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Thread: She still likes her ex but also seems to want me?

  1. #1
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    She still likes her ex but also seems to want me?

    Hereís my story: A few months ago I met a girl in my country while she vacationed. She had broken up with her bf that same day. Told me he was great except for the fact he was emotionally aloof so she felt unloved. She paid me an incredible amount of attention and took the attention from me as well. 3 days later we were telling each other we loved and missed one another. That we are one anotherís soul mates. She says Iím the most amazing person she has ever met and that I was what she was missing with her ex. She agreed to come back out and visit me in a few months (which she did). She makes me feel very happy and special. We immediately marked ourselves as in a relationship on social media and she calls me her boyfriend. I really feel she loves me. Itís been 4 months since we met. Aside from the first day I met her on vacation, she did come back to visit me and weíve spent 11 days together total in person. I think I should also admit here that I am 18 years older than her. She is 30. I donít have a lot of money or good looks. So I think this is genuine. I told her I want to spend my life with her.

    Well, out of the blue she told me we need to talk. In the talk she told me that she has been in contact with her ex and thereís feelings there. I didnít know that and was surprised. She said she just wants to be happy with whoever she is going to be with in life. She told me that she really enjoys the time we spend together, that she likes the feeling, and wants to continue talking to me. But she said she canít make any guarantees or promises, Iím here and sheís there. She said she doesnít want to rush into anything serious, sheís still healing.

    Iíve done some research online and I understand Iím probably whatís called a ďreboundĒ and sheís probably in love with the attention, and not really me. But this is where it gets weird: sheís been very honest with me and showed me the conversation she had with her ex, I asked. This is what she says to him:

    ďWe can not be in contact right now because Iím very hurt by you and as long as weíre talking I canít heal. I just want to be happy with whoever Iím going to be with. When you are done working on yourself, and I have healed, I hope we can reconnect. Itís like a wish. I want to see if things would work out with us and fall back into place. We have so much in common and I miss the good timesĒ

    My heart sunk when I read this. But then he asks about me and who I am to her. She says:

    ďI met up with him again and I had a great time. All I wanted was to be treated like a princess and spoiled. Heís been nothing but great to me. Thatís what I wanted from you. I told him for the time being I want to continue speaking with him. I told him I canít make any promises or guarantees. Heís there and Iím here. And I donít want to rush into anything serious. Thatís pretty much it. I canít say he and I will still be talking in a few months. I donít know that.Ē

    Initially I would think she would leave me for her ex. But after what she says about me, and she cut contact with him, doesnít it seem like I have a good chance with her? She told him about me so she must be considering a relationship with me? It sounds like her reasons for being apprehensive are because I live far away? Or was she letting me down gently?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Showing you the message was intended as a threat (mind game) but it ends up backfiring on her because it only shows how insecure and untrustworthy of a character she is. You can't possibly be considering this person for anything in your life? Please have some self-respect. It doesn't matter how much money you have or how ugly or good looking you are. Don't sink so low.

    Date locally too and meet women in your area. Things will clear up and improve the better your self-esteem gets. I think you're stuck in a really dark place. Get out of there - out of that mind space.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    She's 30? What's up with all the juvenile Facebook games?

    She probably "marked" you two as in a relationship so her so-called ex would see and contact her.

    As for her messages, all she told him is she couldn't promise she would still be talking to you in a few months and that you treated her the way she wanted HIM to treat her. She told HIM she wishes they could reconnect and she misses the good times with him.

    Sorry, but it sure looks like she wanted him back and used you to accomplish that.

    She's not nice.

  4. #4
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    ďShowing you the message was intended as a threat (mind game) but it ends up backfiring on her because it only shows how insecure and untrustworthy of a character she is. Ē

    How so? I asked to see it so I could see the reality of the situation, she obliged.

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  6. #5
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    ďShe's 30? What's up with all the juvenile Facebook games?

    She probably "marked" you two as in a relationship so her so-called ex would see and contact her.Ē

    He doesnít have Facebook. So no. They were in contact the entire time I was with her. I didnít know. That was what she told me when we talked.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    This is not a quality woman.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that your self esteem is so low that you allow yourself to be a third wheel. Are you hoping she hands you a rose like on one of those bachelorette shows, winning some competition with all the other contestants?

    The age gap you speak of has a 95 percent failure rate. Add to that long distance, the constant talking to and talking about an ex, and the failure rate likely skyrockets to 100 percent.

    Work on lifting your self worth to what it should be and you won't be settling for women who are so totally wrong for you that everyone else can see it but you.

  9. #8
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    You were a rebound.

    You cannot be in love with someone in three days, as you do not know one another. All of this has been fantasy, and she is in love with her ex.

    You need to be done. You have zero chance with her. You need to go no contact.

    Dude you have spent a couple of weeks with this woman. Why have you invested so much in this nothing relationship. You have allowed her to treat you as her therapist, as she goes on about her bf. Where is your self worth.

  10. #9
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    ďDude you have spent a couple of weeks with this woman. Why have you invested so much in this Ē

    She refers to me as her boyfriend and thereís lots of photos of her and I on her social media with captions saying how much she loves me. Why wouldnít I have thought any differently? I didnít know people did that to others. I genuinely thought we had something real because it happened so quickly. She posts my photos and captions it ďI miss you. I love youĒ. It didnít feel fake

  11. #10
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    Why are you attaching so much importance to social media? it also sounds like she did this to make the ex jealous.

    Her actions clearly demonstrate that she does not love you.

    So many red flags!!

    She does not love you. Never did.

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