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Thread: Graduation gift dilemma

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'd just send the gift personally, as it's just that: a gift from you to her. Gifts are just about celebrating someone with a little shine, not under-shining or out-shining others.

    You of course know the people and dynamic better. Is the ex-MIL sensitive to such matters, prone to weaving narratives of drama? Regardless, I'd say a $200 check, while very nice, is also about as "safe" as you can get to celebrate a college graduate: a hefty enough figure to mark "adulthood," but hardly an extravagant one.
    As I just wrote to Dancing Fool, I wouldn't want her to feel bad if I send more than she's planning to send. Who knows, she may send more, which is fine with me. My goal is to not possibly hurt her feelings. I just wanted to know weather I should ask her, or just send it. My ex-MIL is a very kind, sweet and non-judgmental person.
    Last edited by goddess; 12-10-2019 at 01:08 PM.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    That's very sensitive and kind of you. I'd lower it personally if you think that you'd offend anyone. If your budget is normally higher or you have had issues in the past where you've flaunted your wealth or are self-conscious about it, keep a low profile and don't look for trouble. In the end this is a small token gift. I'd treat it as such and keep your relationships intact and your gifts in an appropriate range.

    That you're thinking about this in the first place tells me you're prone to feeling self-conscious about your gifts. I think sometimes it's more about everyone as a whole rather than doing whatever you want.
    No, I'll just chance it and send it. That's the crux of it all: I've never flaunted my savings. I have no idea how much my ex MIL will send but I would feel bad if I send more than her. OMG, I am so indecisive these days. And a worrier too! LOL

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's ok. Are you feeling ok about the divorce though? I remember it was hard. You're still getting used to things? I'd take one day at a time. All this is normal and you're just a very thoughtful person.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    If this is your kinda normal then I would just do it without any conversation with the MIL ....For me it is a lot for a niece and not something our family would do unless you are the parent ..I think $200 is about 150 quid for us and a very very generous gift . But we are all different , so like I say , if it is your norm ....just go for it . I know you are a little sensitive soul so try not to overthink this .
    I do have a tendency to be generous but not to brag in any way. That's just not the way I operate. I just do it because I like to see people being happy, and I give out of the goodness of my heart.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It's ok. Are you feeling ok about the divorce though? I remember it was hard. You're still getting used to things? I'd take one day at a time. All this is normal and you're just a very thoughtful person.
    Oh, Rose, you are so kind to ask. Yes, I'm doing SO much better but I still have a long way before I'm healed, if ever. One day at a time. xx

  7. #16
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    Thanks, everyone. I'll stop being so dramatic and just send it!

  8. #17
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think your former MIL would be sad to know that you sent her granddaughter less money because you thought she might be offended.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I do have a tendency to be generous but not to brag in any way. That's just not the way I operate. I just do it because I like to see people being happy, and I give out of the goodness of my heart.
    No you don't seem like a bragger ...you're lovely .

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you're doing great and so very thoughtful. Sarah has a good point too. Happy holidays!

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I just wanted to know weather I should ask her, or just send it.
    If by asking her aren't you more or less letting her know that you are trying not `out shine' her? You somehow need to know her amount so you don't out do her? How do you explain your reason for wanting to know? Isn't that in itself going to embarrass her?

    I agree with the lesser amount. Problem solved. It's great that the in laws are still good to you but at some point you need to adjust to the imposed distance that comes from being divorced. Give the gift that's fitting to the occasion and fitting to your newly shaping connection with these people.

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