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Thread: Dad and Grandma asking us to leave our apartment - is this fair?

  1. #21
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    Have you or your husband considered going back to school and getting a degree of some kind? Your wages are not sustainable.

    Why arent you working full time?

  2. #22
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    Without commenting on the familial part of all this. You had a really, really cheap living arrangement--cat included.

    I recommend a two-pronged plan for your future. Plus, a sobering assessment of what to do with the cat.

    1. You flat-out need more money than the two of you currently earn. And the only way to get there is with better job training. Have you considered getting school loans and attending a community college? Get job counseling at the local college and assess what would get you at least double your current income levels. There may be financial aid besides loans available.

    2. Find a creative way in the short-term to stay where you are. Make yourself useful! Start doing fixit chores there. Any deferred maintenance, repairs needed? If you are not mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, start. Including in grandma's house. And while doing that? Look for a new living arrangement.

    OK, about the cat. As much as you love your pet, and I even have a cat and have had numerous dogs, you must consider rehoming it.

    Your ability to find a place to live is unreasonably held hostage to this pet.

    Yes, i get it. You're attached to the cat. How could anyone suggest you let it go?

    Because having a pet is preventing you from moving forward.

    You need a better full time job, a new place to live, and to get away in the long-term from being a hostage to the whims of your relatives.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Have you or your husband considered going back to school and getting a degree of some kind? Your wages are not sustainable.

    Why arent you working full time?
    He's thinking about trade school.

    We're both college drop outs.

    I was going for journalism but I decided not to pursue that.

    I was working 35 hours a week with no benefits until earlier this year, but they cut hours when they increased wages.

  4. #24
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    What about another major?

    Can you look for another job?

    I hope he does pursue something.

  5.  

  6. #25
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    When my hours were cut, I applied to other full time jobs and in the meantime started working on my passions which are writing and performing. University wouldn't benefit me for what I want to do. I am planning to enroll in an ICF credited coaching program, however.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Your husband may be correct that you should cut your losses and move back to where you can afford living on your own.
    Originally Posted by JDAnthony
    We have found more affordable places for rent out of state. My husband is so fed up with my dad and grandma's behavior, he's actually starting to want to get as far away from here as possible.Yesterday, my husband got approved for a 10k loan in case we had to just get out of dodge.

  8. #27
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    To be honest, whilst your grandma and father do not sound like saints here, you and your husband are also coming across rather entitled, and "a bit of a baby" as you put it.

    Before I bought my own property, I never had a house or apartment to myself. I was either living with my parents or renting in shared houses/apartments. It took me years of thrift before I saved up enough to buy my own place... and then I still don't get all of my own house to myself because I had to rent out rooms to help towards the mortgage repayments. Do I like living with strangers in mediocre parts of town? Of course not. It was miserable and annoying. Do I like having to live with lodgers in my own house? Absolutely not, I am quite touchy about my privacy and it's not nice having to clean up after people not as tidy as me. But guess what... I sucked it up and got on with life, and in a few years, my mortgage will be paid and I am on the property ladder. Oh yeah, I am British, I would have loved to have bought my house in London or a nice southern town near my parents, but that was out of my budget, so I moved to a large working class city where property is much cheaper.

    If you and your husband do not earn enough to live in your own apartment in an expensive part of the country, where you can also keep a cat, why are you entitled to it? If you do not like your conditions, do something to change it instead of complaining that your grandma has withdrawn the privilege that she had provided you for 3 years. I have been working overtime almost every weekend since July because I want to improve my circumstances and be able to afford the kind of life I want.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    IMO living off the low rent should have been predicted as temporary. [...] Getting mad about it, does nothing for your situation.
    I agree. If the goal was to be closer to family, then it makes no sense to harm those relationships over their real estate decisions. You're in your 30's, not teens. You're not a dependent, and you said yourself that you understood this arrangement to be temporary.

    It makes no sense to buy into a pricey school for coaching. That's not employment, it's an attempt at self employment with no business plan. Most small businesses fail within a year. You don't have seed money--or clients.

    I interviewed 25 personal coaches for a thesis on how the field differs from therapy, and I learned that most coaches work part time--if at all--while holding a full time job, because there is no real market for this work.

    Think: the tiny number of people who could afford to pay for a private coach would not be interested in being coached by someone who can't even find the work to afford her own apartment.

    Apply with temp agencies. Sending resumes is a waste, the only way to get placed is to make appointments to interview and test to join 'active' rosters. Good agencies don't have jobs lying around--they place immediately from their rosters. So apply in person, one agency per day, at least 3 per week. They don't all work with the same companies.

    The goal is to be placed inside firms local to you, and then you can apply for permanent jobs from within. These are jobs not published to the public, because temping is how most companies hire these days--a mutual 'try before you buy'. The role you take to get inside doesn't matter, and it beats retail, because it pays more and holds potential. Retail holds little to none.

    Head high.

  10. #29
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    Thanks everyone for your input!

    It isn't our intention to argue with her and my dad, or to stay, or burn and bridges.

    I agree that maybe this is a blessing in disguise. A lesson that we maybe just need to go our own way and stop trying to depend on or work with family and friends because that has never worked out for a long term agreement.

    He's trying to work with an illness and figure out what he wants to do as far as work.

    My end goal for me is to eventually just be a writer and performer, selling my own products, services, and skills. That's it. That's all I want to do as far as what work will make me happy. I have a website. I have plenty of content out there. I have a small audience. Now I'm working on writing books, doing private consultations, starting a podcast, and creating online courses that I can sell to my audience. That's my goal for 2020. So we figure we'll have to live modestly until we can afford a better place, and living modestly might mean we'll have to go to a different state. This is all fine with my husband because he's what they call a minimalist.

    My sister is our banker - and she tried to get us to come live here ever since our mom died. So naturally, she's tried to convince us to at least stay in the area. She loathes our grandma for her own reasons and think we do need to get off her property though. She doesn't want us to take off and live where neither of us have family, but I might just have to tell her we simply can't afford it here at this point in our lives.


    When I was working full time hours, I was so exhausted that I quit doing everything else I actually enjoyed. I became stressed, depressed and almost depending on drugs, so cutting back to part time hours was a blessing in a way because it was then that I could start doing fire performing gigs and working on my website and writing. Working part time with a side job in an area I enjoy has done wonders for my mental health. However, I won't quit a regular job completely until I know I can financially. So I just put in the time I can to pay bills and use the rest for side hustling.

    So I guess now we just have to focus on moving forward. Can't get all caught up in feelings.

    Again, thanks guys! I appreciate your time.

  11. #30
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    There has to be a happy medium between "Joe Job" and "Professional Wet Dream"

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