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Thread: Godson passed away

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Godson passed away

    Little boy was only a few days over a month old. Totally heart broken. My best friend, babies mummy, is going through hell right now, social services involved, which is standard for cases of unexplained death of a baby, but are being extremely cruel. My friend is disabled so her home wasn't picture perfect in the immediate aftermath, when they turned up.

    I have no clue how to help her through this hell.
    It's also making me so scared something could happen to my baby (19+2 weeks pregnant).

    How on earth do I support her? 😧

  2. #2
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    Social services are doing their best to to help determine the cause of the babies death.
    Questions raised are necessary in the best interest of that poor baby. Surely the mother realises this and while the questions asked might be hard to answer , any mother would be happy to oblige in the interest of their lost child and to determine the cause.

    Since you are pregnant , you are unlikely to be a source of comfort to your friend right now.

    If she asks to talk to you , then yes be there to listen , but don’t be that person to engage in negative talk re social services etc.

    They don’t take delight in asking awkward questions and are not being intentionally cruel.
    You can always offer to talk to social services as a witness.
    If indeed you are one?

  3. #3
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    This is heart breaking.

    The investigators are professionals, so will go through their procedures, and we hope, come to a rational fact based decision.

    You say they are being extremely cruel. Is there anything in particular, or is it just the general situation is abrasive?

    They do have a job to do. And your firiend can hire a lawyer to protect her interests if she needs to.

    So, to your question -

    Be there.

    Listen.

    Tell her these professionals know what's going on, and will act appropriately.

    At the end of the day, hold her hand, get her a lawyer, etc.

  4. #4
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    What a terrible loss. I am very sorry to hear about this, poor little angel.

    Your friend is going to need support, but understand she might find it difficult to be around you when you're expecting a baby yourself. It could be too painful a reminder of her own loss. Be there for her and help her out where you can. Don't take it personally if she takes some distance from you as your due date approaches.

    As for social services, in which way are they being cruel? You say she's disabled and her home isn't picture-perfect, so I am wondering what that means, exactly. Is her home not safe for an infant? Not kept well? She will no doubt find it difficult to answer their questions right now, but there is a difference between doing their due diligence and actual cruelty. Her heightened emotions might be seeing accusations of neglect or mistreatment where there aren't any.

    If she truly does find their conduct inappropriate or breaching protocol, she needs to contact an attorney.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    The house was a little messy, toys everywhere, litter trays needed emptying they'd not been at home for a few days!, so they said her daughter had to stay at her nans for the weekend, they arrived shortly after they got home from the hospital, drs have said it natural causes. No swelling on brain from being shook or anything. Social are pointing fingers and trying to place blame in a blameless situation. They have to cover their backs, if it was anything the parents had done, but they don't have to treat grieving parents so horribly.

    I get she'll likely struggle with me being pregnant, we don't live close, but so far I'm the person she's spoken to the most about things. She's got a solicitor already, Wahoo have tried connecting social services along with her daughter's Gp in regards to fathers treatment of daughter, but social don't care about that. Sorry my mind is in a whirl, I know social logically should be there to offer support and see if they can help moving forward. It just comes across cruel right now.
    Btw hv and midwives had no concerns over the home.

    I just wish I could help with the pain for her. 😞

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Butterfly~Wrists
    I get she'll likely struggle with me being pregnant, we don't live close, but so far I'm the person she's spoken to the most about things. She's got a solicitor already, Wahoo have tried connecting social services along with her daughter's Gp in regards to fathers treatment of daughter, but social don't care about that.
    What is this about? Has Dad previously mistreated their daughter, or?

    Again, I think all you can do is step back and let the professionals do their jobs. Try not to fuel her angst by pointing fingers at the pros. It won't help her deal with the loss. That will be her lawyer's job. If she is upset about it, listen, but steer her back in the direction of her attorney for such complaints.

    All you can really do is be her shoulder to cry on as she grieves; she's going to need it.

  8. #7
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    This is always a dificult situation, and those being investigated will resent it, but....

    drs have said it natural causes
    They are going through the necessary procedures.

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am so so sorry to hear about this. Be what comfort you can but as others have said a pregnant woman is also a reminder of loss . Hugs my Butters.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone. I'm just listening when she's wanting to talk, trying not to give advice, as I've never been through this situation. It's just really hard, and a devastating time. When I go see her I'll wear baggy clothes to hide my bump x
    Hugs back saraphim thank you xxx

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    That is the best you can do love is to listen and comfort. Even when I lost my baby I realized that it wasn’t other women‘s fault they were pregnant it was just painful. But it is the reality that other people will be pregnant when you lose yours. ( yours generally) hug❤️❤️❤️

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