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Thread: Thin line between friendship and something more...

  1. #1
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    Thin line between friendship and something more...

    I have a guy friend who i become really close to for the past year. We are very comfortable with each other’s company, and will make the extra effort to communicate and see each other despite our busy schedules. He was also close to another friend of ours who is not part of our circle and our group sort of assume that they are together because the girl really likes him and they used to hangout. However whenever we ask him about her he would always say that they are just friends and nothing more; that They never even fooled around or do anything intimate. There are rare times that i would hang out with him and the girl’s friends and i notice that the girl would subtly mark her territory with him but i just take it in stride because we are just friends and that they are not officially together.
    So for the past couple of months i noticed that my guy friend is spending more time with me rather than with the girl’s clique. He has also become a little possessive with me like asking me where i am or who i am with when he is not around. Some of our friends also noticed that he has become a little territorial with me, and began questioning our closeness. They cant help but compare that our guy friend is more “caveman” with me than with the other girl. I noticed it too but we are both trying not to cross that line because we dont want to destroy the friendship but his actions says otherwise.
    So last week i was really surprised when he sent me a picture that he is in denmark with the girl’s clique. To be fair, the trip was a planned a year ahead and he told us about it months back but i felt blindsided because we saw each other days prior to his departure but he didnt give me a heads up.
    Now their photos are all over social media for everyone to see with the girl again kind of staking her claim over him. There are no coupley photos though but i feel hurt about it. He did not communicate with me during his whole trip and that hurt even more. I think he knows that i feel really bad and is avoiding the awkwardness of the situation. Should i avoid him when he gets back? Also, he is not the heart to heart talk kind of guy so talking to him about it will not help. What will i do?
    Last edited by phoenixlyza7; 12-02-2019 at 12:46 AM. Reason: Added some details

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He doesn't sound like the shy type, so he would've asked you out by now if he was really into you.

    Close male/female relationships aren't meant to last when there is a sexual chemistry simmering. Once a person gets a serious partner, the "friend" usually gets put on the back burner, since their bf/gf isn't always comfortable with their partner hanging out with a "friend" who emotionally crosses a platonic line.

    Sounds like this guy you're talking about likes to collect a harem of women who have crushes on him. He lets the girl mark his territory with him because he thrives on that sort of attention. If he was a decent person and wasn't into her, he'd place boundaries with her and let her know he's just not interested.

    He is acting jealous of you if other men sniff around because he doesn't want to lose you as a fan, but since he hasn't asked you out, it's a clear sign he's just not that into you. There are so many guys out there like this that exist. Learn to see that red flag waving in your face.

    Leave him to the naive girls who he rounds up into his harem. You're here on a forum because the situation isn't working for you. Guys who are into you make this crystal clear. He's playing games. He's the cat and you're the mouse he's batting around. No wonder you feel crappy.

  3. #3
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    He is actually the shy and nerdy type.😬 that’s why girls finds him harmless.
    He finds it hard to communicate whenever feelings are concerned. He does not allow himself to be vulnerable.

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    OP, no-where in your post do you say whether or not you are interested in a romantic relationship with this chap.

    If you are not, then why would you avoid him?

    If you are (and it sounds like you are feeling at least a little possessive about his attention), then given what you say about his shyness, maybe you should tell him.

    (Before that other girl does.)

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  6. #5
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    I like him. Im starting to have feelings for him But honestly, im not sure if i want to be in a romantic relationship with him because of his issues with communication and his EQ. We’ve known each other for 10 yrs and he never had a gf during that whole time bec of said issues. He is a really great friend though thats why he’s quite popular but it seems that the other girl and her friends are questioning our closeness. Their posts in social media roughly translates to “back off. He was with this girl first before you came along”. MEssage received.

  7. #6
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Tbh I think you are reading way too much into this. I'm not sure how a guy could possibly like you if he has not expressed it in 10 years! I'm also not sure that the other girl is sending any messages on social media. Friends take pictures with each other and post some on social media.

    Are you prone to over-analyzing everything?

  8. #7
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    I also have to wonder if you're seeing subtle jabs at you where there just aren't any.

    What I mean is that if she and he are actually seeing each other in some capacity, it is not unusual that they would travel and post pictures together. I think you're taking it personally because you have feelings for him and are starting to feel jealous of her.

    It seems to me that you need to talk to him. If you're such good friends, you should be able to communicate about this. If he is indeed dating her, it's better that you know so you can take healthy space from him.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's ok to have a crush and it's ok to have guy friends. Unfortunately there is no 'thin line'. Either you are dating and bf/gf...or not and just friends. Stay friends, if you want but it would be better to date other boys.
    Originally Posted by phoenixlyza7
    the past couple of months i noticed that my guy friend is spending more time with me rather than with the girl’s clique.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you legally divorced and living alone?
    Originally Posted by phoenixlyza7
    We separated 2 yrs ago because of his cheating. He discarded me cruelly and chose the other woman. he followed me recently in an inactive social media site that i have and liked the pics that meant something to us.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You two are just friends. Once you are in the friends' zone it will probably stay that way.

    Find a real boyfriend who likes to kiss you. If you are not kissing, you're just wishing.

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