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Thread: Just the basics - is he into me?

  1. #11
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    While I think he might be a little interested and it is something that could grow between you both, but...

    I don't think you are ready.

    You are looking for the easy fix to help speed up your recovery from your ex, by going for someone else. The problem in doing this is that you end up taking your issues into the new relationship. This can manifest in several different ways, pushing too hard, high expectations, easy red flags because they remind you of your ex and the like.
    Women can use the attention to help them get over other people, but this can be like putting a band aid on cancer. Just cause you can't see/feel it anymore, doesn't mean it isn't festering under the surface.

    Take some time to get over your ex and heal. Don't push this guy away, just don't rush into it. Let your feelings simmer down a little and grow a slow connection with him and see how that goes.
    Thanks for your feedback.
    I think you are right. I'm going to not read into things and try to *push* this relationship forward. I will let things happen as they will and take it from there.
    I know the guy is a bit on the *quiet* side, so I wasn't sure if I should be a bit more obvious that I'd be interested in going out based on HIS actions.

    But, I certainly don't feel like *locking anyone down* at this point. I remember my mistakes and I don't want to make them again.

    Thanks again for your advice.

  2. #12
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    There's just one small nagging problem I've got:

    My specialist said I don't have a lot of time when it comes to my potential to have a child - I know that you need to wait and feel ready etc, but for me, I really will physically lose my chance in a few years of having a child with a partner naturally.

    I understand this isn't a good reason to rush a relationship - but in the back of my mind - I do fear I will regret my life if I just dilly dally and not actively look for a potential mate.

    I realize that there's other options if I *really* wanted a child, but it's just a very , very different road to go down and one that I'm not interested in taking at this point.

    I think I should put this out there as I'm sure other women can relate.

  3. #13
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    At this point tee I think he enjoys talkig to you , working on the project and clearly enjoys your company .....as for any other interest ..hmm hard to tell really , so I would carry on and slowly introduce other topics then the project and see how it all unfolds .

    I am not too big on body language myself ...I find it interesting but at the same time , I saw someone last night on here say * she was twirling her hair * and I thought yikes , I do that all the time because I have long hair and it is more a habit ...

    Just consider him a project colleague who you get on with and let it take a natural course with maybe a little nudging of conversation other then the project .

    If all else fails tee ....just enjoy the fact that you are having a little fun right now and finding others attractive ....the universe might have put him on your path to help you move forward but maybe not with him in the end . It's all good in my mind.

  4. #14
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Have you considered seeing a doctor or therapist. All these flights of fancy, contacting abusive exes with gfs and quick marriages, divorces etc, seem to be destabilizing your life. Unless you are writing stories on here?
    I am currently seeing a therapist.
    He has advised me to look into attachment theory and read the book "attached"

    I'm also currently reading another book he advised me to get into called "hold me tight"

    My therapist says I need to reflect on what makes me really happy.
    However, he said I can really cut myself off from another person and focus on the individual bubble rather than the relationship bubble. He said I need to learn to let an emotional connection fill some of the voids in my life rather than accomplishments or things.

    So, he thinks I should have someone in my life that will help stabilize me. The concept of consumerism is like an addiction.
    According to him, people often go in one of two ways - you either received a lot of love and affection as a child, or you fill that void with *stuff* = which also means individual accomplishments etc.

    So, he said that if someone like myself wants to wean myself off of my individualism I NEED to replace it with emotional connection to someone else who is healthy, loves me and I can build an emotional relationship with.

    I hope that makes sense - this was what we talked about in my last session.

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    At this point tee I think he enjoys talkig to you , working on the project and clearly enjoys your company .....as for any other interest ..hmm hard to tell really , so I would carry on and slowly introduce other topics then the project and see how it all unfolds .

    I am not too big on body language myself ...I find it interesting but at the same time , I saw someone last night on here say * she was twirling her hair * and I thought yikes , I do that all the time because I have long hair and it is more a habit ...

    Just consider him a project colleague who you get on with and let it take a natural course with maybe a little nudging of conversation other then the project .

    If all else fails tee ....just enjoy the fact that you are having a little fun right now and finding others attractive ....the universe might have put him on your path to help you move forward but maybe not with him in the end . It's all good in my mind.
    YESSS!

    I think that's where my mindset wants to go right now. I'm just having fun and realizing there's OTHER FISH in the sea of life.
    There's just so much out there - I just have to be willing to put myself out there and experience it :)

    I will definitely take your advice and just allow things to do what it wants. The guy doesn't know whether I'm single or not as he hasn't really asked me about anything else. I'm the one doing a lot of the *off topic* discussions. He'll ask the periodic basic question, but that's it.

    Even in his emails to me now, they aren't even asking *how are you?* or *hope you're doing well* like before. They are just very short and to the point.
    As far as I'm concerned, it's his loss if he's not interested. Next

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not get a checkup from a real physician MD? You may be able to read some books and reinterpret some discussions, but being physically, neurologically healthy is important if you run through abusive exes, marriages and misinterpret "romantic gazes" on a continual basis. It's doubtful a licensed qualified therapist would suggest you go through men like candy to "stabilize" yourself.

    Are you still married or chasing the abusive ex with the gf?
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    I am currently seeing a therapist.

    So, he thinks I should have someone in my life that will help stabilize me.

  8. #17
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    Personally I don't think he's interested romantically in you, sorry. I think he likes you as a friend and enjoys talking to you but that's it.

    When he agreed to another meet up hut with an extra person there that says it all.

    I don't think there's anything here for you other than friendship but that's just my opinion.

    If he never mentions women perhaps he likes men.

  9. #18
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Personally I don't think he's interested romantically in you, sorry. I think he likes you as a friend and enjoys talking to you but that's it.

    When he agreed to another meet up hut with an extra person there that says it all.

    I don't think there's anything here for you other than friendship but that's just my opinion.

    If he never mentions women perhaps he likes men.
    That's exactly what I thought when I asked about meeting up again.
    I had a fun moment thinking about this person - but I think actions definitely speak louder than words.

    I'll see him as a cool friend and treat him as such - friendzoning it is :)

    Thanks for your opinions!

  10. #19
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    Of course i/we could be wrong but tread carefully is all I would say.

    If he does like men he may want to keep that a secret still hence him not telling you directly.

  11. #20
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    Well the issue with having a crush is that it's very common to "read into things". I've been through it myself many times and the thing is that you do convince yourself that your crush is giving you all these signs, and you honestly believe it. Personally I don't see any real signs that he's actually into you. I find it helpful when I have a crush to just tell the person I like them and get rejected if need be. But in your case because you closely work together, it might be too awkward...

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