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Thread: Help Needed please

  1. #11

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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    You both sound really miserable. What is the glue that holds you together? I am curious.
    I think what keeps me going on in this relationship is if I take a step to move out will make her and her parents life miserable. Also, I feel I was the one who accepted everything and decided to still go ahead with everything. We had an inter-cast marriage, no problems from my side but her family is quite reserved.

  2. #12
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    It's your life, you don't owe her anything. If you leaving makes her and her parents miserable they are just going to have to suck it up.

    She already sounds miserable anyway. End it and start a new life, for both of your sakes.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Bad behavior leads to bad consequences. In this case, the consequence is divorce.

    You worry that her parents will feel bad if you divorce their daughter? Yet, they don't seem to worry at all when they witness their daughter abusing and belittling you right in front of them.

    You worry that she will feel bad, yet she doesn't seem to show any concern, care, or even basic human decency for you.

    How about you start worrying more about your own well being and show some love to yourself. What you call love is really more codependence and you really need to delve deeper within yourself as to why you put up with abuse and make excuses for it. Just because your relationship was built on abuse and you tolerating it, doesn't mean it needs to continue. When you make a mistake, you don't keep doing it - you stop, learn from it, and move on.

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Bad behavior leads to bad consequences. In this case, the consequence is divorce.

    You worry that her parents will feel bad if you divorce their daughter? Yet, they don't seem to worry at all when they witness their daughter abusing and belittling you right in front of them.

    You worry that she will feel bad, yet she doesn't seem to show any concern, care, or even basic human decency for you.

    How about you start worrying more about your own well being and show some love to yourself. What you call love is really more codependence and you really need to delve deeper within yourself as to why you put up with abuse and make excuses for it. Just because your relationship was built on abuse and you tolerating it, doesn't mean it needs to continue. When you make a mistake, you don't keep doing it - you stop, learn from it, and move on.
    Since our last fight sometime in September when she verbally abused me and I hung up on her I have hardly spoken to her unless required. I did do most of the household chores until November end however since I finished working at my previous employment and don't start at new place until January we had a discussion around 1st week of December and last week of I moving out and she asking for another chance I made my terms clear of what I expect that she be more responsible and stop depending on me for everything.

    I will give her time until January next year if she still manages to mess things up I am moving out straightaway. I have nothing to lose anymore.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    It's your life, you don't owe her anything. If you leaving makes her and her parents miserable they are just going to have to suck it up.

    She already sounds miserable anyway. End it and start a new life, for both of your sakes.
    Her parents know how she is. The other day her mother messaged me requesting to end the fight and forgive her and all the heartbreaking words she has said to me, that day I did feel to just open up and say all what she did as she knows just half it but I stayed quiet thinking if I do say things I hope nothing happens to her and the blame comes to me. If I mention any of this to my mum she will explode in rage and tell me straight away to move out and I don't deserve any of this.

    I will give a chance and see until January, if not change I walk out quietly.

  7. #16
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    She's not going to change.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop complaining to her parents and whining to your parents about the marriage. Did they arrange it or were they against an inter-caste marriage? You need to cut the apron strings and be part of your own household now.

    Stop acting like a victim. She wants a divorce. You need to stop being at each other's throats and figure out a budget so you can send some of your money back to your parents and also figure out a household chore and errands schedule.

    You depict her as lazy because you have to help out in household drudgery. But that's the way it goes. Make a list of who does what. Including the burden of her parents and yours, financially and time-wise. Make a list and a budget of who earns what what your expenses are, get rid of money and time wasting ...especially nonsense fighting over everyday things.
    Originally Posted by Mcal24
    if I take a step to move out will make her and her parents life miserable. We had an inter-cast marriage, no problems from my side but her family is quite reserved.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mcal24
    Her parents know how she is. The other day her mother messaged me requesting to end the fight and forgive her and all the heartbreaking words she has said to me, that day I did feel to just open up and say all what she did as she knows just half it but I stayed quiet thinking if I do say things I hope nothing happens to her and the blame comes to me. If I mention any of this to my mum she will explode in rage and tell me straight away to move out and I don't deserve any of this.

    I will give a chance and see until January, if not change I walk out quietly.
    Her mother isn't your friend. She raised the monster that your wife is and she continues to enable her horrible behavior by asking you to keep accepting abuse. The entire family is toxic.

    You KNOW you are being abused when you can't tell people who actually care about you the truth about your relationship because they will do whatever it takes to make you leave the horrible situation you are in. Think on that and actually get out of this marriage.

    Giving her chances is just you hoping that's she'll somehow have a complete personality and character change. She won't. Doing some chores around the house won't change the spoiled, angry, abusive woman that she is. It's like putting lipstick on a pig. It won't turn the pig into a supermodel.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Stop complaining to her parents and whining to your parents about the marriage. Did they arrange it or were they against an inter-caste marriage? You need to cut the apron strings and be part of your own household now.

    Stop acting like a victim. She wants a divorce. You need to stop being at each other's throats and figure out a budget so you can send some of your money back to your parents and also figure out a household chore and errands schedule.

    You depict her as lazy because you have to help out in household drudgery. But that's the way it goes. Make a list of who does what. Including the burden of her parents and yours, financially and time-wise. Make a list and a budget of who earns what what your expenses are, get rid of money and time wasting ...especially nonsense fighting over everyday things.
    I haven't complained nor shared to anyone until now when I shared with all of you and only my sister recently. I just mentioned that her parents know how her behavior is. I have already told her whatever she thinks I will be sending some money back home for my father's care and its hardly 230 per month which is enough for his month expense.

    She doesn't want to separate as she knows no one else will tolerate her behavior like me. On other note, I have no issues in helping out in household chores that is exactly how I was raised by my mother.

  11. #20

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Her mother isn't your friend. She raised the monster that your wife is and she continues to enable her horrible behavior by asking you to keep accepting abuse. The entire family is toxic.

    You KNOW you are being abused when you can't tell people who actually care about you the truth about your relationship because they will do whatever it takes to make you leave the horrible situation you are in. Think on that and actually get out of this marriage.

    Giving her chances is just you hoping that's she'll somehow have a complete personality and character change. She won't. Doing some chores around the house won't change the spoiled, angry, abusive woman that she is. It's like putting lipstick on a pig. It won't turn the pig into a supermodel.
    I totally agree with you. I will definitely be getting out of this soon.

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