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Thread: A few months dating

  1. #1

    A few months dating

    I met this guy online, everything checked out, was looking for a relationship, our connection was amazing, communication was wonderful. Two not so great features: He has a job where he's on the road a lot, normally 2-3 weeks out of the month and that makes it really difficult for us to see each other often, and fairly fresh out of a long term relationship.. I'm fairly secure about most things in life, relationships are not one of them. I love dating but I hate the shaky phase of casual to exclusive and I usually end up self sabotaging unless I date a guy who is really similar to me. Fast forward a month (ish). Communication has started lacking.. once a day phone calls start to rarely happen. Him flirting and being sweet with me has really slowed down, and his text reply time has also really gone down. He used to message me constantly saying how crazy he was about me and thought about me all the time, now it's like pulling teeth to get that out of him. When we are together though, it's flirty and intimate. I've never felt a connection like this in my life otherwise I would have already closed the door on it. Is it worth it for me to take some time and give him space or does it sound like he's already checked out of anything moving forward?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How often do you get to see each other? Have you had the exclusive conversation? He appears not to need space if he is away frequently. Ask yourself if you even want to continue dating someone who travels this much no less someone who may be talking to other dates/the exgf. Don't go by "connection" if/when he's there in person. Go by what makes you feel good about a situation.
    Originally Posted by username111
    He has a job where he's on the road a lot, normally 2-3 weeks out of the month and that makes it really difficult for us to see each other often, and fairly fresh out of a long term relationship. When we are together though, it's flirty and intimate.

  3. #3
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    I think that you should let this go, if you want a bf you can actually spend time with.

    How long was his last relationship and when did it it?

    How long have you been dating?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Fresh out of an ltr is a red flag.

    Overall, though, you cannot expect anyone to ever maintain the intensity and the high of the early on getting to know you honeymoon phase permanently. It's not possible, it's not sustainable.

    The reality of dating is that after that initial high, you should BOTH start settling down and showing your more normal selves in terms of contact, talking, all kinds of things really. Basically, settling into a more normal, sustainable dynamic, whatever that may be for the two of you.

    Unfortunately, it sounds like you tend to get hooked on that initial high, intense chase and compliments and attention, and once things start to slow down, you panic, so it's hard to judge if he is in fact distancing himself or simply normalizing. I think you need to explore a bit what's going on with you that makes you panic and that perhaps you go for guys who are too good at sweet talk....but then you get burned by that. Maybe time to take stock and try something that isn't so intense early on, someone with a more steady pace. It might not feel great, aka intense early on, but might actually net you the stable loving relationship you want??? Just a thought for you.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    So your connection with him was 'amazing' and your communication great, but he's not similar to you???

    I guess the insecurity and reduction of talk time means your connection is not quite as amazing as you think.

    Perhaps you should have a talk with him about what he wants?
    Last edited by SarahLancaster; 12-05-2019 at 04:25 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I read the first line and knew things were not so great. Throw him back. NEXT!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So basically the first 30 days were wonderful and in the 2nd 30 days, he started making a lot less effort. Well, it sounds like he reached his goal, getting you into bed, but now he's not willing to put in the average efforts it takes to work on building a longterm relationship with you.

    With his work schedule, it's probably easy for him to enter and exit relationships very quickly. You speak of a connection with him. I'm sure he's very attractive, and it's fun when someone you like is flirty, and I'm sure the sex is great, but unfortunately his lack of effort otherwise should be a sign he's just not that into you and isn't looking for the serious, longterm relationship you are.

    I love dating but I hate the shaky phase of casual to exclusive and I usually end up self sabotaging unless I date a guy who is really similar to me. Many of us do feel shaky at that same phase also. That's normal. How do you think you self sabotage? Or are you blaming yourself when it's just a sign you're not compatible with someone, feeling as though you're being unreasonable and that you should be following a guy's lead, even if it doesn't jive with how you think things should be going?

    Also, always remember that you can be more stringent and choose not to date guys whose working situations or family life with kids throws up barriers to the type of companion you're seeking. After dating a workaholic for a year, I vowed never to do that again. I wanted a regular companion because my kids were about to flee the nest, so workaholics or guys who regularly traveled for work were guys to avoid, as well as guys with very small children who had all of their days off filled with spending time on custody visits, a different life stage than me.

    Don't settle. You gave dating him a shot and it didn't work. Good luck on finding a keeper.

  9. #8
    A few months now, since September.

    His last relationship was 5 year on and off, and it ended officially in July. I'm veryyy aware that this is super close to us meeting, but by the sounds of it the relationship had been dead for awhile. I normally date guys who fall as fast as I do, and in the beginning he was very much on the same page as me. As much as I was kind of on the fence about his work schedule, I think it is actually beneficial to having him being gone, it will allow me to create balance in my life.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    But it's not, because you're worried about his communication slowing down.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Aside from proclamations about how "crazy" he is for you, and flirty times when you're together, do you guys talk at all about what you want and are looking for, both generally and now as two people dating? Personally, I've always found comfort during the shaky days in that sort off thing—in seeing if those "pages" line up rather than just the pages of "crazy" and "falling fast."

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