How to start something with a worker in a store?

How can I get a conversation going with a retail worker in a store when I am just a random customer among many?

There is a very beautiful retail assistant at a book store I frequent whom I'd like to get to know, but I am at a loss to how to do so in that environment.

The store is a large one in a major city with a lot of people traffic - other customers and other assistants walking around constantly.

Buying something and getting to her if she's at the cashier seems too small a window, given the immediate transaction that needs to happen and the inevitable queue behind me.

I can only see approaching her when she's on the store floor, in the guise of asking for help finding a book (like any customer). But what could I say beyond that to get a rapport going?

As a customer, she would presumably help me as efficiently as possible and that'd be the end of it.

My aim is not to ask her for coffee or get her number immediately, as that seems too forthcoming and uncomfortable in her place of work among her colleagues.

And since she is at her place of work, it is unlikely that she'd have an extended conversation with me when she could be helping another customer.

So I have a very limited timeframe to create an interaction that's memorable, where I'd be more than just another customer she served that day. Accomplishing that, I would intend to return on another day and continue eroding the customer/worker barrier.

But since I visit the store regularly (even before she started), I'm wary that there is a fine line between looking stalker-ish/creepy vs. a welcome face, depending on the interaction...

You just have to be bold. See if she can help you "find a book" and while doing that, have your number written on a piece of paper ready and hand it to her and tell her that you'd like to go for coffee sometime and if she's interested, to text you.

That's literally all you can do in this situation without coming off as a stalker.

Dont keep going back, don't prolong it and keep showing up. Trust me, she and all her colleagues will notice and it will look creepy.

Go in, ask her, and cross your fingers.

Yeah this is a tricky scenario. On the other hand, you got nothing to lose, she is just a random retail assistant at a shop. So, just man up and take the direct approach before you end up hovering around her so much that it looks creepy.

"Hey there, I noticed you shopping here a few days/weeks ago and thought you were just beautiful! Can I buy you a coffee some time? I'd love to get to know you."

I know, easier said than done. But as I said, nothing to lose.

You just have to be bold. See if she can help you "find a book" and while doing that, have your number written on a piece of paper ready and hand it to her and tell her that you'd like to go for coffee sometime and if she's interested, to text you.

 

That's literally all you can do in this situation without coming off as a stalker.

That is what I would I would do too .

Yeah this is a tricky scenario. On the other hand, you got nothing to lose, she is just a random retail assistant at a shop. So, just man up and take the direct approach before you end up hovering around her so much that it looks creepy.

 

"Hey there, I noticed you shopping here a few days/weeks ago and thought you were just beautiful! Can I buy you a coffee some time? I'd love to get to know you."

 

I know, easier said than done. But as I said, nothing to lose.

Don't do this. When guys gush over looks it's very cringy, and I can imagine she's heard a looks based compliment a lot.

Don't do this. When guys gush over looks it's very cringy, and I can imagine she's heard a looks based compliment a lot.

It is honest though.

Given OP has barely had a conversation with her, and it is difficult to engineer an organic scenario where he could have one, I don't see how he could say anything besides commenting on how she looks. I mean he could compliment something more specific like her hair/eyes/outfit... but it's all still superficial. Given the scenario here, I think being direct and honest is the best approach.

The closest personal experience I have with this is where I asked a girl for her number towards the end of a group tour day-trip. I went with an anti-social friend, she went with some of her girl friends. I noticed her early in the day, but had no chance to speak with her cos my friend wanted go off just by ourselves all day. Eventually towards the end of the day, when we bumped into her group again, I offered to take her picture at a scenic spot, she declined, so then I asked her to help me take a picture of me at the spot... That broke the ice, and then I prompted said something like, "I noticed you right away as the prettiest girl on this tour, can I have your number? Let's go see a movie some time soon."

Straight to the point, and on that occasion, it worked. She was out of my league, but probably surprised that I could be so bold. To be honest, it was a bit out of character for me, I've chickened out of similar situations before... but I thought, "well if I don't say anything, I will never see this girl again 100%... if I say something and she shoots me down, then the outcome will be exactly the same... and there is a chance, however small, that she will say yes... So nothing to lose."

Do ask for help with a book you want to read. Learn her name. Go back a few days later & ask her for help picking a gift for someone. Ask what she's into. Somewhere in there find out if she's single, as in not in a relationship. Go back a 3rd time & ask her for coffee on her break that day or after work. If that goes well then you can ask her on a date.

Don't do this. When guys gush over looks it's very cringy, and I can imagine she's heard a looks based compliment a lot.

