Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 37

Thread: Lost a friend of 10 years...feel hurt and used

  1. #21

    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    11
    @Andrina, best friend is a term of endearment , I say it to simply show how close we were, I did not not call her best friend everyday or something it's a term for a reason, nothing wrong with it

    And I did not put all my eggs in one basket, if you read my post I had another friend and I have a few friends now but I had 2 closest friends which was her and my other friend.

    I did not make a mistake in texting her to check in and see how she is doing and is she if annoyed by me or anything, cause after her bday she told me she wants to chill soon, so thats just a question, nothing crazy.

    And my partner is a big part of my life, if you cannot see my happiness, that sucks. I was 3rd wheel for 4 years when she was in a long term relationship and I was single and not settled in any way, I sucked it up, partied, had a good time with them, she brang him everywhere, even when I was down, I was happy for her and didn't project anything onto her or them....that's what friends do!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,665
    I find it odd when people say they are planning to get engaged in 1-2 years. An engagement is a promise to marry. So essentially you are engaged now.

    But what’s more odd is the moment you chose to tell your friend this.
    When she opened up to you and told you that her relationship is going downhill.
    You said you couldn’t relate because you were planning on getting engaged. Seriously??
    You also said you’ve had heartache before, so you couldn’t relate it to that?
    I think you lack empathy to be honest and are a little self centred.

    When your friend was down in Europe , you automatically assume she’s being intentionally down purely to kill your mood.
    It’s not always about you ya know!

    Time to do a little self reflecting I think.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,123
    Gender
    Female
    I had a gf for about 15 yrs and most of the time all was good. At one point she just stopped talking to me and I had no idea why. I let it go then it bothered me a lot so I reached out to her, we got back to our friendly ways, and all was good for several more years. She moved away and I did go visit her a few times and she visited me too. Then she dropped me again! I let it go and then I was actually angry when I thought about it as I knew I didnt do anything to make her mad. I called her one day and she was as mean and nasty as a person could be! I sure didnt expect that. I got off the phone, confused. I decided never again would I call her, and I havent. This had to be 15 yrs ago now. I think about her maybe once a year at most, and wonder how she's doing. She did have a few mental issues that came along over time, but I didnt contribute to or cause any of her problems.

    As for you, I think your friend outgrew you like I think my friend outgrew me, and she has moved on. Try not to let it affect your life, you can reminisce about the good times but dont let it get you down. I am so over my friend, she had issues I could not help with.

  4. #24

    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    11
    Billie28 I couldn't relate to her relationship issues yes I mentioned cause I am getting engaged, I am not in the dating phase anymore, I think this is her reasoning, but I said I have had heartache and said I CAN relate to her from those experiences!!!and thier are other issues she had in the resltionship that I couldn't relate to and I think many others might not relate to, I don't want to mention it on here, I tried to be a support though, it's more complex then what I just posted....

    Well it's just me and her on the trip and she did direct her rudeness, ignoring me and mean comments to me so yeah I'm going to think it's about me, what else will tell you someone is not feeling you, what a dumb thing to post!

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,571
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with others advise that relationships change, some grow, mature and some outgrow each other. I've lost a couple best friends along the way and it is a little concerning at the time but eventually you understand why.

    I'm experiencing a slow fade of a best friend currently. It's been ongoing for about a year now. We have mutual friends and see other a couple times a month. You can tell there is tension but no one identifies what that is.

    I can only speak for myself. I represent a lot of things this friend is unhappy about. I am in a good relationship and I am financially sound? She makes bad choices in men and money and doesn't take responsibility for it. These things happen `to' her. Not because of her. She can't be happy for me. . or for anyone for that matter.

    She's easily agitated and abrupt .Her escalating negativity wears on me and the saying that is often repeated here: People move away from pain and towards pleasure, applies. It just all feels toxic at times.

    It still makes me sad. It's still a loss nonetheless, but we are just not compatible. Not like before.

    Interestingly enough. Her current sidekick is a mutual friend. K is as sweet as can be, selfless, patient people-pleaser. I try to be objective and it comes to me. I was K in another life. I say to myself. . It makes total sense, "K can carry G's purse now". I can't do it anymore. I understand why G doesn't seek me out any longer and I am good with that.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,979
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I think she's envious of your accomplishments and upcoming engagement and cannot deal. Being nice isn't the issue - take her words at face value. I know how disappointing and upsetting this must be and I'm sorry she chose to text rather than talk to you.
    I agree!

    This girl is not your friend, and hasn'r been for some time. You have more clarity as to who she is, and will soon be grateful she ended things- even if it was done in a lousy way.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,979
    Why do you have one good friend? Why aren't you making an effort to meet more people?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,041
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I agree with others advise that relationships change, some grow, mature and some outgrow each other. I've lost a couple best friends along the way and it is a little concerning at the time but eventually you understand why.

    I'm experiencing a slow fade of a best friend currently. It's been ongoing for about a year now. We have mutual friends and see other a couple times a month. You can tell there is tension but no one identifies what that is.

    I can only speak for myself. I represent a lot of things this friend is unhappy about. I am in a good relationship and I am financially sound? She makes bad choices in men and money and doesn't take responsibility for it. These things happen `to' her. Not because of her. She can't be happy for me. . or for anyone for that matter.

    She's easily agitated and abrupt .Her escalating negativity wears on me and the saying that is often repeated here: People move away from pain and towards pleasure, applies. It just all feels toxic at times.

    It still makes me sad. It's still a loss nonetheless, but we are just not compatible. Not like before.

    Interestingly enough. Her current sidekick is a mutual friend. K is as sweet as can be, selfless, patient people-pleaser. I try to be objective and it comes to me. I was K in another life. I say to myself. . It makes total sense, "K can carry G's purse now". I can't do it anymore. I understand why G doesn't seek me out any longer and I am good with that.
    I am a similar age to you and OP -I also have gone through just this sort of thing recently. It becomes harder and harder to have a normal conversation because the negative person sees your comments through the lens of negativity and resentment.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,500
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Mak2019
    But I could not help but notice that everytime I talked to my bf she looked like she was burning or itching to leave.
    How often and how long were you talking to your BF at her birthday dinner?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    3,038
    Gender
    Female
    I think it's bizarre that you consider this person a friend at all considering how little you think of her. She may feel that condescension from you. I don't think a lot of people would be able to tolerate that. It may also be why she's irritable around you and why her attitude towards you changed.

    Somewhere along the way, whatever resentment you had against her built up and showed. She felt it coming from you and she did the best thing she could do without flipping out at you, cussing you, calling you names or arguing with you. She just wanted to go separate ways. I'd be respectful of her choice and even though you're hurt, she deserves to make that choice for herself especially if she's not happy around you.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •