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Thread: Godson passed away

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I lost my baby
    Sorry to hear that, it is hard for us to grasp how shattering this must be. (I mean us men, but then I also feel for the fathers in this situation too.)

  2. #12
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    I'm so sorry for your and your friend's loss and I'm sorry she also has to deal with explaining what happened to social services. I'm not sure what you mean by "extremely cruel" and you say she is disabled -did that affect whether she could take care of a newborn?

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    Sorry to hear that, it is hard for us to grasp how shattering this must be. (I mean us men, but then I also feel for the fathers in this situation too.)
    It is much easier to talk about now because it was 12 years ago. Plus the fact he wasnít born yet ( a late miscarriage) I canít imagine having a live birth and losing that baby. I think I would die.

  4. #14

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    This is such a tragedy. I can't imagine her pain. I'm sure you're feeling it, too, both as her friend and as an expectant mum. The best you can do is listen. Don't say trite things that don't help. Cry with her. Hold her. Do simple tasks for her: bring a meal, tidy the house, do an errand, make phone calls, etc. Pray with and for her. She won't be up to doing much while grieving this horrible loss.

    Does she have family or friends who can also help? You can set up a schedule for meals or household help (there are tools for this online).

    Social services might ask hard questions if her house is a mess or if they suspect in any way that the baby was not safe. It seems cruel, but they have to ask these things to get to the root of the cause of death.

    This is going to be painful to hear, but your friend is going to have a hard time being around you and your new baby. It will be a constant reminder of her loss. Please try to understand if she withdraws. She will grieve in her own way; don't judge her, as we all grieve differently and the way she grieves may perplex, hurt, or frustrate you. Give her space if she needs it. It'll take TIME to heal from this loss. You can let her know that she may always call upon you when she's ready.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    One of my SIL's was pregnant the same time I was. 3/4 of the way through her pregnancy it was discovered that there wasn't a heartbeat. She was then induced and gave birth to a still born baby girl.

    I had my son a few weeks later and for the first couple of years she couldn't be in the same room with us, as it was too upsetting for her. I can only imagine she would look at my son and correlate the time and age of the baby daughter she had lost. She went on to get pregnant again and had a healthy baby boy. That seemed to heal things a bit.

    But after her loss it was a very challenging time for everyone, so yes. . you may very well be a reminder of that.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Whenever anyone's life had been turned upside down whether due to death, birth, home from the hospital, financial hardship, personal upheaval such as divorce, tragedy / accidents, just moved into a new home or the like, I ALWAYS bring homemade dinner to them. I don't linger. I give it to them and leave promptly. This is my way. Everybody gets hungry eventually. People get sick 'n tired of take out / carry out meals, restaurant food, fast food and crave for a home cooked meal made with love.

    Homemade dinner expresses very humble, lovely help instead of asking the age old question: "What can I do to help? Just call me if you need anything, blah, blah, blah." Well, people don't want to impose nor ask you for help so volunteer, jump right in and bring delicious food to them and paper plates. (Don't eat it. Give it and leave immediately.) Make life convenient for the bereft. Whenever anyone did this for me and my family, words could never even begin to express my utmost gratitude.

    Take good care of yourself.

    You support by caring without talking. Actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    I'm heading down Friday, unfortunately it's a two hour drive so can't easily bring a meal with me. I've asked her if my being pregnant will be more upsetting, but she said ours more being around young babies.. she night up my pregnancy before I said anything.

    Social are there to try and help and have offered support, currently she's too numb and in shock to know what she wants or needs, it's going to take a long time for her and her family to come to terms with this.

    Thank you for all the tips, I will do what I can when there, even if it's just a short walk, or loud music and sitting together in silence.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Butterfly~Wrists
    I'm heading down Friday, unfortunately it's a two hour drive so can't easily bring a meal with me. I've asked her if my being pregnant will be more upsetting, but she said ours more being around young babies.. she night up my pregnancy before I said anything.

    Social are there to try and help and have offered support, currently she's too numb and in shock to know what she wants or needs, it's going to take a long time for her and her family to come to terms with this.

    Thank you for all the tips, I will do what I can when there, even if it's just a short walk, or loud music and sitting together in silence.
    I would bring nonperishables - fresh fruit, delicious nut butters and preserves if she's not allergic, some good crackers or rolls, and maybe bake cookies and bring some nice tea. I'm not a fan of people bringing me home cooked food unless I'm very comfortable with where/how it was made. No need to do a fancy fruit basket. I went to a friend's house the other day and brought her exactly what she had served me last year to show her how much I appreciated it -I bought fancy tea (just at the supermarket) and Lindt truffles. She was delighted. No she wasn't grieving but people really do appreciate the little things.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Hmm good idea, she does live boursin and crackers. And I that note I have some in fridge yum.. she isn't eating particularly well/healthy so not sure on feeding into the potential binging on chocolate. She wants to get a memorial tattoo so I might get a gift voucher to her tattooist

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Butterfly~Wrists
    Hmm good idea, she does live boursin and crackers. And I that note I have some in fridge yum.. she isn't eating particularly well/healthy so not sure on feeding into the potential binging on chocolate. She wants to get a memorial tattoo so I might get a gift voucher to her tattooist
    Very thoughtful of you! (just pack the cheese on ice......)

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