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Thread: How to start something with a worker in a store?

  1. #21
    Silver Member waffle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I agree. It would be off-putting to me to have a stranger comment on my looks.
    I agree as well. Don't comment on looks, it's a turn-off. It's creepy and unoriginal and screams "I'm a player wannabe looking to get into your pants."

  2. #22
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    lol sometimes I feel like I live in a different world to you guys :P

    I thought trying to engineer an artificial situation would obviously get picked up by an intelligent woman and come across cowardly. The way OP described his situation, he has to hover around the store until she happens to be walking around the shop floor, then he would have to specifically find her, and then come up with an excuse to ask for her assistance... how incredibly convoluted and manipulative? Surely the woman in question and/or her colleagues would notice.

    That's why I suggested honesty. Also, to be honest, most of the girls I've known (friends, colleagues and acquaintances) did like compliments as long as it was not sleazy. Like, "you look really good in that dress" will generally be well received, "your bum looks awesome in that dress!"... will not.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I still think he should ask her out for a coffee, plain and simple. He can comment on her looks after the coffee date when they're giggling over the sugared lemon squares and laughing about other things. I don't think there's anything bad about mentioning it later on.

  4. #24
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    She's going to roll her eyes. You can be straight forward and not gush about someone's looks. It might work on insecure females or ones that don't get much attention, but with ones like her, she would hear these sort of compliments regularly and it's lame.

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  6. #25
    Member Expression's Avatar
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    Thanks all for the responses, appreciate it.

    Everyone has captured my thoughts in one form or another.

    I have run through the bold, immediate hit-up/coffee thing in my head but unless I was a head-turning male model or in a scripted movie with a happy ending, it just seems highly unlikely to succeed.

    And while my attraction is based on the buzz I get from seeing her, I agree with many that this would be a superficial angle to go on; shallow and overly forthcoming from her POV. Because I'd be expecting her to make the same judgement, but on the spot. I've complimented her on her looks in my head and it sounds corny even to me; something that works only under perfect circumstances or in a movie.

    Putting myself in her shoes, the interaction would come out-of-nowhere, and likely be no different to the last guy who tried it. I'd imagine it'd be awkward and fruitless, combined with everyone milling around.

    As noted by MirrorKnight, the environment being an active retail space is the challenge, as it is not conducive to create an extended, organic scenario as a complete stranger.

    I also don't presume to appear creepy by simply being a regular, browsing customer - the store is a major, busy one with lots of people, so I wouldn't necessarily stand out.

    But if an interaction didn't go positively from her POV - and I turned up again - that's when I feel the impression would turn.

    The only angle I can fathom is to create opportunities where I can have return interactions with her that are organic and not forced, in order to build a natural rapport where I can be a welcome familiar vs. a recurring creep. Something akin to smackie9's advice...

    TL;DR - I am wary of going from 0 to 100 in one interaction, so I feel I need to get there in increments...

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sorry...... that's way creepier to me than just asking someone out for coffee or if she's free to hang out sometime. The fact that some guy is tailing my moves in a store and trying to work himself up by increments makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand. It sounds like you have some severe confidence issues and have put her on a very high pedestal just because of her looks?

    I noticed you're referencing physical beauty a lot. Is it possible that you're overestimating her by her looks?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    lol sometimes I feel like I live in a different world to you guys :P
    Men and women are different and most women would not be cool with it, despite what your friends tell you.

    It's off putting and can be taken the wrong way.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    The only angle I can fathom is to create opportunities where I can have return interactions with her that are organic and not forced, in order to build a natural rapport where I can be a welcome familiar vs. a recurring creep. Something akin to smackie9's advice..
    All I'm saying is, I worked in retail...we know when you're trying to create "rapport" and pretending to come in for merchandise but want a date. It's obvious and it will be noticed, even in a larger business.

    Real versus phoney, not hard to tell the difference.

    Do it that way if you must, but she'll know what you're trying to do.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I noticed you're referencing physical beauty a lot. Is it possible that you're overestimating her by her looks?
    Agree.

    You're turning her into some kind of fantasy and she might not even be a nice person or someone you'd ever get on with.

    Maybe dial it down a bit and realize she's just a human being who might be okay but also might not be.

  11. #30
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    All I'm saying is, I worked in retail...we know when you're trying to create "rapport" and pretending to come in for merchandise but want a date. It's obvious and it will be noticed, even in a larger business.

    Real versus phoney, not hard to tell the difference.

    Do it that way if you must, but she'll know what you're trying to do.
    Yes, precisely.

    When I worked in London, there was a sandwich shop on the way between the subway station and my office where I picked up my breakfast most mornings. I was essentially a regular. If there was a cute waitress there that I wanted to ask out, sure, I could gradually build some rapport before slipping her a note or just asking her out.

    But the scenario the OP described is different. A bookshop is not somewhere you would go on a regular basis unless it had a designated area for reading.

    It sounds like you have some severe confidence issues and have put her on a very high pedestal just because of her looks?

    I noticed you're referencing physical beauty a lot. Is it possible that you're overestimating her by her looks?
    I agree with Rose Mosse. OP, you are stressing out way too much over this stranger, no matter how pretty she is. The point of my direct approach is that there is literally no cost to failure. Yes, the chance of success is low, it usually is for the vast majority of mortal men... but that's okay because you have not spent hours, days and weeks of your life trying to engineer a convoluted strategy to build a fake rapport.

    something that works only under perfect circumstances or in a movie.
    Not necessarily. It depends on what you define as success. In my day-trip example, I ended up going on three dates with that girl and joined her and her friend on another weekend trip. Ultimately nothing came of it in terms of a relationship, but I enjoyed the company of a pretty girl for movies, parks and dinners, and made a friend (sort of) that I am still (sort of) in touch with. I would consider that a success.

    Consider an opposite example. I once saw a strikingly beautiful girl on a pedestrian overpass taking pictures of the sunset on my way home from work. I chickened out of saying anything. I have never seen her again. (I guess she was a tourist) Sure, the chance that she was single and willing to go on a date with me was probably 1%, but 1% is better than 0%. So I should have just asked her out there and then. No time to build rapport in that circumstance.

    In some ways, dating is a numbers game. Roll the dice enough times, you will get a natural 20. (D&D reference.)

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