I agree. It would be off-putting to me to have a stranger comment on my looks.

Try for more conversation about a book, the neighborhood, whatever. Ask her to order a specific book for you and call you when it's in. Never walk up to someone in their work place and hit on them with "coffee, here's my number" etc. 100 guys a day do this to her and she will view you, not as an interesting guy, but yet another dude hitting on her.

I visit the store regularly (even before she started), I'm wary that there is a fine line between looking stalker-ish/creepy vs. a welcome face, depending on the interaction...

TBH I never liked being hit on or asked out while I was working. Sure when I worked at a night club it was part of the job, but when I found a new job working in a warehouse, and a client hit on me asking for my number....it was down right embarrassing.

The best thing to do is to strike up a conversation about what she would recommend to read, get her name/introduce yourself and develop a more of professional relationship first. Go in there again, wave say hi, don't forget to say her name, ask how she is doing, and tell her how much you enjoyed the book. Tell her she has good taste, and say you will ask her again next time you are looking for a good book to read. Then go about your business. Don't stand there like an oaf waiting for her to do something. Always keep things short, and on the upswing. Then disappear for a week before you show up again. Wash rinse repeat. Once you get a good rapport going (about a month or so). Hopefully by that time she is excited to see you, and that's when you ask her where a good place to go for coffee, then ask her if she would like to join you.

TBH I never liked being hit on or asked out while I was working. Sure when I worked at a night club it was part of the job, but when I found a new job working in a warehouse, and a client hit on me asking for my number....it was down right embarrassing.

 

The best thing to do is to strike up a conversation about what she would recommend to read, get her name/introduce yourself and develop a more of professional relationship first. Go in there again, wave say hi, don't forget to say her name, ask how she is doing, and tell her how much you enjoyed the book. Tell her she has good taste, and say you will ask her again next time you are looking for a good book to read. Then go about your business. Don't stand there like an oaf waiting for her to do something. Always keep things short, and on the upswing. Then disappear for a week before you show up again. Wash rinse repeat. Once you get a good rapport going (about a month or so). Hopefully by that time she is excited to see you, and that's when you ask her where a good place to go for coffee, then ask her if she would like to join you.

- This is great advice.

I'm on the "be bold / direct approach" boat. Having said that I would not ask for her number in front of colleagues and clients. I'd feel awkward if someone did this to me. Very awkward and most likely uncomfortable. Giving her your number on a piece of paper is less intimidating. Preferably on the slowest of days that way she may have some spare seconds to chat to you. In my experience, retail assistants are chattier if there's a lull.

Try for more conversation about a book, the neighborhood, whatever. Ask her to order a specific book for you and call you when it's in. Never walk up to someone in their work place and hit on them with "coffee, here's my number" etc. 100 guys a day do this to her and she will view you, not as an interesting guy, but yet another dude hitting on her.

I can guarantee you that no, there isn't 100 guys a day who do this. Why? Because it's anxiety provoking and it takes a lot of courage.

But to keep returning to a shop over and over, is noticeable (in a bad way) and is creepy. It won't be received well and most often, it becomes unnerving and annoying for the workers as they will notice the same guy slinking in..again.

You really do have the option to ask for a date or hand a number over or leave it. But to creep in over and over, won't be attractive.

Being a regular "customer" is NOT creepy. When you become a regular you get instant recognition when you walk in, faster service, extra perks, etc. Why? because you have established rapport.

In my opinion is it.

I have worked in retail and as a waitress. We did notice if the same gentleman showed up and was being flirty or staring or trying to talk to a certain worker.

It's more than obvious.

Most times it was embarrassing for the employee.

Yes, if you go into a shop as a regular customer with no ulterior motives, than it's not a big deal. But some guy returning over and over and trying to talk to the same worker??

That IS noticeable and it is creepy.

It is honest though.

 

Given OP has barely had a conversation with her, and it is difficult to engineer an organic scenario where he could have one, I don't see how he could say anything besides commenting on how she looks. I mean he could compliment something more specific like her hair/eyes/outfit... but it's all still superficial. Given the scenario here, I think being direct and honest is the best approach.

 

The closest personal experience I have with this is where I asked a girl for her number towards the end of a group tour day-trip. I went with an anti-social friend, she went with some of her girl friends. I noticed her early in the day, but had no chance to speak with her cos my friend wanted go off just by ourselves all day. Eventually towards the end of the day, when we bumped into her group again, I offered to take her picture at a scenic spot, she declined, so then I asked her to help me take a picture of me at the spot... That broke the ice, and then I prompted said something like, "I noticed you right away as the prettiest girl on this tour, can I have your number? Let's go see a movie some time soon."

