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Thread: Ghosted by the guy who said/showed he wanted to marry me? Will he come back?

  1. #1

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    Ghosted by the guy who said/showed he wanted to marry me? Will he come back?

    So just needed a little advice,

    Iím an Indian girl who comes from a traditional Indian family whereby arranged marriage happens and which Iím completely okay with.

    I met the male version of me online. He was perfect but also a considerably a lot older than me and who was a very successful business man. This guy from the moment we started speaking was so adamant and straight to the point about families being involved and how he was going to meet my family and how they would love him. I hadnít really taken him seriously and just thought he was funny so i carried on speaking to him .. a few days in he asks me what I wanted and I told him i wanted my parents to be involved and for his so they can okay things beforehand. In Indian culture it is a very big thing to get parents involved in relationships and he did exactly that. He also stated that he didnít want to wait to get married and wanted to be married within in the next 2-3 months. Which is what I wanted too.

    However, I may sound a little childish here but he wasnít very good with texting and that was the only form of communication we had, he wouldnít call me so we just spoke over text. However I would see that he would message me perfectly normal and then would go silent but was using social media? So I asked him about this and said he was sorry and explained due to the Christmas period he was extremely busy as he was going abroad twice in two weeks and I did my best to understand So I let it go.

    So our mums spoke and agreed that we should let the two ďkidsĒ meet. Which we did and even in person we got on like a house of fire and he confirmed this by arranging for our families to meet and even discussing plans for the following week to make it official and get engaged he also asked if me He could meet my brother (again a huge thing in Indian culture). Which too went great and again made a point of inviting all of our family to his house.

    When we got back we carried on like normal until the next day he texted me normally in the morning and then didnít hear anything from him until the following morning and again went quiet. This time I had enough and told him Iím putting a hold on things until Iím priority and he doesnít reply. So I messaged him a few times and still no reply .. so I remove him from social media and delete his number. however the mum got in contact and confirmed his busy schedule and also said that he doesnít even get time speak to her and they also spoke about things and family issues that you wouldnít share with someone you havenít met .. so I messaged him again apologising of how I acted and if he wants to talk Iím here but itís been a week now and Iíve still not heard anything .. have I been ghosted?

  2. #2
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    It seems very strange that a person you met online, and then face to face (three times?) who wanted to move so quickly to matrimony, would ghost you.

    When he didn't respond to you demanding more attention you blocked/deleted him. Then you texted him to re-establish contact and he doesn't respond.

    This whole thing sounds like a contract negotiation rather than a romance, but I understand that is how it is approached in many cultures, and it may even produce a lower divorce rate.

    Is there a dowry to be paid?

    Perhaps he is actually abroad like he said he was going to be, and is busy working and apparently doesn't have time to even text you once.

    Perhaps he is negotiating with another contract tenderer, so to speak.

    Given his mother's contact with yours, I don't think this is ghosting.

    I think it is him carrying on life as usual, preoccupied with his successful business.

    If you do marry him, that is likely the level of attention you are going to get.

    You may be OK with that, it is up to you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    If this is how he is now, will you be able to handle it when you marry him? He isnt around much so do you really think it'll get better after marriage?

    How obligated are you to marry him if you decide you dont want to? I admit I dont understand arranged marriages.

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    So how old are you and how old is he? In my opinion you acted immature when he didn't reply to you for only one day. You didn't wait for any explanation or response and you just blocked him on everything. That kind of behavior is very dramatic! You say he's a successful businessman so obviously he has a lot to do at work. If you're not OK with him being a busy person then you shouldn't be marrying him. I don't see what he has really done wrong because he met you a few times in person and met all your family and you met his family. His behaviour showed that he is serious? I don't know much about Indian culture but in Western culture even if you are married, you can still have your own life too. E.g. see your friends, family, have your own hobbies and interests. It's probably not good to expect the person to only focus on you 24/7. They're allowed to have some time out and do other things too. Again I'm not sure the nature of Indian marriage so not sure if you can spend most of your time with the husband or wife only...

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry to say this but I don't think he's attracted to you. A man who's besotted doesn't behave this way and you've got your answer. He's backing out slowly because he's not sure about you and he doesn't want to go through with it but he is not wanting to embarrass you either. Both of your families are involved and he's being extremely gentle about it. Please take a hint. Let this go and explain that you don't feel there's enough chemistry there. Give yourselves some room to back away and respect each other in your decisions (especially if one person doesn't want to continue forward with it).

    Don't get too upset over this either. You sound very young. Move forwards and keep your chin up. There's more for you out there. Don't settle for timelines like marriage in two to three months either. This is unnecessary and rushed even by arranged marriage standards in this day and age.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    He's backing out slowly
    For all we know this is a man who is working primarily on his purpose in life, whose (traditional) parents have pushed him to consider marriage (hence his mother phoning up to keep lines of communication open).

    There are other fellows out there for the OP.

    I still want to know if there is a dowry involved. His family might have asked for an unachievable figure.

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    Absolutely nobody is so busy that they don't have time to send a text or two during the day, particularly when it's to someone they claim they want to marry.

    And then his mum gets involved to tell you how busy her son is? Either that's rather a coincidence or he told her... and in the time it took to do that he could have contacted you himself.

    Do you want to get stuck with someone who's never around and can't be bothered to let you know? There are plenty of men your own age out there who your parents would approve of a lot more than this one.

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    Sounds to me like his mother is behind all of this and not him so much.
    I wonder if it was the mother who created the online profile and that would explain the texting not talking!

    Does his mother have grandchildren? Is he her only child or at least the eldest?
    Isnít it up to him to care for his parents and accomodate them in their old age??

    OP, you clearly are emotional about this , but thatís not what he is looking for. Or what his mother is looking for. What they are looking for is an arranged marriage which is practical versus emotional.

    I think they are realising you donít fit their criteria?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    There are plenty of men your own age out there who your parents would approve of a lot more than this one.
    Actually, the parents are more likely to approve of a husband who is a bit older than the wife. OP said a lot older, but I am not sure what that means. Perhaps it is a clue that suggests the fellow's family are driving this, while he is busy making money to buy all his family houses, etc.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    At this point he may think you are too immature to marry. Can your parents find someone else for you? This meeting and subsequent communication doesn't sound compatible at all.
    Originally Posted by Kks21
    Iím an Indian girl who comes from a traditional Indian family whereby arranged marriage happens.
    I messaged him a few times and still no reply .. so I remove him from social media and delete his number. I messaged him again apologising of how I acted and if he wants to talk Iím here but itís been a week now and Iíve still not heard anything

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