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Thread: Girlfriend flirting with someone else

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Joe13
    how i got the footage? simple...i asked who was the photograph that night in that club, i put someone to contact him and get the shots/videos he took
    But 60 days later? Why? Whether consciously or not, you've picked this as the hill to die on. The video footage, in the end, hardly tells a different story than the one you'd known before.

    I can't help but feel that you are splitting hairs to find a way to either (a) end something you already wanted to end or (b) continue to find comfort in prosecuting and litigating an incident that is not, in the scheme of things, worth this much emotional energy.

    As long as your story is that she lied because it was more than a "casual dance," without any room for grace or the consideration that maybe she had different reasons for obfuscation, I don't see this going anywhere but south.

  2. #22
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    Im probably a bit against the grain but I understand your concern and sympathize with you. However, I've been very insecure with some women. I think it's a combination of my own insecurities and a person that sort of tweaks those insecurities. Being a bit vague or acting in manners that dont align with my own morals is a certain trigger. Other women ive been pretty secure with.

    OP is there a chance that the two of you have never really shared the same values? Have you had issues trusting her before? Have you had issues trusting other women? How were the situations different? If uncomfortable honesty is what you require, its something important to you and maybe you should seek a person that can provide that. I happen to think that had she been completely honest about the dancing, you'd at least respect that and process it. Its the lack of trust thats really getting you.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    But 60 days later? Why? Whether consciously or not, you've picked this as the hill to die on. The video footage, in the end, hardly tells a different story than the one you'd known before.

    I can't help but feel that you are splitting hairs to find a way to either (a) end something you already wanted to end or (b) continue to find comfort in prosecuting and litigating an incident that is not, in the scheme of things, worth this much emotional energy.

    As long as your story is that she lied because it was more than a "casual dance," without any room for grace or the consideration that maybe she had different reasons for obfuscation, I don't see this going anywhere but south.
    Agree with this. Look it's true that this behaviour is a bit "trashy". Your girlfriend is 37 and she's dancing closely with a 21-ywar-old guy. That in itself is a bit "cougar" but she isn't even single. I understand your concern. Maybe I'm just trying to come from my own experiences of being an idiot when I was drunk. I think if it happened only once and nothing happened then you could give her another chance. If she does something similar again, then you can see it was more of a pattern, rather a one off thing. I'm just saying that to end a two year relationship over it seems too strong? There was no actual cheating. Up to you of course.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    That is a seriously irresponsible partner and mother!!

    She behaves like that at her age? Wow!

    She is a liar, she behaves badly and then excuses it. She has no class when it comes to behaving properly as a mother. Drinking and grinding up against a strange man way younger than her is not responsible.

    I'm not you, but I would dump her and not look back.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    the vindictive dancing with someone else
    Exactly!!
    This is how she behaves when she's mad at you?? What kind of woman is she? And how far will she go next time you two fall out?

    The vindictive behavior would really bother me because now anytime she's mad at you she could possibly behave badly with another man and excuse it and not even feel bad about it.

    The lying as well.

    She's seriously not worth it. That would be too much of a headache and too much of a pile of worries to bother with.
    You'd be better off to go and find a partner who is trustworthy and won't pull this crap when they are mad.
    No one would want to live looking over their shoulder like that.

  7. #26
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    Actually seeking out footage was quite extreme, but if you put trust in someone and find out that's how they behave when they think you won't find out...?

    For some people carrying on like that might not be a big issue, but it would be a deal breaker for me. If you're mad at your partner you don't "get back at them" and disrespect your whole relationship by grinding up against some random guy at a club.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yeah, I agree, needing to get a video in order to find out the truth, is quite extreme.

    That's when you know it's time to end the relationship.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Are you concerned with the age difference? Why would bachelorette party nonsense disturb you this much and why does she even have to report to you about this type of thing? Did you seriously spend 2 months tracking down videos from this one-time party? Unfortunately, it sounds like you are not compatible and a tad paranoid about your age/prowess.
    Originally Posted by Joe13
    I am 46, my gf is a 37 single mom (2 kids)...few months ago she went to a bachelorette party

    After 2 months i was able to get some videos made at that club
    1- I am not sure if i can tolerate and accept the dancing and flirting part

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How long have you been dating? Are you concerned with the age difference? Why would bachelorette party nonsense disturb you this much and why does she even have to report to you about this type of thing? Did you seriously spend 2 months tracking down videos from this one-time party? Unfortunately, it sounds like you are not compatible and a tad paranoid about your age/prowess.
    dating for 2 years
    not concerned at all with the age difference (9 years isn't that huge difference)
    i didn't spend 2 months (day by day) tracking the footage. at some point i asked someone if he can provide it to me, few weeks later he came back with a positive answer

  11. #30
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    So what's the next step? Do you want to stay in this relationship? If so, what do you expect her to do now?

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