Jump to content

When Exes Rebound Goes Wrong


misterjister

Recommended Posts

Guess you were hoping all along she would be back? If you still want to get back together just say that to her.

Do you explain to the ex that you're blocking them beforehand or just do it? My ex is away on holiday with a guy but so far refusing to admit to me that theyre together. Have already unfriended but new profile pics and videos shared to public hurting me. I cant help but look.
Link to comment

she already knows Wisey. What worries me is ive heard it said exes only come back for themselves and you should "make them work for it"?.?

 

Just worried im going to be hurt again - i've had it real bad - as in needing medication bad

 

 

 

For what its worth 4 months and NC for 16 days only.

Link to comment

This:

 

I've never loved anyone so much in all my life.

 

Seems to me at odds with this:

 

Honest truth i was never really into this girl in the first place, It was someone i found on Plentyofish 11 years ago after being divorced. She was really into me- but i took a step down in regards looks, compatibility.

 

I was at a loose end i needed someone cos i wanted to be loved. I needed to feel, to touch, to have love, to have laughs, share good times- you know what? i didnt feel it with her- but i accepted it and left it to go wherever...

 

I don't say that to kill the buzz you're feeling right now, but maybe to put it in perspective? I mean, if you want to get back together it's simple: you tell her that's what you want, and give it a go. But do give yourself a minute to consider the whole thing here, not just the shot of adrenaline that's coursing through you right now.

 

She is just a woman, not an answer or the salve to your pain—be it the pain of losing her or the long ago pain you hoped being with her would cure. Life has taught you those lessons, so now just focus on whether this is the woman you want to be with, and proceed accordingly.

Link to comment

Yes Blu I wasnt that bothered when i first met her it was nice but not full on- is anyone like that though? i never have been anyway. Maybe just me but it takes me a while to really get to know someone before i fall properly in love.

 

im proceeding with caution. been through so much pain.. i want to jump for joy but also worried about ending back up in the state i was. Scary.

 

 

Thank you for the rest of advice tho.

Link to comment

it doesn't matter how much you love the EX. By breaking up with you & trying this rebound relationship the EX who now wants to come back has proved themselves disloyal. They only want to come back because the other person dumped them not because they love you. You have to assume they will come back to avoid being lonely but will disappear again shortly. The EX thinks you are disposable.

Link to comment

The texts are strange to me considering your history. The least a person could do is pick up the phone and ask to meet with you in person or ask how you're doing over the phone without bombarding you with her romantic issues. Does she sound interested in you at all or concerned about how you've been? You should be reading the vibes from there and seeing /discussing this in person with her. Take the info back and tell her you need to think about things.

Link to comment
Yes Blu I wasnt that bothered when i first met her it was nice but not full on- is anyone like that though? i never have been anyway. Maybe just me but it takes me a while to really get to know someone before i fall properly in love.

 

You know your history, generally and with her. From your past threads I got the impression that you may have your strongest feelings for her when she's gone, or maybe seeing someone else, rather than when you guys are actually together. I'd at least reflect on whether there's any truth to that.

 

At the end of the day it shouldn't feel like an exhausting game where feelings of "love" are delivered like shots of amphetamines or extracted through mental mining, followed by crashes where the thing that gets you through the crash is a craving for another shot, another foray into the mines.

 

I mean, it's certainly one way to go about it all—exciting here, exhausting there—but it has serious limitations.

Link to comment
In a past thread about her, you indicated that you had reason to believe she was actually cheating on you with this man.

 

Were you ever able to verify that?

 

Hey Misscanuck good to see you again.

 

I wasnt ever able to verify that there was any cheating or overlap. Classic rebound..and plus i wasnt the "dumpee"..

 

TeeDee: i was the one who left but later regretted it .

 

Rose Moss. Theres been a lot of talking over the phone and texts- mostly instigated by my ex 70/30

 

Thanks for your replies

Link to comment

What are your feelings? If you're feeling a little sick to your stomach, very anxious and confused, those are indicators that things aren't what they seem and you're not certain about her in general. After so much interaction (phone/texts), I'm not sure why you haven't met in person yet with her. Do you not trust yourself around her or are anxious? I'd have preferred meeting in person and talking about it.

 

I have reconnected with an ex before and it lasted a few more years but it was a bit like a frankenstein version of the original thing. It just wasn't the same. In the end I ended it... for the second time because I was foolish enough to think that I made a mistake the first time. Three years later, nothing really changed and on top of the initial issues were secondary issues that resulted from the first break up. I won't tell you all rekindlings are bad. I think there are some good people out there who find out a second time that things work better the second time around. Without a whole lot of in-person time, love, dedication, trust and being on the same page, this doesn't usually happen.

