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Thread: Thrown off by one word and my own insecurities. Help!

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JimmyS
    Thank you. When I heard about the length of the relationship and how his stuff is still at her place, it was a red flag.
    Very welcome. It does sound like you both have a good friendship going. I also think you bonded with her when you weren't doing too well health-wise. She offered you a kidney when you needed one. This doesn't strike me as a person who's stingy or disingenuous. She has her own place and her pets. Despite her choice in men and the rollercoasters in her love life, she does seem stable, kind and compassionate. She's got a good heart and I think you're attracted to that. Try finding those types of qualities in others that you meet or be open in seeing others with qualities like that. Other women may not have her face or her looks but you might see those qualities in others if you're open to the idea. There are good people out there. Don't lose faith.

  2. #12
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    Well this is refreshing ....I think she actually IS what she says on the tin ....honest

    First huge respect that she offered to give you her kidney , if you never get together op then you have that gesture to treasure for the rest of your life . I am glad it all worked out and you are well and healthy ...

    She is aware she needs to heal , she knows she doesn't want to move forward with anyone just now , she knows she needs to get his stuff out her house and finalise all that ..I don't even think she was reaching out to have her ego stroked ....I believe she was genuinly seeking out an old friend and that is what you must treat it as . It is still wonderful though ....

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    Well this is refreshing ....I think she actually IS what she says on the tin ....honest

    First huge respect that she offered to give you her kidney , if you never get together op then you have that gesture to treasure for the rest of your life . I am glad it all worked out and you are well and healthy ...

    She is aware she needs to heal , she knows she doesn't want to move forward with anyone just now , she knows she needs to get his stuff out her house and finalise all that ..I don't even think she was reaching out to have her ego stroked ....I believe she was genuinly seeking out an old friend and that is what you must treat it as . It is still wonderful though ....
    Awesome view of it, Pip!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I agree with pippy.

    At the end of the day... she considers you a friend. This is a great place to start for any relationship... building a friendship. It may not turn into anything more and if not, you would still have a person in your corner that cared enough about your well-being to literally give a piece of themselves to you... friends like that are hard to come by.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by maew
    you would still have a person in your corner that cared enough about your well-being to literally give a piece of themselves to you.
    This is where my attraction to her as it stands today really lies. She was cute and cool and everything before when we first met and I liked that of course. However, when she offered to give me a kidney, something clicked in my head and my feelings towards her changed drastically.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JimmyS
    This is where my attraction to her as it stands today really lies. She was cute and cool and everything before when we first met and I liked that of course. However, when she offered to give me a kidney, something clicked in my head and my feelings towards her changed drastically.
    Of course, I mean it's a wonderful and selfless gesture! At the end of the day though, try and remember that you haven't seen her in well over a decade, so you don't actually know her anymore.... don't hang on to the idea of a fantasy, don't wait for her, just keep going with your life and if it's meant to happen it will happen smoothly and effortlessly.

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by maew
    Of course, I mean it's a wonderful and selfless gesture! At the end of the day though, try and remember that you haven't seen her in well over a decade, so you don't actually know her anymore.... don't hang on to the idea of a fantasy, don't wait for her, just keep going with your life and if it's meant to happen it will happen smoothly and effortlessly.
    I think you are right. I have decided to do my thing just like I was before she contacted me. I was just really shocked to hear from her again, and I was shocked how well we still got along like that 10 year hiatus never happened. She knows how to get to me. I will not chase her, bother her, contact her, etc. If/when the time comes, she knows what to do. Like you said, "if it's meant to happen it will happen smoothly and effortlessly." I believe that 100%.

    Years ago one of my friends dated her briefly, like 9 years ago. It was a disaster. I never asked what went wrong. I do remember him saying to me after the fact "She digs you, dude." I actually forgot about this detail.

    Thank you for your time and advice!

  9. #18
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    I think she respects you and knows she is in no place to see another guy on any intimate level yet, so she was honest that this isn't the best time to reconnect further.

    Perhaps she wanted to be ready, but upon further reflection she realized she just isn't. She is still in the midst of untangling her last relationship. Heck, maybe she's been talking to the ex more and reconsidering the split.

    Either way, I would leave the ball in her court and go about your life in the meantime.

  10. #19
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    Yeah sounds like she just wanted to escape the drudgery of her breakup and tested the waters with you to see if you were still waiting and wishing and yup, you were.


    Sorry to hear of your medical issues and glad things are better but what leapt out at me was you are still holding a candle for her after 10 Years!?!?

    Have you met no other women in this time? I think you need to develop yourself and fill your life more.

    The meet up was not about you, it was for herself and her ego. She knows you want her, believe me. She just needed that reconfirmed 10 years later.

    If you are going to see her again it will always be on her terms and always as a friend.

    If you are happy being in her friendzone then please continue to be ready and available for her as her male best friend. However as you still have feelings for her after a decade I'd suggest this not wise and you block and delete her until you are over her.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JimmyS
    (She did NOT say how long she was with him or how long ago she dumped him. She did say a couple times how done with him she was and that she still needs his crap out of her house. I later found out she was with him 6 years and she broke up with him about 2 weeks before she contacted me.)
    I couldnt believe she just said that to me, so quickly. I think I responded with "Oohhhhhh.. that's too bad" \
    In the future . . .when someone mentions their messy breakup `so quickly and reiterates how `done' they are with them. . .they are fresh out of break up and still not over it.

    After 6 years, she's adjusting to being alone and thought to fill the void with a nice guy she knew from the past. But that's it. Nothing more.

    You said you went into it as old platonic friends catching up sort of thing. And walked away not reading the signals correctly.

    No harm. You took a chance. That's a brave thing to do. But you have your answer. The meetup was exactly as it was intended. Two old friends.

    It says alot about her and where she's at right now, 2 weeks out of a relationship of long duration. Honestly, she might not be ready until a year from now.
    Besides, you don't want to date someone who is still in damage control mode, post breakup.

    Don't take it personally. Write it off to bad timing. Head high

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