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Never asks me about me?


dizzygirl

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So I met a guy of a dating site and he seems fine but he’s never asked me anything about me. He even banged my ICD the other week and never asked my why I have it? I asked him how come he doesn’t want to know anything about me and he says, no rush he’ll find out in time, Is this a red flag?

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I'm impressed that you actually asked him... that said, it would seem he isn't being completely honest with you.

 

Typically people find themselves and their thoughts, feelings and stories more interesting than they do other people's. Listening actively takes skill, patience, and empathy... and typically these things will come more naturally to some than they do to others.

 

This is emphasized even more if the one doing all the talking happens to be an extrovert while the other is an introvert.

 

I ran into this all the time when I was dating... guys that would go on and on about themselves, never asking me a single question about myself. I mean I am good with people that like to talk, as I am an introvert and I find that it takes the pressure off, but to never ask me one thing or show any interest in getting to know me? Big red flag. I always sent them to the "next" pile.

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Have you arranged to meet in person?

Same guy? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=556569

I have met him 5 times in the last two weeks, he does take an interest in me and always calls be to see how my day is going, we had a cuddle that’s when he caught my S-icd. We haven’t slept together, I’m not making that mistake again until I feel 100%. On the 2nd date I did warn him that I will be asking him lots of questions and some I didn’t like the answer to, but not bad at all. He’s been very honest.
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Is it possible that you are talking so much that you are pretty much bombarding him with information about yourself unasked? You may not be conscious of it, but you might be doing it out of nerves, past baggage, coming across as super jittery and insecure, etc. It might be showing like a red flag, so he is telling you straight up that he is in the wait and see what shakes out mode. In other words, he is either waiting on you to calm down or waiting to see if your actions and words match up, or both.

 

I've been on many dates like this where the date talks so much, you can't get a word in edgewise and then they suddenly ask why I'm not asking them anything. Brutally honest answer would be "because you won't shut up long enough".....but you know....that's quite rude, so you gloss over it with something more benign. Still comes down to the same thing - waiting to see what you might be like once you calm down....if you'll calm down.

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Ok just take it slowly and relax. If you're ok with the device he should be fine. Is that what you are so self-conscious about him asking about or think he should be the one asking?

 

There is much more to communication than texting or questions/answers. For example demeanor, actions, attitude, etc will tell you a lot more that trying to rush the get-to-know-you process with too many questions.

I have met him 5 times in the last two weeks, he does take an interest in me and always calls be to see how my day is going, we had a cuddle that’s when he caught my S-icd.
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What happens when you talk about stuff and instead of waiting on him to ask you a specific question, you volunteer some info that fits the topic? Does he listen or interrupt to talk more about himself? I find organically talking about something when it comes up a little more relaxed than questions-answers.

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OP has a defibrillator - implanted mechanical device that monitors her heart rate and sends electrical signals when things go awry. The comments you all are making do nothing to improve her self esteem about it. You could just do a simple google search instead of the rude comments implying something dirty about it. Come on people. Be better than this.

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OP has a defibrillator - implanted mechanical device that monitors her heart rate and sends electrical signals when things go awry. The comments you all are making do nothing to improve her self esteem about it. You could just do a simple google search instead of the rude comments implying something dirty about it. Come on people. Be better than this.

 

Yowza. I think her comment was meant as levity, so we responded in kind. No need to be morose all the time.

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I dated someone on and off and he was pretty perfect on paper, lived close by, attractive, we had a lot in common. But I didn't pursue things after several dates for this very reason.

 

He was very charming and interesting but after a handful of dates I realized he knew nothing about me. I could wait for him to come up for air and try to interject or contribute, but there was never any opportunity to add to that or any interest in knowing who is was.

 

It feels very one sided and you if you don't feel a connection based on each others level of interest. . then there really isn't any point continuing. At least, not to me.

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So, I'm the last one to offer any advice on dating but perhaps he is nervous. I imagine that asking you about the ICD is a bit out of line because it's rather personal and, if he did, he might consider it nosy on his part. He might feel that it's an invasion of privacy so early on in the relationship. Just saying...

 

If he continues to focus on himself, I would consider it a red flag.

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OP has a defibrillator - implanted mechanical device that monitors her heart rate and sends electrical signals when things go awry. The comments you all are making do nothing to improve her self esteem about it. You could just do a simple google search instead of the rude comments implying something dirty about it. Come on people. Be better than this.

 

Better than what?

 

Im old, I dont know slang, which is what I thought she was using, lol

 

Youre putting words into our mouths, and the OPers....yeesh.

 

I could google or the OPer could say, 'I have a defibrillator and he touched it...'

 

Now that I know whats being referenced, he could have been afraid to ask, you see the reaction I got when I asked!!!!

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I imagine that asking you about the ICD is a bit out of line because it's rather personal and, if he did, he might consider it nosy on his part. He might feel that it's an invasion of privacy so early on in the relationship. Just saying...

 

This ^^^. My partner has a huge scar on his neck, basically following his carotid artery. When we first met, I took the view that if he wanted to tell me about it, he would when he was ready. I wouldn't have felt comfortable quizzing him about it. I feel the same about my ancient self-harm scars.

 

I have a friend who was born with a left arm which ends at the elbow. She's been used to a lifetime of comments and questions (some of them really offensive), and what really impressed her about her soon-to-be husband when they first met, was that he didn't mention it at all. She eventually raised the subject - that he hadn't mentioned it - and he told her it was a non-issue for him and he was just enjoying getting to know her.

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