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Thread: How do I go about this?

  1. #11
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    Tell him if he is serious, contact you in 6 months.

    If he contacts you thereabouts and has not dated anyone and has worked through his relationship a bit, if you want to have lunch for old time's sake, go ahead = but make it lunch or something during the day so you are thinking clearly. you are a different person from who you were 4 years ago, though.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You are wise to limit interaction. By all means meet up BUT keep it very platonic. Just don't make it a regular thing.
    Just so you know, a lot has changed over 4 years, and as you get reacquainted, he may turn out to be someone you are no longer interested in. As someone stated, you both are different people from 4 years ago. Try and keep you past emotions out of it.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by AvaD21
    My ex and I broke up 4 years ago, we were still in love but I was very immature and hard to be with at that time and it just fell apart.

    We have spoken/saw each other in the years since but he moved on to another girl.

    He recently came back on the scene in a kind of Ďfriendsí way and said part of him still loves me, that he realises his gf wasnít the one for him the way he looks at me. He knows how much Iíve changed and grown up since we split and I think Iíve become really attractive to him again.

    He isnít with his gf anymore, heís asked me if we can meet up just as friends Because we were beat friends when we were together and see how it goes. Iíve told him that I wonít because he split up with his gf not long ago and Iím still not sure if itís a rebound kind of thing. He swears itís not and affirms that because weíve still had a bond all these years he truly just wants to get to know me again.

    We speak often at the moment but Iím trying to limit it. I do want to meet up but donít know how long to leave it. Ultimately, if things went well as friends, I could see us getting back together I just donít know whether I should try and lessen the contact etc to ensure I protect my heart in this?
    Smart girl. Ask him to reconnect in six months.

    I thought that you agreed that he lived too far away? Is he going to move?

    No contact.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 12-05-2019 at 11:54 AM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Is this a long distance romance? If so put a stop to it and move forwards and date locally. This person belongs in your past. Try not to get stuck in loops that don't go anywhere. It doesn't sound like you're the immature one this time.

    If you're both in the same vicinity, just get to know each other as friends. You mentioned ensuring you "protect [your] heart". Well, there is no insurance for that. You either avoid trouble altogether if you feel you can't handle yourself or you jump right in it and see where it goes. It still requires some self-confidence in yourself and an idea that you can get through whatever comes your way. It also means knowing your boundaries and not getting sucked into or being pressured by someone else's whims and fancies (namely his). You shouldn't feel you have to go out on a limb for him. If you're not sure about it or you don't trust him at all (he can't be trusted to respect your boundaries either), shut the door on it.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    When I read this I can't help but feel you don't see yourself as capable of handling your end.

    So what if his agenda is to rebound? You are in total control of your own participation in this.
    It's a great life lesson that in turn keeps you safe in other situations as well. Believe you have what it takes.

    If you were to meet up with him as a friend, trust that you aren't under anyone's spell and you are in control of what you will and will not accept.

    Being someones rebound is definitely one of them.
    If you feel like it, meet up on his supposed friendship terms and shut down anything in between.
    It's a great exercise in self care.

  7. #16
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    Thanks all, I think some people have read a previous post of mine whereby I talk about a man long distance...this isnít the same guy.
    Heís local to me, it resonates with me what some of you have said about my intuition and nervousness regarding this. I think I gotta put a plug in it cause thereís too much telling me not to, I think because we still get on so weíll thereís just that curious side that thinks Ďis he still The One?í

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    When I read this I can't help but feel you don't see yourself as capable of handling your end.

    So what if his agenda is to rebound? You are in total control of your own participation in this.
    It's a great life lesson that in turn keeps you safe in other situations as well. Believe you have what it takes.

    If you were to meet up with him as a friend, trust that you aren't under anyone's spell and you are in control of what you will and will not accept.

    Being someones rebound is definitely one of them.
    If you feel like it, meet up on his supposed friendship terms and shut down anything in between.
    It's a great exercise in self care.

    So true. Thank you for your advice

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Even if this is someone else, unfortunately his reaching out after being dumped does not set the best stage for anything but heartache for you. Meet up if you want, but be aware that he may be talking to this gf and is just looking for a quick fix.
    Originally Posted by AvaD21
    He isnít with his gf anymore, heís asked me if we can meet up just as friends.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AvaD21
    Thanks all, I think some people have read a previous post of mine whereby I talk about a man long distance...this isnít the same guy.
    Heís local to me, it resonates with me what some of you have said about my intuition and nervousness regarding this. I think I gotta put a plug in it cause thereís too much telling me not to, I think because we still get on so weíll thereís just that curious side that thinks Ďis he still The One?í
    I'm married and I still don't believe in "the One". I absolutely love my husband and am very much in love but anything can happen in life and I've learned to leave plenty of room for the unpredictable. Instead of the idea of "the One", why not think of people you meet in life being as ordinary as you or I? There is no mystery to love or a fancy recipe. That person isn't and shouldn't be your knight in shining armour or that castle in the clouds. It's not an illusive dream and it may not even be "One" but a series of loves in a lifetime. In the end it's people coming together enjoying their time together. It doesn't get much more complicated than that, imho.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Honestly, I have heard of situations like this before and I have seen good outcomes and bad outcomes.

    Bad, obviously that they are just rebounding or as someone said, the second time around rarely ever works.(I agree to a large extent).
    However, I have seen situations where the second time does work and works well enough that a marriage comes along and all are happy. (even if it is on the more rare end of things).

    It is difficult to say how it's going to turn out, but at the end of the day, it's you who chooses what path you want to go down.
    I hope you make the best decision for yourself and that things turn out well either way.

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