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Thread: Just the basics - is he into me?

  1. #31
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    Not interested. Someone that cancels last minute with no offer of another time is not keen.

    He likes u as a person, just not romantically. :s sorry.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    Okay: Update time

    I had a meeting with my crush and two other volunteers.
    I mentioned how I'm going to meet up with one of my friends who might give me some insights into social media stuff.
    He VOLUNTEERED to go with me and meet up with MY friends. He'll have to travel to my city etc etc. He said he'd like to go with me to listen to what my friend has to say. Honestly, I was floored in the meeting. I actually said "oh really?" "that's great!"

    I then received an email (during our meeting) from a person that we previously had a meeting with a week ago. I read the email out loud to the other people in the meeting. The last line from the email mentioned that the guy wanted to meet me "1 on 1" again later on.

    When I said the words "1 on 1" my crush scoffed at the language. I think he knew what 1 on 1 meant.
    Anyways - I mentioned how I didn't really want to go by myself. He was a little hesitant to commit to going with me.

    I had another conversation with my crush yesterday.
    I asked him once more about meeting up with my friend. He confirmed he was good to go.

    I then mentioned the whole meet up with the other guy who made me feel uncomfortable. He said he understood why I felt awkward. He then said he'd be willing to go with me.

    I thanked him etc.
    And then explained why I thought it was better for him to go with me than another one of our other volunteers.

    He then said "no really, I don't mind going"

    I thought the interaction was pretty good.

    Of course, his text messages overall suck. We sorta left it at that. I ended the conversation saying we'd speak about everything in the new year. He agreed.
    No goodbye, no have a good night, no anything.

    I will say though that I was impressed that he answered me right away when I first texted him. I figured it was quite late at night - so why would he text back. I wasn't expecting an immediate response.

    And of course, as usual - no initiation of any damn conversations :)
    But, the fact that he wanted to get together with my friend I thought was a positive - what do ENAers think?

    Thanks for letting me gush a bit!
    Still very dry, Tee. I'm reaching here. If the meet with your friend is not social but having to do with your volunteer work, I wouldn't read too much into this. I'd see how it goes overall but this guy is really not giving you anything else except professionalism and professional support on a volunteer basis. I think he senses you're a friendly person and is easy to be around with and volunteer with but beyond that I can't see it.

    I don't think he's oblivious to your advances or your friendliness. He could be very cautious but I would try my darnest not to read into this too much. Just enjoy each others' company as volunteer buddies. I don't want to see you get hurt over this if he's not asking you out on a date. Let us know how it goes. And also yes take someone with you on that "1 on 1" meet with that other person and meet in a public space like a coffee shop or library. It's safer that way especially if you don't feel comfortable with it to begin with.

  3. #33
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Not interested. Someone that cancels last minute with no offer of another time is not keen.

    He likes u as a person, just not romantically. :s sorry.
    No, it's cool! Thanks very much for your feedback!
    It's odd, when it comes to looks, everyone I know says I'm out of his league.
    I just figured because he's very quiet that maybe he's super shy about making advances.
    But, yah, it all makes sense.
    Ah well, onward and upward.

    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Still very dry, Tee. I'm reaching here. If the meet with your friend is not social but having to do with your volunteer work, I wouldn't read too much into this. I'd see how it goes overall but this guy is really not giving you anything else except professionalism and professional support on a volunteer basis. I think he senses you're a friendly person and is easy to be around with and volunteer with but beyond that I can't see it.

    I don't think he's oblivious to your advances or your friendliness. He could be very cautious but I would try my darnest not to read into this too much. Just enjoy each others' company as volunteer buddies. I don't want to see you get hurt over this if he's not asking you out on a date. Let us know how it goes. And also yes take someone with you on that "1 on 1" meet with that other person and meet in a public space like a coffee shop or library. It's safer that way especially if you don't feel comfortable with it to begin with.
    RM - thanks so much for your continued feedback on my little venture!
    I will definitely let everyone on here know how it goes.
    Your words are quite wise - from here on out I won't be reading into anything anymore. Like I posted - initially I thought he was just super shy and awkward with this type of thing. I thought the intense staring was a bit odd when we first met - but that's it.
    I think it takes posting my situation on here and getting objective feedback that will help me see things for what they are.
    I'll just enjoy my time, like you said, with little to no expectations.

    Should I try to make any advancements?
    I guess one thing I'm trying to understand - if he isn't oblivious to my advances - is why would he bother inviting himself into my meet up? I didn't invite him. I just mentioned my intentions (and I even said I'd be helping my friend out to re-decorate his space as payback for his advice). If he wants distance, there was no need to do this at all.

    Maybe you can help me understand that one odd aspect.

    Thanks again. Your advice is always amazing RM. I've read quite a few of your posts and agree with all of them!
    Last edited by teeEFc; 12-19-2019 at 07:17 AM.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Date outside of work. Do not put men you work with in positions like this. Stop telling everyone you work with about your crushes. It's unprofessional. Refer to him as your colleague not 'your crush'.

    This is not a romance or a relationship. Stop embarrassing men at work and worse embarrassing yourself by pretending there is some sort of thing between you. You don't want to ruin anyone's reputation by telling coworkers he somehow likes you. It unfair to him.
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    But, the fact that he wanted to get together with my friend I thought was a positive - what do ENAers think?

  5.  

  6. #35
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Date outside of work. Do not put men you work with in positions like this. Stop telling everyone you work with about your crushes. It's unprofessional. Refer to him as your colleague not 'your crush'.

