Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 35

Thread: Girlfriend flirting with someone else

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    9

    Girlfriend flirting with someone else

    Hi,
    I will try to be brief.
    I am 46, my gf is a 37 single mom (2 kids)...few months ago she went to a bachelorette party (in a club) with some girls, i found out that she ended up flirting and dancing with some young guy of 21. Before i find out she told me that some guy came to her, talked to her while she was dancing, but she refused him and sent him away. I found out that she danced with him, i confronted her with this, and said "yeah, i forgot, we danced a little bit, few seconds, but that's it", and she swore that it was it. After 2 months i was able to get some videos made at that club, and i saw that she danced somehow in an intimate way with him, several times, and spoke and laughed several times, and at some point she danced with him on the table, also in an intimate way (when i say intimate, i didn't see any kissing, but intimate position).
    I confronted her again with this and she said that simply she forgot about that dancing on the table, because she drank too much that night, and the reason that she danced with him because we had a big fight that day and she just wanted to forget.
    1- I am not sure if i can tolerate and accept the dancing and flirting part
    2- I sure can not accept the lying. The idea is, whatever happens we can talk about it, even if we end up cheating, we can discuss it, so i don't understand why she still insists on lying.
    I am not sure if what i wrote makes any sense to you. But i appreciate your advices.
    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,123
    After 2 months i was able to get some videos made at that club
    ??? This is worrying ..I don't think I am clear on this bit ...........................but this is a worry if you have to go to these lengths

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,632
    Gender
    Female
    I've said it before and I'm sure I'll be saying it again... If I ever had to go to the lengths you went to snoop on your g/f then just kill me now. You, sir are either very insecure and have major trust issues in general or your girlfriend has proven to you before that she's not to be trusted. Either way, you're with the wrong woman if you feel you need to go to those lengths to satisfy your insecurity and mistrust.

    Just how were you, in your fear able to "get video" of the night. Geeze! i suspect she lied to you because she didn't want to hear you torment her over an innocous dance with a stranger boy toy who she's likely never even thought of since the dance.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,123
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I've said it before and I'm sure I'll be saying it again... If I ever had to go to the lengths you went to snoop on your g/f then just kill me now. You, sir are either very insecure and have major trust issues in general or your girlfriend has proven to you before that she's not to be trusted. Either way, you're with the wrong woman if you feel you need to go to those lengths to satisfy your insecurity and mistrust.

    Just how were you, in your fear able to "get video" of the night. Geeze! i suspect she lied to you because she didn't want to hear you torment her over an innocous dance with a stranger boy toy who she's likely never even thought of since the dance.
    ok so it's not just me ...

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,466
    Gender
    Male
    Can I ask how long you've been dating?

    Being completely frank, there is a lot here that sounds troubling, with the specifics about what happened at the club the least of it.

    Like, why is she even bothering to tell you anything about a guy in a club? Even if her story was hard fact it just doesn't seem like a story to share, unless you're (a) trying to ruffle someone's feathers or (b) feel you have a controlling boyfriend who needs details. Perhaps you can offer a bit more detail there. Did you grill her on a play-by-play of the night the next morning, or did she freely offer up the story after you asked if she wanted another cup of coffee?

    That two months later you're "able to get" video footage of the encounterówell, that triggers some cringing over here. Tells me that you spent 60 days stewing about something instead of letting it go, and in the process removed the boyfriend cap in favor of the detective cap. Not a good sign that you trust her, though a decent sign that the connection points of this dynamic are not particularly mature or sustainable.

    Can only speak for myself, but if I ever reached the point that I was stewing for two months straight and going into sleuthing modeówell, I'd know I'm not in a relationship I want to be in. Wouldn't even matter what I uncovered.

    I don't mean to sound accusatory, as we only get so much in these posts, but is there a chance that what you want (open, honest communication) is challenging in part because she fears your reactions and was aware of a paranoid streak before this fateful evening? She was pretty straight in telling you she needed to blow off some steam after an argument, and while her mode of steam clearing wasn't the most elegant I'd be more concerned about what triggered it all to begin with.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,668
    Gender
    Female
    Has she ever cheated on you in the past? The level of paranoia you describe (going after club videos TWO months past an event supposedly involving only flirting) sounds toxic. Why are you feeling so insecure?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,632
    Gender
    Female
    You're still online, Joe13. Have you anything to say about the observations so far?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,133
    Gender
    Female
    Do you mind me asking what you fought about that day? You mentioned it was a big fight earlier that day before the party. Perhaps both of you are on edge with each other and it's not the first time trust has eroded or appeared broken between the both of you.

    You may appear edgy and jealous but it's also likely your fights have caused you both to distrust each other overall. It's not a one way street.

    I think you're hurt and angry because of her inhibitions. I'd process that and ask yourself whether it's worth having a woman who triggers whose negative emotions in you. You may also be incompatible. Maybe she drinks to an incoherent mess and likes to let off steam partying with the girls. Not all women do that. You can make your own personal decisions about the kind of partner you want overall in your life.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    9
    we've been dating since 2 years

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    9
    Originally Posted by Clio
    Has she ever cheated on you in the past? The level of paranoia you describe (going after club videos TWO months past an event supposedly involving only flirting) sounds toxic. Why are you feeling so insecure?
    Not as i am aware about, no

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •