Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: Terribly shy and afraid of the letdown

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Age
    33
    Posts
    34
    Gender
    Female

    Terribly shy and afraid of the letdown

    Ok so I'm slowly starting to attempt to get back into the dating scene. I like a friend of mine that I've know for a good while. I want to ask him out but I'm so afraid of making it awkward or being let down, but also trying to get out of my comfort zone and base it on if I never ask I'll never know...
    (If it matters I'm 33 lol and still completely blind to cues from the opposite sex unfortunately. I have been known to misread signals...)
    Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,856
    Gender
    Female
    How is this person your friend? Is he someone in your social circle who is an acquaintance or is he a close friend?

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Age
    33
    Posts
    34
    Gender
    Female
    He's in my circle of friends. We talk every time he comes out. Thankfully it seems another friend kind of broke the ice me lol. I'll just have to see how it goes. He thought I was married to my ex so i was basically in the friend zone and he said he'd have to process the new found information. But we just recently had an hour long conversation in the phone while he was on the way to national guard drill

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,298
    Go in cautiously and start as friends. See where this leads you. Get to know him, enjoy good conversations, observe his personality and character. Over time, you will make the decision whether or not you wish to continue associating with him. Let time and listening to your gut and intuition be your guide.

    Whenever I feel shy around anyone, I ALWAYS revolve conversations around the other person because people love nothing more than to talk about themselves, what they do, where they've been, what their interests are and the like. Ask away! Take great interest in the other party and any shyness and fear will be deflected. You ought to try this strategy.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,151
    Gender
    Male
    Do not blow a friendship on experimenting. Let friends stay friends and learn to get out and meet men otherwise. Ok restart your life by getting out more. Take some classes, courses, volunteer. Join some clubs and groups.

    Get in shape, new clothes, update your look, etc.. Get on some quality dating apps with a good profile and fresh good pics and start talking to and meeting men for a low key coffee.

    Don't lose friends by putting them in untenable awkward situations. It's not fair to him.
    Originally Posted by msgirl
    I'm slowly starting to attempt to get back into the dating scene. I like a friend of mine that I've know for a good while. I want to ask him out.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    deleted
    Posts
    1,639
    Since he says he needs to process - that's code for not interested.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    203
    Gender
    Female
    Social skills are learned. You are not born with them. When you master them what you characterize as your shyness will disappear. You aren't so much shy as human. Like everybody else you fear getting hurt but part of love is risk.

    Since you are friends & you do see each other, assuming you are not brave enough to ask him out, it becomes incumbent upon you to make it totally clear to him that if he got up the courage to ask you out, that you would say yes. Tease him about thinking you were married. Ask him how he feels about now knowing you are single & available or something like that.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,956
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by msgirl
    he said he'd have to process the new found information. But we just recently had an hour long conversation in the phone while he was on the way to national guard drill
    Sounds like there could be something. I normally say go for it, ask him out it's a modern age, because I always has good results....but I'm a good at reading people, almost to the point I can see what they are thinking, while you have trouble with this which puts you at a disadvantage. So if I were you I would only lay hints, look pretty, and be very sunny/happy when we talked. Let him check you out/ start the chasing. I do understand you are excited about all this, and giddyup! you want results now! You have to set in a plan/strategy, and have patience. Let things happen organically, not forced. Have some mystery.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,524
    Gender
    Female
    Seems obvious to me that you're into him from his standpoint. Let him come to you. If he's lukewarm in his interactions in the next few days and weeks, take a hint. This guy isn't into you. When did your last relationship end? He thought you were married so you were probably living with your ex. Are you still living with your ex or separated/moved out?

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Age
    33
    Posts
    34
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Seems obvious to me that you're into him from his standpoint. Let him come to you. If he's lukewarm in his interactions in the next few days and weeks, take a hint. This guy isn't into you. When did your last relationship end? He thought you were married so you were probably living with your ex. Are you still living with your ex or separated/moved out?
    He's been pretty chatty the last couple of days. He told me if I don't have to work tomorrow I can come hang out with him and help him with a car he's going to be working on. And maybe I can get a better idea then of how it might go. I'm not going to be pushy at all. I do value our friendship and I won't be offended if he doesn't want to date me. But I'm trying to go out of my comfort zone and go by the saying you never know until you try lol

    My last relationship officially ended a couple months ago. I was living with my ex until he took a job out of town in June. This guy does know my ex as do all of our mutual friends. But my ex also alienated everyone shortly after he took his new job..

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Why Young People Don't Rush To Marry? They Fear Divorce

Why People Lie On Online Dating Services?

Relationships During Quarantine

Cheating Husbands Are at Risk of a Heart Attack

Romance At Work: Yes Or No?

How To Overcome A Divorce
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •