Is my old guy friend into me?

Let me preface by saying he is NOT a shy person. I haven't seen my guy friend in like 4 years. We were platonic friends. We kinda ended things on a bad note. It was an immature verbal fight. When I saw him, I was shocked, and I said "Hello" and he was smiling at me and said "Hello" back. He then proceeded to lock eyes with my face in terms of not looking away from me and so I proceeded to make small talk because he was just staring at me. He was over at my house hanging with my brother getting tutored by him for college math.

I had to go out. But I came back and I told my bro something. I noticed my old guy friend was looking at me and kept smiling. I cleared the air with him, and told him how everything is cool. He kept bringing up past memories, he remembered everything we did, things I couldn't even remember until he jarred my memory, smiling/smiling at me, and hugged me like 3 or 4 times.

He kept saying he was glad we were on good terms. He hasn't texted me since the interaction though? I texted him my number but we haven't spoken. He said he wanted me to see his baby, and he just couldn't stop hugging me. He even was reversing back to his car facing forward at me, and still talking to me. He wouldn't even turn his back and talk to me while he was walking to his car. He like couldn't keep his eyes off me face and he was still smiling. So, why then ghost after that? Does it mean he had more feelings for me? Or something else? What do you get from this?

Well, you two were in the friend's zone for four years, then had a falling out. That does not look like love at first sight to me.

Sounds like he wants to keep the past in the past, but was polite to you when you ran into him. Just move forward, he has your contact info so if he wants to contact you he will.

Do you want him to like you? Is this about your ego or do you like him back?

You said he had a kid, what about the kids mom? Where is she?

Sounds like he was just happy to see you and knows there are no hard feelings to me but without more information it's hard to say.

He may just be happy that you aren't mad. Continue to be polite when you see him & see how this plays out. If you think you might like him or want to date him, flirt or tell your brother to tell him you are interested. He may be hesitant out of respect for your brother.

He knows how he feels, but doesn't know how you feel. The ball is in your court on this one.

He's a dad with a baby trying to put himself through college. He also needs help with it and can't seem to do the math on his own. Is he in a relationship? Give him a break, please. Try not to overthink this. I think he was being friendly and cordial with you for old time's sake and to keep the peace - nothing more. You're wondering about what his smile means. He's got a lot more on his plate and a family to think of too. It would be absolutely inappropriate if he texted you back and he knew you had feelings for him.

You don’t really mention his relationship situation...

It is not at all uncommon for couples - even the strongest of couples - to go through a bit of a rough patch when they become new parents. A baby is a lot of work! Neither of them are sleeping properly. Her body’s hormones are all over the place. If she is staying home alone with the child, she is likely feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and completely isolated. If he is working and going to school and trying to raise a family, he is also likely exhausted, overwhelmed and having their needs thrust on him the moment he gets home. Couples often get irritated at each other and start giving each other a hard time, etc. It’s not nice... but it’s completely normal.

If he looked at you in any kind of way, I would not see that as anything about you or an indication of a special connection or anything - but rather a reflection of what’s going on in his own life. You represent a bit of nostalgia and a time when life was “simple”.

The fact that he has your number and hasn’t used it kind of speaks for itself, IMO.

Best to take your awesome self and find someone available who is not so busy and doesn’t have so many complications. Your life will be MUCH happier for it.

How long has it been since you saw him?

He was really happy to see an old friend and happy that you got back on good terms, but it's not a romance.

Be happy to have a friend back in your life, but don't get confused and expect it to be anything more.

The ball is in your court on this one.

She already gave him her number and asked to text. Now there's nothing but crickets.

I'd say she made her move and the ball is in his court and he's not into it.

My brother was also friends with him, but we were closer. My brother is 31, so he is 7 years older than him, but he always kept in touch with my brother over the course of four years we had our falling out. My brother told me he was single like months ago. He was with his baby mama for awhile but they were on and off. I thought he was still single and co parenting but apparently he is back with his girlfriend/baby mama. So, now I am just feeling foolish.

He obviously just was being polite and I took it as something more. He said he wanted me to come see his baby, and he is glad to have a fresh start with me, etc. I even messaged him on Facebook saying I'm glad we cleared the air, and he was replying back to me saying how happy he was too, and how happy he is to have a fresh start with me, I should come see the baby sometime, etc. But I guess it was all talk.

It seemed I was more bold anyways, but now I see why. He isn't single. But he could've said he couldn't have my number for that reason. Either way I guess it's just like what another poster said "history". I just never seen him so happy and smiley like that before. But I see more clearly how this is all BS. Just kinda wish he would've stopped me in my tracks though. I would've understood. I was too bold because that's me by nature, and he knows that. But he could've told me he just wanted to build back up slowly, he has a girlfriend and she wouldn't appreciate him having my number, etc.

Ok, so just leave it as a friendly run-in. He has no reason to explain his relationship situation in such a brief encounter because he was not aware you still have a crush. At any rate, just keep getting out there and dating. By the way, never date anyone who is on/off with anyone.

But he could've told me he just wanted to build back up slowly, he has a girlfriend and she wouldn't appreciate him having my number, etc.