 

For the meantime, I'd limit the phone interactions (calls or texts) and meet in person at least once. Give it a breather after you've met and, like I mentioned above, take some time to think things through. I'd take a few weeks even. There is no hurry.

Link to comment
What are your feelings? If you're feeling a little sick to your stomach, very anxious and confused, those are indicators that things aren't what they seem and you're not certain about her in general. After so much interaction (phone/texts), I'm not sure why you haven't met in person yet with her. Do you not trust yourself around her or are anxious? I'd have preferred meeting in person and talking about it.

 

I have reconnected with an ex before and it lasted a few more years but it was a bit like a frankenstein version of the original thing. It just wasn't the same. In the end I ended it... for the second time because I was foolish enough to think that I made a mistake the first time. Three years later, nothing really changed and on top of the initial issues were secondary issues that resulted from the first break up. I won't tell you all rekindlings are bad. I think there are some good people out there who find out a second time that things work better the second time around. Without a whole lot of in-person time, love, dedication, trust and being on the same page, this doesn't usually happen.

 

For the meantime, I'd limit the phone interactions (calls or texts) and meet in person at least once. Give it a breather after you've met and, like I mentioned above, take some time to think things through. I'd take a few weeks even. There is no hurry.

 

 

im overjoyed to be honest , but apprehensive as well. ive worked hard on my shortcomings and been self critical but i dontthink she has. Apart from realising that grass isnt greener and that im not so bad after all. This is the second time we've broken up and she's gone into a rebound within a few months.

 

i cant say ive been totally innocent either cos i havent. We've both made mistakes/explored our options and realised we're better off together than with others. We're both well into our 40's and too old for this behaviour really.

 

Thank you for taking the time to reply

Link to comment
im overjoyed to be honest , but apprehensive as well. ive worked hard on my shortcomings and been self critical but i dontthink she has. Apart from realising that grass isnt greener and that im not so bad after all. This is the second time we've broken up and she's gone into a rebound within a few months.

 

i cant say ive been totally innocent either cos i havent. We've both made mistakes/explored our options and realised we're better off together than with others. We're both well into our 40's and too old for this behaviour really.

 

Thank you for taking the time to reply

 

Do you mind elaborating on the part "this behaviour"? It suggests to me that you're not only "overjoyed", you're also fed up. Those are conflicting emotions. On one hand you're happy you're hearing back from her and on the other, you're annoyed that you have to deal with her again and her potentially being a basketcase (the unknown associating with her again).

 

The reason why I ask is because all that creates a mix resentment and other unsavoury things down the line. If you're already having second thoughts and aren't able to go into meeting with her or considering/thinking of her with respect (treating each other with mutual respect), this is as good as over before it's even re-begun. Without that respect for each other, this is a definite no go.

Link to comment

If you want her back, then give it another go. Instead of texts all the time, meet in person, apologize to each other, both of you need to be very humble and make amends. There needs to be concerted, sincere effort to salvage the relationship. Also, a mended relationship requires lots of time, cultivation, nurturing and maintenance all over again. Take it slow, too. Good luck.

Link to comment

I do think you have good reason to be skeptical OP... your relationship with her had a number of problems that you can't fix just by changing yourself. It takes two to make a relationship work and if she hasn't done her part, it's likely that you will end up in this same position over and over again... fighting, breaking up, her rebounding, getting back together, until you decide you have had enough.

 

I don't really see the appeal of getting back together with ex's to be honest... IMO an ex is an ex for good reason.

Link to comment
You know your history, generally and with her. From your past threads I got the impression that you may have your strongest feelings for her when she's gone, or maybe seeing someone else, rather than when you guys are actually together. I'd at least reflect on whether there's any truth to that.

 

At the end of the day it shouldn't feel like an exhausting game where feelings of "love" are delivered like shots of amphetamines or extracted through mental mining, followed by crashes where the thing that gets you through the crash is a craving for another shot, another foray into the mines.

 

I mean, it's certainly one way to go about it all—exciting here, exhausting there—but it has serious limitations.

 

I was going to say the same.

 

Seems deep down you have a case of want what you can’t haves.

 

You left her... but the second she finds someone else you become a desperate wounded bird? Doesn’t that at all seem just a bit illogical?

 

You mention you’re both getting too old, I agree, but for your age. I don’t know, it seems you’d be a bit more in tune with your own actions.

 

Why did you break you with her? How is it rectified?

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...