    This is not a romance or a relationship. Stop embarrassing men at work and worse embarrassing yourself by pretending there is some sort of thing between you. You don't want to ruin anyone's reputation by telling coworkers he somehow likes you. It unfair to him.
    Hey Wiseman!

    Thanks for coming back on this thread to give me some more advice.

    Maybe I didn't make myself clear - no one knows I like this guy in our organization.
    My friend who he's agreed to meet up with also doesn't know anything, nor do I intend on telling him.
    So yah, the only ppl who know I like this guy are the folks on here and my friends I've confided in who have nothing to do with my volunteer organization.

    Does that help clarify things? I'm not daft enough to do something that foolish :)

    Also: This is a volunteer org - not my workplace.
    I was told that you should volunteer more, sign up for teams/clubs etc. to meet a potential new partner. Honestly, I am stuck. If you advise that I shouldn't meet anyone in any organization - unless I randomly meet them on the street- I don't know what to do to meet new ppl. None of my friends know any single ppl. I am in a city that's quite unfriendly (notoriously) so you don't just get ppl talking to you at coffee shops etc.

    If you have tangible suggestions, please let me know. Seriously - I respect your opinions. What do ppl do to meet others outside of their ACTUAL workplace other than tinder etc? I really want to avoid that stuff again.
    Last edited by teeEFc; 12-19-2019 at 08:27 AM.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    Hey Wiseman!

    Thanks for coming back on this thread to give me some more advice.

    Maybe I didn't make myself clear - no one knows I like this guy in our organization.
    My friend who he's agreed to meet up with also doesn't know anything, nor do I intend on telling him.
    So yah, the only ppl who know I like this guy are the folks on here and my friends I've confided in who have nothing to do with my volunteer organization.

    Does that help clarify things? I'm not daft enough to do something that foolish :)

    Also: This is a volunteer org - not my workplace.
    I was told that you should volunteer more, sign up for teams/clubs etc. to meet a potential new partner. Honestly, I am stuck. If you advise that I shouldn't meet anyone in any organization - unless I randomly meet them on the street- I don't know what to do to meet new ppl. None of my friends know any single ppl. I am in a city that's quite unfriendly (notoriously) so you don't just get ppl talking to you at coffee shops etc.

    If you have tangible suggestions, please let me know. Seriously - I respect your opinions. What do ppl do to meet others outside of their ACTUAL workplace other than tinder etc? I really want to avoid that stuff again.
    Of course volunteer work is a great way to meet people! I certainly have over the years.
    Other ways -volunteer to do backstage work in community theater, swing dance or salsa lessons, hiking groups.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    It's odd, when it comes to looks, everyone I know says I'm out of his league.

    Irrelevant, this is ego talking and ego will cause heartache



    Should I try to make any advancements?
    I guess one thing I'm trying to understand - if he isn't oblivious to my advances - is why would he bother inviting himself into my meet up? I didn't invite him. I just mentioned my intentions (and I even said I'd be helping my friend out to re-decorate his space as payback for his advice). If he wants distance, there was no need to do this at all.

    Again, i dont think he's into you romantically, i think he enjoys your company and likes you as a person but i'm sensing no romantic interest on his side at all. Just because he's not interested in you romantically doesn't mean he doesn't want to spend time with you. In fact because he's likely not sexually interested in you at all he finds it very easy to be in your company. I know because i feel 10000000000000% completely at ease around women i am not attraqcted too.

    Tread carefully OP, by all means do this ting together but i wouldn't get my hopes up is all i'm saying.

    Good luck and i hope i'm wrong

  9. #38
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Good luck and i hope i'm wrong
    Thanks for your analysis. I think youíre right. Iíll just start creating distance between us and let him do any contact at this point. Should I tell him to not bother coming along to anything? I mean, I still donít know why he has chosen to spend time with my friends to learn things when I could just tell the whole group what I learned during one of our google video chats.

    Itís truly his loss. I wonít really care very much about anything with him anymore. I think itís obvious Iím not on his radar. Maybe itís best I try to avoid him whenever possible

  10. #39
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    I dont think you need to avoid him unless you think thats appropriate? If you are not bothered why avoid? Won't that make the workplace situation tougher?

    Be truly honest, do you like this guy or not? You come here with multiple posts which is fine of course but then you say you are not bothered but then you are going to avoid him if he doesnt reciprocate? Do you want to be with him yes or no as then we can offer better advice.

  11. #40
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    I dont think you need to avoid him unless you think thats appropriate? If you are not bothered why avoid? Won't that make the workplace situation tougher?

    Be truly honest, do you like this guy or not? You come here with multiple posts which is fine of course but then you say you are not bothered but then you are going to avoid him if he doesnt reciprocate? Do you want to be with him yes or no as then we can offer better advice.
    I volunteer with him, but Iíve been picking up a lot of the slack with our team. Itís time he steps up too.

    I do like him quite a bit. I think heís got great qualities that Iíve not pursued before in a person. I think things could work out and itíd be a lot fun pursuing a relationship with this guy. I know Iíve got a lot of great things to offer, so itíd be a fun life challenge :)

    So to answer your question - I would love to have this interaction move into the romantic zone eventually.

    I just really want to listen to folks on this forum and shut down my emotions when they are expended in unnecessary ways. If everyone has been accurate in his lack of interest, I should take a hint and try my best to distance my heart from this guy.

    I just feel defeated. But, because of ppl in this forum, Iím slowly learning to acknowledge reality and learn to handle my emotions.

    Thanks again for your perspective. Itís very helpful to hear folks like you Give me an objective view on things.

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