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Thread: Online dating anxiety

  1. #1
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    Online dating anxiety

    I really want to meet someone but Iím finding online dating really anxiety inducing. Iíve tried lots of ways and I know people will say wait till your ready but that will be never and Iím not getting any younger. I was meant to meet a guy I had been chatting to on Friday - and he got to the place and I was so sick with anxiety I had to cancel - I felt so so bad but I was almost spewing. I had all these scenarios in my head of how he could reject me and it made me feel sick. He is funny but I think superficial so if he didnít like me Iíd assume itís because he thinks Iím ugly? He is still wanting to meet up but Iím hesitant because he seems to have super high expectations. I Is there any tips anyone can give me to get through this??? Iím desperate for help.

  2. #2
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    The issue appears to be your self-esteem, OP.

    I think you are going to need to dig a little deeper and get to the root of why you don't feel good enough. Your fear of rejection is going to make dating very difficult, so it would be wise to sort that out so you can enjoy the experience rather than white-knuckling your way through it.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    The issue appears to be your self-esteem, OP.

    I think you are going to need to dig a little deeper and get to the root of why you don't feel good enough. Your fear of rejection is going to make dating very difficult, so it would be wise to sort that out so you can enjoy the experience rather than white-knuckling your way through it.
    I know I have very little self esteem but I donít know why and I donít know how to change it, if I could I would in a heart beat, itís basically making me waste my life.

  4. #4
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    What is it you're insecure about, exactly?

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What is it you're insecure about, exactly?
    Well I think mainly my looks. I have photos up, some guys say Iím better looking than my photos and others do not want to see me again. I just want someone to like me for my personality only

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I really want to meet someone but Iím finding online dating really anxiety inducing. Iíve tried lots of ways and I know people will say wait till your ready but that will be never and Iím not getting any younger. I was meant to meet a guy I had been chatting to on Friday - and he got to the place and I was so sick with anxiety I had to cancel - I felt so so bad but I was almost spewing. I had all these scenarios in my head of how he could reject me and it made me feel sick. He is funny but I think superficial so if he didnít like me Iíd assume itís because he thinks Iím ugly? He is still wanting to meet up but Iím hesitant because he seems to have super high expectations. I Is there any tips anyone can give me to get through this??? Iím desperate for help.
    Assuming that your profile pictures look like you, and he is still interested in meeting you, then you can safely assume that you are okay in the looks department. A guy would not bother trying to meet somebody he does not find attractive.

    The only times I've been disappointed is when girls have used clearly edited or old photos that do not present a realistic image of themselves. I never understood why they do that.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I know I have very little self esteem but I donít know why and I donít know how to change it, if I could I would in a heart beat, itís basically making me waste my life.
    If you could change it you would ?
    Well there is a way to change it!
    When I online dated, I never ever once thought what if he doesnít like me? My concern was what if I donít like him?
    And how do I get out of the date quickly and respectfully?

    Not everyone is going to like you and you are not going to like everyone.
    If you reject someone for whatever reason , do you not realise thatís personal to you and not him? Do you think just because you rejected him that everyone else will????

    Rejection is only ever personal to the one rejecting, not the person rejected!!

    Do you actually believe that every happily married person never got rejected ever???
    We only need one person to accept us. And for us to accept one.

    Before that happens there will be numerous rejections from both sides.

    You are making yourself physically sick for no reason.

  9. #8
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    Well I think mainly my looks. I have photos up, some guys say Iím better looking than my photos and others do not want to see me again. I just want someone to like me for my personality only
    That's just not realistic. Obviously you want a guy to like you for more than just the physical attraction, but you cannot expect him to be sexless or blind.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight
    That's just not realistic. Obviously you want a guy to like you for more than just the physical attraction, but you cannot expect him to be sexless or blind.
    But what about the saying love is blind ?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    If you could change it you would ?
    Well there is a way to change it!
    When I online dated, I never ever once thought what if he doesnít like me? My concern was what if I donít like him?
    And how do I get out of the date quickly and respectfully?

    Not everyone is going to like you and you are not going to like everyone.
    If you reject someone for whatever reason , do you not realise thatís personal to you and not him? Do you think just because you rejected him that everyone else will????

    Rejection is only ever personal to the one rejecting, not the person rejected!!

    Do you actually believe that every happily married person never got rejected ever???
    We only need one person to accept us. And for us to accept one.

    Before that happens there will be numerous rejections from both sides.

    You are making yourself physically sick for no reason.
    Yes youíve got a point. Iíve just heard lots of stories lately of people who have gone to meet someone and the person saw them and walked away and never showed up, I think that is so mean - and obviously they looked like there photos to know who it was and then do the runner. I have been told I look like my photos (which is apparently rare). I never even think what if I donít like them...
    Itís so hard wish I could meet someone the old fashioned way to take all the pressure off

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