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Thread: My girlfriend was raped by cousin when she was 15

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok it's not your call. Perhaps you need to end things, since you can't handle what she told you or even know if it's true. Why are they still hanging out all chummy?
    Originally Posted by gracie137
    I am a woman who is in a same-sex relationship. I want so bad for her to tell her family or press chargers but she is afraid it will tear her family apart. Iíve seriously considered giving her an ultimatum and telling her to tell her family or I would leave her because I canít take the hate inside me

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by gracie137
    I understand I shouldnít be making this about myself and I think I can get past this other than: how can I be expected to be able to sit next to him at family events and one day let my children sit next to him?
    Have you asked her this? How does she expect you to interact with him?

    To be clear, I would not want to be around him either, nor let a minor child around him. The reasons for your anger are valid. The way you're thinking of dealing with it (giving her an ultimatum) is destructive, though.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It's not your story to tell nor is your girlfriend's life your life. You need to get this straight.

    If you truly love your girlfriend, you need to have compassion with your silence. I know how outraged you must feel. Respect your girlfriend's choices no matter how difficult it is for you to do. Exercise self control regarding your feelings, what you would do and at social settings with her family. Don't get involved. Respect her stance and how she wishes to conduct herself.

    I know how you feel despite my story not being the same as yours. I'm seething under my breath at family gatherings. However, self control is in order. Remain civil at all times. Don't attempt outbursts, speaking on behalf of your girlfriend nor do anything stupid. You'll regret it if you don't put a lid on it. You'll risk losing your girlfriend should you do and say anything you'll regret. No sense disrupting family peace even if you strongly disagree with this whole situation.

    Don't give ultimatums otherwise you'll regret that your girlfriend will make good on your threat. Havoc and destruction will not be worth it.

    Control your anger. Transform your anger and fury into silent compassion. Other times, you can be verbally compassionate, too but don't over do it nor obsess over it. Yes, be supportive when she needs it but other than that, let her steer her own ship. You just be her girlfriend and behave graciously always. Then you can awake tomorrow knowing you are a peaceful person.

    Know that you will not agree with everything in life nor what people do. However, you have to grudgingly accept it and keep the peace. Respect your girlfriend's wishes, follow her lead and at social settings, remain civil around those whom you despise. This is what I do. You'll thank yourself later for behaving with class.

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