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Thread: just wanting a second opinion

  1. #1

    just wanting a second opinion

    ok I was in a serious relationship(3 years)with my ex girlfriend and I do love her very much but she then got this new job and after about only a week I found out that she wasn't telling me about this guy she been taking to work and home from work and she's been hanging out with him on her work break In the car . the reason I kno about all of that that's been happening is I found his stuff( lunch , little alcohol bottles,)in her car one day then the next day her car broke down so I had to come get her from work and he jumps in my truck (to get a ride home) at that point is when I found out everything tottally. now honestly I'm not mad because she's helping out someone at all I'm mad she never told me anything at all and all of a sudden I realise my girlfriend has been riding around with some guy I don't know and hanging out with him when I was never brought into this or told what she was doing at all. and I tottally lost it and was really mad and we ending up breaking up over it. but my question is .... is she wrong from not saying anything about it or telling me anything about it.or should I have not gotten so mad at the situation at hand.?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    If she's in a car drinking with a guy from work that she just met, then she is acting very inappropriately and if you stayed with her, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't stop the behaviour. Her behaviour is a red flag and will, if continues on, more likely than not will advance to even more inappropriate behaviour.

    I think most people would be upset with her actions.

    Did she break up with you or did you end it?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    When did the relationship end? She's not your girlfriend anymore although you referred to her as both your ex and your gf in different parts of your post. Did you break up with her due to this issue alone? Do you both have a history of on/off (breaking up and getting back together)?

    Her behaviour appears inappropriate from your account of events. Are you concerned that you overreacted or don't have all the facts or jumped to conclusions about their work relationship? I personally wouldn't like that type of familiarity with a coworker. I can't speak for anyone else.

    If you're not feeling good about a fight or something or for breaking up with her, maybe take a day or two to think things over. Is she trying to reach out to you for any reason after you broke up?

  4. #4
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    Personally I find her behaviour weird and inappropriate. She was doing this when you were together right? If so I'd be looking at ending it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's called an emotional affair. She was doing what any one would on a date, or dating. Sex doesn't have to be involved to be cheating. She's mackin on this guy, and when you keep it a secret, ya know ya shouldn't be doin' it. So ya you did the right thing and you didn't over react. You saw what was going on, why would you ever question it?

  7. #6
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Oh man - what a bummer. Iím really sorry. Even though you did the right thing (in my opinion) to call her out on her lies of omission and to leave, itís gonna hurt like hell for a while.

    My ex wife had an affair very similar to this that brought me to this website for the first time in 2010. At the time she SWORE up and down (believably) that nothing physical happened and it was ďjustĒ an emotional affair. I still left, and thatís why I know it will hurt and you will question every little detail and even feel regret from time to time. And yes, she told me years later in a very tender moment of vulnerability that there was also physical cheating going on. Not saying that happened with your girl too, just saying.

    For me, sticking to my guns was the best thing I ever did for my self-esteem, my love life, and believe it or not: even for her!

    I donít have any advice for you but I completely understand your reaction and I do not think breaking up with her is overkill.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long ago did you break up? If you strongly suspect someone is cheating, then breaking up is a good option.
    Originally Posted by pawly2288
    I found out that she wasn't telling me about this guy she been taking to work and home from work and she's been hanging out with him on her work break In the car . the reason I kno about all of that that's been happening is I found his stuff lunch , little alcohol bottles in her car

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Drinking on a lunch break puts her back on the job drunk, so that's stupid. Drinking in a car then driving back to work can get her arrested, so that's beyond stupid, it's illegal.

    The coworker is irrelevant, she'd just be too stupid for a relationship in my book.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Drinking in the car with a guy - it sounds like a date to me! Can't blame you for breaking up.


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