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Thread: Girlfriend flirting with someone else

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Do you mind me asking what you fought about that day? You mentioned it was a big fight earlier that day before the party. Perhaps both of you are on edge with each other and it's not the first time trust has eroded or appeared broken between the both of you.

    You may appear edgy and jealous but it's also likely your fights have caused you both to distrust each other overall. It's not a one way street.

    I think you're hurt and angry because of her inhibitions. I'd process that and ask yourself whether it's worth having a woman who triggers whose negative emotions in you. You may also be incompatible. Maybe she drinks to an incoherent mess and likes to let off steam partying with the girls. Not all women do that. You can make your own personal decisions about the kind of partner you want overall in your life.
    We fought about a stupid thing, but she has the habit to make a big thing out of something small...

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It sounds like you don't really share the same relationship values and boundaries. Also, have you ever talked about that?

    As for you expecting someone to cheat and then tell you about it and be honest.....sorry, but that's pretty naive of you. Cheaters don't cheat and tell.

    It seems like in your mind, what she did, rises to that level of cheating. Is that correct? I mean if that's so, then you have no choice but to part ways. If this is not a hill you want to die on, then you need to work on adjusting yourself and your own expectations and creating different boundaries in the relationship.

    If you are constantly fighting, unhappy, too much drama, if she is picking fights all the time over little things and then goes and blows off steam with some other dude....methinks you've just found the tip of the iceberg.

    Maybe forget the clubbing thing and think more about the relationship overall and whether you want to continue it or not.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    It sounds like you don't really share the same relationship values and boundaries. Also, have you ever talked about that?

    As for you expecting someone to cheat and then tell you about it and be honest.....sorry, but that's pretty naive of you. Cheaters don't cheat and tell.

    It seems like in your mind, what she did, rises to that level of cheating. Is that correct? I mean if that's so, then you have no choice but to part ways. If this is not a hill you want to die on, then you need to work on adjusting yourself and your own expectations and creating different boundaries in the relationship.

    If you are constantly fighting, unhappy, too much drama, if she is picking fights all the time over little things and then goes and blows off steam with some other dude....methinks you've just found the tip of the iceberg.

    Maybe forget the clubbing thing and think more about the relationship overall and whether you want to continue it or not.
    Well i don't find it ok, but i don't consider it cheating...what bothered more than the act itself is the lying, because if i never found out, ok it can pass, but as long as i found out i consider she should have told the complete truth and not lie about it...she could have admit it was a mistake, for any reason it can be (our fight that day or anything else)

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Joe13
    Well i don't find it ok, but i don't consider it cheating...what bothered more than the act itself is the lying, because if i never found out, ok it can pass, but as long as i found out i consider she should have told the complete truth and not lie about it...she could have admit it was a mistake, for any reason it can be (our fight that day or anything else)
    How did you find out Joe , how did you get video footage and what an earth made you do this .

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    You seem to be sidestepping some stuff here.

    Again, I'm curious how this all went down. How did the lie first come about? Did she willingly offer up a narrative of the evening, or was she questioned by you about what, exactly, happened at the club? Do you have any history of questioning her behavior with men, or making any kind of remarks to the effect that you don't like how she conducts herself with the opposite sex? Putting your own concerns aside for a moment, can you imagine that she may feel uncomfortable sharing things with you based on past reactions?

    Second part is how you "found out." How much energy went into getting this video footage? Did you hire a P.I.? Did you reach out to people who were in the club? I'm not giving her a gold star for awesome behavior here, or even acceptable behavior, but the fact here seems top be that you were pretty set on not letting this moment pass.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    How did you find out Joe , how did you get video footage and what an earth made you do this .
    She told me the next day, without asking her, that a guy came on to her and sent him away (i think she said it because she thought there's a chance that someone that i know might been there and saw her with that guy, after all it's a night club where anyone can be seen by anyone). how i got the footage? simple...i asked who was the photograph that night in that club, i put someone to contact him and get the shots/videos he took

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    You seem to be sidestepping some stuff here.

    Again, I'm curious how this all went down. How did the lie first come about? Did she willingly offer up a narrative of the evening, or was she questioned by you about what, exactly, happened at the club? Do you have any history of questioning her behavior with men, or making any kind of remarks to the effect that you don't like how she conducts herself with the opposite sex? Putting your own concerns aside for a moment, can you imagine that she may feel uncomfortable sharing things with you based on past reactions?

    Second part is how you "found out." How much energy went into getting this video footage? Did you hire a P.I.? Did you reach out to people who were in the club? I'm not giving her a gold star for awesome behavior here, or even acceptable behavior, but the fact here seems top be that you were pretty set on not letting this moment pass.
    She told me the next day, without asking her, that a guy came on to her and sent him away (i think she said it because she thought there's a chance that someone that i know might been there and saw her with that guy, after all it's a night club where anyone can be seen by anyone). how i got the footage? simple...i asked who was the photograph that night in that club, i put someone to contact him and get the shots/videos he took

  9. #18
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    Hmmmm....well this is just my opinion but different people may think differently about this. If my partner was pretty drunk and they danced with someone at a club and nothing at all happened, I would probably let it go. You said yourself that in all the footage you saw no kissing at all, only dancing. I think your girlfriend did tell you the truth about all that. However if she went out often and danced with other guys, then I would be concerned. But if it really was only one time and she got drunk because she was at a bacheloretre party, for a special occasion, I wouldn't end a two year relationship just because of that.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Hmmmm....well this is just my opinion but different people may think differently about this. If my partner was pretty drunk and they danced with someone at a club and nothing at all happened, I would probably let it go. You said yourself that in all the footage you saw no kissing at all, only dancing. I think your girlfriend did tell you the truth about all that. However if she went out often and danced with other guys, then I would be concerned. But if it really was only one time and she got drunk because she was at a bacheloretre party, for a special occasion, I wouldn't end a two year relationship just because of that.
    if it was just a normal dance, it wouldn't be an issue at all. 1-the dancing was intimate in my opinion (very close, holding her from behind, dancing on the table while he is holding her and lifting her up...etc), 2-if it was just a casual dance i don't think she would have lied about it

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The whole thing sounds trashy. Sorry. If someone were to come straight out and say, look, I heard some things went down at a party and I'm not feeling so good about the whole thing, wouldn't a person want to know why rather than making up lies in the first place? She obviously didn't forget the fight she had with you or the vindictive dancing with someone else. She wasn't feeling good and neither were you, OP. You were both on rocky terms that day, that week, that month or who knows, perhaps the whole year.

    If you don't sense any remorse coming from her and she's just pissed off or annoyed by your snooping self then so be it. You don't have to be around that kind of person and she doesn't need to be around a guy whom she gets so annoyed with in the first place.

    I think it takes two to tango and right now neither of you are better than the other. The trust is broken. You both can repair it together or call it a day.

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