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Thread: Loneliness vs. Actually Missing Somebody

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    2

    Loneliness vs. Actually Missing Somebody

    My husband and I were together for 5 years before we got married, and then married for 1 year before we very recently separated. I feel so alone, he left the house and I've never felt this lonely. He was my everything the last 6 years and his absence has left a huge void in my life, so much so that I've been thinking of seeking psychological/therapy services. Our relationship was good for the most part, but I am mostly to blame for our demise. I had a bad attitude and was a jealous and insecure person. He's given me so many chances in the past to change. I do blame myself and since he has left I have re-evaluated this relationship to the point where I figured out my faults and know that I won't ever make those mistakes again. I feel like this is the rock bottom that will really make me change.

    I've had no contact with him since he left, and I'm going through an emotional rollercoaster since then- the week immediately after I was feeling progressively better, but now I've been down in the dumps and have been declining since then. I cry daily, and evenings are the worst.

    I'm trying to remain hopeful and optimistic, because honestly, that is the only thing keeping me going at this time. I've joined new activities that are keeping me busy, but still, coming home in the evening and not seeing him is the most depressing feeling. I can't function at work, he is on my mind 24/7.

    I know that this state is not permanent and eventually I might be in a better place emotionally, but that doesn't take away the current pain and make it hurt less now.
    The thing is, I know that even though I'm mostly to blame for our breakup, when I was with him I never appreciated him and even dreamed of being single sometimes. I was selfish and wasn't liking the married life too much (cooking for him, cleaning, etc.). The grass was always greener on the other side. And now, I feel the complete opposite. I want to be married to that man foreever and form a family with him, but now I fear it is too late. I'm not sure that he will give me another chance.

    I don't have many friends that I can talk to and hence why I'm wanting to seek therapy of some sort, because I need to get so many things off my chest. I don't even know if I have a question to ask per se, but maybe I just need some works of encouragement or something that will make me look to the future more optimistically.
    Thanks for reading this through.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    2
    Hello. I'm kinda in the same boat. My best advice and what I'm trying to do myself... is find happiness within yourself. Lose yourself in a hobby. Do meditations and read the Power of Now. Work on making yourself strong. And if he really has left, and you do end up divorcing, then put yourself back out there and find a spark with someone else... Please seek therapy. I just started and it's really helping.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,643
    Originally Posted by JJ552
    when I was with him I never appreciated him and even dreamed of being single sometimes.
    You only want him because you can't have him.

    You miss the intimacy or someone there; not him. Call up friends, family, take a new class, throw yourself into work, and hit the gym each day. You need to retrain your brain on associations you have with him. Put away his stuff and mementos in a box, and hide them for now

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,380
    I ended up with a stalker because one night I was feeling lonely and sorry for myself so I messaged a guy I used to date who I didn't even like. I had a heck of a time getting rid of him after that. I had to involve a family member who is in law enforcement to give me advice on how to get him to leave me alone. And it was my fault because I reached out just for some attention. I shouldn't have done that.

    This guy isn't the answer to your loneliness.

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