In Love or Having a Nervous Breakdown

I am currently working abroad and met a man on Tinder. This has been a hard transition for me. Moving to a new country, a new job, the loss of an old job, losing one family member and another becoming gravely ill. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. I came to Europe (albeit, Eastern Europe) for a change since I figured I would travel and enjoy a bit after all that I have been through and got a great job (although, I have a huge responsibility). I met a Spanish man who is the boss of a huge construction company here temporarily for work. We both loved literature, same artists, same everything. Since I had not started my job quite yet, I was myself, happy, positive and cheerful. He pursued me and we went out to dinner and he treated me well. The problem is my medication doesn't allow me to drink, but when I started the job, I knew I had to cope with a LOT of stress (CEO essentially a friend depending on me), and I knew I was catching strong feelings for this man, and I started drinking daily (vs only on weekends) and drinking to the point of getting drunk. This man was VERY into me, despite being super busy, he made time for me and somehow, I felt like he was a God sent cuz he was just like my dad who had a stroke and is no longer like that at all. This man, however, told me clearly that he is not looking for a girlfriend, yet how could I believe it when he pursued me? When he sent me tons of messages and spent loads of $ on restaurants? He finally spent the night and tbh, the sex was NOT good, he took forever to become aroused and clearly has some issues in that department (sadly, he is pretty much physically NOT a man most women would find attractive at all or endowed). After when he slept, he smelled strange and I literally had to leave. Nevertheless, the stress at work got crazy and when I met with him after, he would rush home cuz he was "tired" (he does work 65 hours a week and drives 2.5 hours a day). He also told me he doesn't want to show affection in public or hold hands (this is a small town). Incidentally, I met a co-worker of his who told me that he lives next door to a young female engineer in a neighborhood 2.5 hours away from his work which is why he has such a crazy commute, cuz nobody else he works with does that. He did mention having a good female friend who was smart and an engineer but literally, EVERY local told me that it's obvious that he has something with this woman cuz here young women often latch on to Western men with good salaries (he is 41 and she in her 20s). He said she is "just a friend" who "helps him a lot". I got furious and started blowing up his phone and called her a "prostitute", and after that he said this friendship is not working and has refused to see me since then. On my end, I am so stressed and lonely that I am texting him all the time, and literally getting few responses. In fact, when I called him he didn't even answer and told me he doesn't wanna meet on the weekend cuz he's "tired" several times though the one time we did talk he said "we will talk about this all face to face, just give me a few weeks please". He said he had "very bad feelings" after what I said and can't get over me accusing him of essentially being a liar/cheater. Now I text him and for some strange reason I want him desperately, and he is kind of ignoring me (in fact, when I sent him a picture of me from the Christmas party which everyone said was awesome he temporarily blocked me). This is also a man who worked in Mexico on a large project, got a girl there pregnant, and told me over dinner that though his priority is providing financially for his son, he didn't plan on a baby and doesn't have "feelings like a dad should". In fact, even before sex, he said "I hope at your age you don't get pregnant cuz I DO NOT need 'another Mexican'". Why do I care about this guy? How can I handle this situation? (P.S. I am scheduled for therapy).

Sorry to hear this. You need to see a doctor to address the therapy, medication and excess drinking. This man may have a gf/family elsewhere. You need to stop seeing him. If alcoholism/substance abuse is a recurrent problem, check into a clinic/hospital.

I also suffer from anxiety and depression.

The problem is my medication doesn't allow me to drink

 

I started drinking daily

 

I got furious and started blowing up his phone .he temporarily blocked me

 

he said "I hope at your age you don't get pregnant cuz I DO NOT need 'another Mexican'".

It doesn’t sound like you actually like this guy. The sex was bad, you don’t find him attractive, he smelled funny, you know in your gut there is something going on with this other girl, you don’t respect his approach to his « love child », etc. To be honest, I think you are just fixated on him because he is familiar and you are a little bit scared and lonely.

Btw - if someone tells you they don’t want a relationship - believe them. People often act in ways that have little to nothing to do with you. Just as you were hanging on because he was « good enough » and a little lonely - he too could have been hanging on so as not to get too attached to that other girl, keeping his options open, simply enjoying the connection, etc.

You can do better than someone who smells funny and sucks in bed lol!

Delete his number. Block him on everything. Get yourself back online, going to meetup groups, throw yourself into your hobbies, work on building a strong local friend group, connect with some girl friends, etc.

The sooner you get back to honoring yourself, the sooner you will feel at equilibrium.

I don't think you are in love or having a nervous breakdown . I think you are just clinging to the only thing that feels familiar and a little bit of attention is better then nothing at all ..it can fill in the gaps of lonliness ....like having a little something to look forward to , a message , a phone call , a date , all these break the monotony when life isn't throwing us rainbows .

The world is at your feet ...you suffer with anxiety yet went to work on a new country on your own ...that's amazing and just shows you what you are capable of ...concentrate on your positives and achievements rather then a smelly geezer who is having it away with the girl next door .

You have choices ...make the right ones .

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.