knowing. She was suprised but she said that she expected it. We spent 3 days together, slept together and things wasnt as good as i expected them to be. Our connection was not like it was before..so i came back to my country dissapointed. BUT, I was wrong..when i came back, things became really good. We were on our track again, things were better than ever. So, a month later i went to her again and propose her in a really nice way. She was sooooo happy, i was sooo happy. We were engaged :) . We planned things, wedding, everything.. Wedding supposed to be on 9.11.2019 but due to some formal issues (the plan was that i would go to live in country where she lives now because its better than our country) and because of some paper and visa issues it would be better to do it next year, probably may 2020. So, today is 12.12.2019 and she was here with me in october and november for 10 days each month, and now im going on 27.12.2019 to her on new years eve.. But, these last 5-6 days she is feeling really.cold for.me, we havent spoke whats happening but it really seems.for me a similar situation from may.. I hope it is not the case, but i'm really worried what is going to happen. I can't think about anything else. We are so close to achieve all of our goals, and yet this is happening now. So people, please if you have some advice for me, how should i act, what should i ask, and of course what is your opinion on this..
    LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE YOUR COMMENTS 🙏

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think you need to give up your idea of marriage with someone whom you haven't seen much for two years.

    Is she going to stay in the country she's in permanently?

  3. #3
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    I’m on the other end of the spectrum - don’t freak out about a few days of *perceived* coldness 6 years into a relationship.

    What makes you think she’s *intending* to be “cold” the last week or so? Examples?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Only seven months ago she said she was lacking in feelings for you. In what you describe, your foundation is too fragile to be entering into marriage. Why you showed up uninvited in her country when things were rocky is very telling of how you operate, which is scary. It's like you're driving the train and she's on board for the ride whether she likes it or not. I'm guessing she's more on the passive side, avoiding confrontation and appeasing instead of doing what she thinks is best for herself. Maybe she's apprehensive about telling you she wants out, because she's afraid you'll get on a plane again and overpower the situation. What kind of social life do you have besides having her in your life?

    You'd been together four years before she moved away? Why did she, and what was the plan back then when that happened? Was she trying to get away from you? Most people expect equal effort in a relationship, and it's best you sit back and wait for that effort to see if a person is invested or not. If they don't, get the message, instead of going into stalker mode. Yes, at some point if there is no effort after it veers into some length, you can have a conversation that the relationship isn't working for you, and you'd wanted more from a relationship, but again you give the person a chance to show they care, and if they don't, you walk away, because you shouldn't have to fight and plead for someone to be your partner.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Chris111
    I would really appreciate any kind of advice, especially in positive sense cause i've been really in emotional mess these days.. :/

    So, I'm in 6 years relationship, last 2 years in long distance relationship due to her work in another country. We really love each other(i think so, and i felt it so many times)..there were some difficult times when I didn't realise that we hadn't spoken on video calls for a week or 10 days and it made us distant and cold. So in may this year she felt like pulling away (she said that her feelings are not like they were before)..but i was sure that that was not true, and that is just some difficult period we were going through.


    I was very angry on myself and tried to make things right. So I didn't tell her and i went to visit her without her knowing. She was surprised but she said that she expected it. We spent 3 days together, slept together and things weren't as good as i expected them to be. Our connection was not like it was before..so i came back to my country disappointed.


    BUT, I was wrong..when I came back, things became really good. We were on our track again, things were better than ever. So, a month later I went to her again and propose her in a really nice way. She was sooooo happy, i was sooo happy. We were engaged :) . We planned things, wedding, everything.. Wedding supposed to be on 9.11.2019 but due to some formal issues (the plan was that I would go to live in country where she lives now because its better than our country) and because of some paper and visa issues it would be better to do it next year, probably may 2020.


    So, today is 12.12.2019 and she was here with me in October and November for 10 days each month, and now I'm going on 27.12.2019 to her on new years eve.. But, these last 5-6 days she is feeling really.cold for.me, we haven't spoken about what is happening, but it really seems for me a similar situation like may. I hope it is not the case, but I'm really worried what is going to happen. I can't think about anything else. We are so close to achieve all of our goals, and yet this is happening now.

    So people, please if you have some advice for me, how should i act, what should i ask, and of course what is your opinion on this.. LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE YOUR COMMENTS 🙏
    I broke that up into paragraphs to make it easier to read.

    Be optimistic.

    Given this is the woman you love and are planning to marry very soon, if you are feeling she is cold, why don't you ask her what is happening and give her the support she needs?

    You don't need to be blunt, just introduce the subject in a non-intense way.

    Maybe she just had a hard week at work and is feeling a bit tired.

  7. #6

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    We have just spoke on video call and it seems really okay, and now i'm a little worried about my state of worryness..maybe it is the affect from our situation from may, and i feel anxious every time when small thing happens.. She was reaally fine on communication with me, now i feel i have this issue of overreacting on things, because i felt really in emotional mess these past few days (i looked in our conversations these days and in objective way of speaking it all looks pretty okay).. We talked about my visit, what should i bring with me etc... Maybe i should talk to psychologist on this negative thoughts that follows me 😅

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I am getting the feeling like there's some real urgency to start your lives as a married couple and for you to move to her country. Slow things down. Speak to someone if you have to. At this rate, you'll burn out and the relationship will unravel.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are there any plans to ever live in the same country? What you are doing is not sustainable. If either you or she wants a decent life with a partner, family, etc you are going to have to break up and meet someone local. Your angst is due to being apart for way too long.
    Originally Posted by Chris111
    We have just spoke on video call and it seems really okay, and now i'm a little worried

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    wait.....this woman was local for 4 years and then left you and went to another country? A woman in love with you would not leave you.


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