If an old female friend gave me their number i wouldn't think of explaining my relationship status. Why would i?

I think your ego just ran away with you a little here. Happens to us all. No biggie. Just be glad you have another friend back in your life :)

I think he should have mentioned or said something about his girlfriend. There are vibes a person puts out and he if leaves out that information in whatever afternoon interaction you had while he was over and never once spoke about his girlfriend and him as an item, that's a red flag. It's a subtle one but yes, OP, I do agree with you that the omission was total bs. Like I said earlier, he's probably busy with 101 things on his mind and isn't in a clear headspace. He also could have said come over and meet OUR baby, not MY/THE baby, and visit US aka in the plural (meaning his girlfriend and the child). That's both clear and subtle that he's a taken man - a dad AND in a relationship.

Either way, don't feel bad about it. Let it go and definitely let this guy go. Regardless of whether he's ever "off" with his girlfriend, he needs time to sort himself out especially with a baby in the picture. You just do you and move forwards.

@ninjabib Idk, I think if an old friend says "What's new in your life?" Wouldn't you mention having a girlfriend? Not just say "I have a beautiful son now, you want a see a picture?" Like he could've mentioned somewhere in our interaction that he was taken and I wouldn't have offered my phone number. I would have been more respectful and not as bold per se.

I think he should have mentioned or said something about his girlfriend. There are vibes a person puts out and he if leaves out that information in whatever afternoon interaction you had while he was over and never once spoke about his girlfriend and him as an item, that's a red flag. It's a subtle one but yes, OP, I do agree with you that the omission was total bs. Like I said earlier, he's probably busy with 101 things on his mind and isn't in a clear headspace. He also could have said come over and meet OUR baby, not MY/THE baby, and visit US aka in the plural (meaning his girlfriend and the child). That's both clear and subtle that he's a taken man - a dad AND in a relationship.

 

Either way, don't feel bad about it. Let it go and definitely let this guy go. Regardless of whether he's ever "off" with his girlfriend, he needs time to sort himself out especially with a baby in the picture. You just do you and move forwards.

Exactly! I think I was definitely overwhelmed by our vibes and the chemistry in the moment. I did have a secret thing for him for awhile, so it rekindled in me. We both had a thing for each other for awhile when we were friends, but we were really awkward teenagers, and just brushed it off. Or I just didn't take it seriously, or he had a girlfriend at the time, or I had a bf at the time, bad timing, etc. It seemed to be always an issue of bad timing with us. Then we had a horrible immature verbal fight that resulted in us not speaking to each other for four years. But yes, there was always chemistry and something there. So, he definitely could've stopped me in my tracks and been more vocal about his life knowing that history of me and us as friends.

Also, thank you for your kind words. I am beating myself up right now and just not happy how I was too bold thinking he was single. I do feel foolish and my feelings are hurt because I always had a thing for him.

Exactly! I think I was definitely overwhelmed by our vibes and the chemistry in the moment. I did have a secret thing for him for awhile, so it rekindled in me. We both had a thing for each other for awhile when we were friends, but we were really awkward teenagers, and just brushed it off. Or I just didn't take it seriously, or he had a girlfriend at the time, or I had a bf at the time, bad timing, etc. It seemed to be always an issue of bad timing with us. Then we had a horrible immature verbal fight that resulted in us not speaking to each other for four years. But yes, there was always chemistry and something there. So, he definitely could've stopped me in my tracks and been more vocal about his life knowing that history of me and us as friends.

 

Also, thank you for your kind words. I am beating myself up right now and just not happy how I was too bold thinking he was single. I do feel foolish and my feelings are hurt because I always had a thing for him.

Yeah, I've shared the same with a few individuals before. Good vibes and flirting all around for years and overall great chemistry but never amounting to anything for whatever reasons.

It's ok. Like the others said, just take it easy and let it go. Sounds like he's really busy anyway and it's good that things have cleared up so that you don't have to wonder about where he's at anymore. Sometimes we meet people again and also get caught up in the moment (that could have been the case with him) and then he went back to reality, his kid and his girlfriend and real life. Now you also know what his situation is like so I'd be more careful around him if you have strong feelings for him. Limit contact and try not to look in on social media or see how they're doing too often. You deserve to move on in more fulfilling connections and relationships and live fully if you get my drift. You deserve more.

Did you recently end a relationship? Of course if your crush was a secret he would not be rude and presumptuous and blurt out "But I have a gf!" Simply 'I have a child' now seems normal for the encounter. Try to get on some dating apps so you can address why this seemed to hit you so hard.

I did have a secret thing for him for awhile, so it rekindled in me.

@ninjabib Idk, I think if an old friend says "What's new in your life?" Wouldn't you mention having a girlfriend? Not just say "I have a beautiful son now, you want a see a picture?" Like he could've mentioned somewhere in our interaction that he was taken and I wouldn't have offered my phone number. I would have been more respectful and not as bold per se.

Sorry might be a lost in translation thing but if someone said to me what's new that just means "how are you/how's things" but i am in the UK.

Advice remains same. It will soon pass and you have lost nothing. Besides do you want to be with a single father and all that entails in terms of a step kid?