 

Straight to the point, and on that occasion, it worked. She was out of my league, but probably surprised that I could be so bold. To be honest, it was a bit out of character for me, I've chickened out of similar situations before... but I thought, "well if I don't say anything, I will never see this girl again 100%... if I say something and she shoots me down, then the outcome will be exactly the same... and there is a chance, however small, that she will say yes... So nothing to lose."

I can tell you don't have much experience with females.

Commenting on looks comes off sleazy. Guys do it often with me, and it's not flattering, regardless of how attractive they are lol. If someone said that to me I would not have agreed to a date.

He can find something else to talk about.

Don't think about it so much. Just ask her for a coffee. The whole eroding the customer/worker barrier is insidious and way too deep, if you don't mind me saying. This is a simple meet and greet. Don't overthink it.

In my opinion is it.

 

I have worked in retail and as a waitress. We did notice if the same gentleman showed up and was being flirty or staring or trying to talk to a certain worker.

It's more than obvious.

 

Most times it was embarrassing for the employee.

 

Yes, if you go into a shop as a regular customer with no ulterior motives, than it's not a big deal. But some guy returning over and over and trying to talk to the same worker??

That IS noticeable and it is creepy.

If you read my post, I stipulated that he have a "professional" rapport with her. Nothing about being flirty, hitting on her. Just be an appreciative customer.

I get it I have been hit on a my jobs too, and it's annoying. I do have clients that specifically ask to deal with me....nothing creepy about that if someone likes your good service.

I would ask for a book recommendation on whatever topic interests you. Then I would ask if she would like to discuss the book over a coffee or dessert.

And count me in with those who say do NOT say anything about her beauty or whatever. That's so superficial.

I agree. It would be off-putting to me to have a stranger comment on my looks.

I agree as well. Don't comment on looks, it's a turn-off. It's creepy and unoriginal and screams "I'm a player wannabe looking to get into your pants."

lol sometimes I feel like I live in a different world to you guys

I thought trying to engineer an artificial situation would obviously get picked up by an intelligent woman and come across cowardly. The way OP described his situation, he has to hover around the store until she happens to be walking around the shop floor, then he would have to specifically find her, and then come up with an excuse to ask for her assistance... how incredibly convoluted and manipulative? Surely the woman in question and/or her colleagues would notice.

That's why I suggested honesty. Also, to be honest, most of the girls I've known (friends, colleagues and acquaintances) did like compliments as long as it was not sleazy. Like, "you look really good in that dress" will generally be well received, "your bum looks awesome in that dress!"... will not.

I still think he should ask her out for a coffee, plain and simple. He can comment on her looks after the coffee date when they're giggling over the sugared lemon squares and laughing about other things. I don't think there's anything bad about mentioning it later on.

She's going to roll her eyes. You can be straight forward and not gush about someone's looks. It might work on insecure females or ones that don't get much attention, but with ones like her, she would hear these sort of compliments regularly and it's lame.

Thanks all for the responses, appreciate it.

Everyone has captured my thoughts in one form or another.

I have run through the bold, immediate hit-up/coffee thing in my head but unless I was a head-turning male model or in a scripted movie with a happy ending, it just seems highly unlikely to succeed.

And while my attraction is based on the buzz I get from seeing her, I agree with many that this would be a superficial angle to go on; shallow and overly forthcoming from her POV. Because I'd be expecting her to make the same judgement, but on the spot. I've complimented her on her looks in my head and it sounds corny even to me; something that works only under perfect circumstances or in a movie.

Putting myself in her shoes, the interaction would come out-of-nowhere, and likely be no different to the last guy who tried it. I'd imagine it'd be awkward and fruitless, combined with everyone milling around.

As noted by MirrorKnight, the environment being an active retail space is the challenge, as it is not conducive to create an extended, organic scenario as a complete stranger.

I also don't presume to appear creepy by simply being a regular, browsing customer - the store is a major, busy one with lots of people, so I wouldn't necessarily stand out.

But if an interaction didn't go positively from her POV - and I turned up again - that's when I feel the impression would turn.

The only angle I can fathom is to create opportunities where I can have return interactions with her that are organic and not forced, in order to build a natural rapport where I can be a welcome familiar vs. a recurring creep. Something akin to smackie9's advice...

TL;DR - I am wary of going from 0 to 100 in one interaction, so I feel I need to get there in increments...