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Thread: Friends with a male coworker

  1. #11
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    He's going through a lot, OP. This isn't about you, nor the time to get offended that he doesn't wish to talk to you.

    Leave him be. If you two are genuinely friends, he will eventually warm back up. If not, then you know you were primarily just a sounding board for him to vent about his unhappy marriage.

  2. #12
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    I presume this is a co worker and not a friend?
    Unless you actively engaged outside of work (which would have been disrespectful to both your spouses) then , no , he is not a friend.

    He got all he wanted or needed out of you and now that he is separated , he doesn’t need it anymore.

    Have you asked your husband his opinion?

  3. #13
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    Maybe he doesn't feel like talking to you right now because you had encouraged him to work things out with his wife when he either didn't want to or realised it was futile. If you were telling him that he'd otherwise have a third failed marriage maybe he associates you with that. Either way, I think he wants to draw a line under the friendship for now, at least, so you have to accept that.

    I'm curious as to whether you were discussing your marriage with him as he was with you, because if I was in either spouse's shoes I wouldn't be happy about that.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Steer clear of unhappily thrice married men at work. Go to work in order to work. You are not there to provide marriage therapy. Be polite and professional with coworkers. Act like coworkers not like people looking for affairs talking trash about their spouses.

    He wanted to get in your pants and when that didn't happen he was no longer your "friend" and no longer wanted to tell you about how "his wife didn't understand him". Just act normally and do not try to chase him.
    Originally Posted by amandamichel
    we are both married. He is in an unhappy marriage and we talk about that a lot.he blurted out that he didn't want to talk any more about his wife.

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  6. #15
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    His marriage ended. He feels like a failure. You know many of the secrets & talking to you feels like looking in a mirror but he doesn't like what he sees. He may also be developing a crush on you; many would characterize your friendship as an Emotional Affair. I think EAs are BS but if somebody used that phrase to him he may have freaked & decided to inject some distance rather than give the gossips more fodder.

    Either way leave him be.

  7. #16
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    Agree with all the comments, but also maybe because the wife often accuses him of cheating, he doesn't think it's a good idea to keep talking to a female colleague so much?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    They are both currently married.
    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    His marriage ended.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    They are both currently married.
    He's technically married but once he took his ring off he was announcing that his marriage is emotionally over. He's on his way to getting the legal paperwork to catch up.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    He's technically married but once he took his ring off he was announcing that his marriage is emotionally over. He's on his way to getting the legal paperwork to catch up.
    He's married. Not technically. Just like you can't be a little pregnant. I wouldn't assume that it's all about paperwork especially in his situation - from what she described he seemed pretty into his feelings about it too. And especially in a work situation it's a dangerous game to tell oneself that certain boundaries don't matter because the colleague says he is separated.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Ever hear of the term work husband/work wife? It's an intense friendship with a person of the opposite sex at work and basically an emotional affair, even if there is no flirting or want of a romance. Look up articles on emotional affairs, and you will see signs that you're in one. He should have confided in a close male friend about his marriage woes, not you. And just because you're at work out of sight from the spouses, they usually come to know of these close friendships.

    Perhaps his wife gave him an ultimatum and says the separation will become a divorce if he doesn't cut off his emotional affair with his co-worker. She's supposed to be his best friend, not you. There is a different dynamic with opposite sex friends that not every person's partner might be comfortable with.

    It's for the best he's distancing himself from you. You should do the same.

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