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My husband is selfish in bed


bipolarqueen

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My sex life is a joke. My marriage otherwise is decent, but the sex is awful. I’m 40 and my husband is 48. He is not impotent. I have to practically beg for “favors” and even then he COMPLAINS during the act “my mouth is tired! Are you almost there?”

I take care of myself and have good hygiene. But we hardly have sex anymore and when we do — three minutes, tops. I’m serious. No kissing. No foreplay unless I beg. It’s ridiculous. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and he says he’ll change... but he hasn’t. I’ve bought toys and sexy lingerie....nothing. I know things could be worse than not having awesome sex but it hurts my feelings. Any advice?

And things were a little hotter early in our relationship, but even then just “ok” compared to my other relationships. Maybe he isn’t attracted to me [emoji53]

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Man, you got a lot going on.

 

Issues with mom, disobedient child, trouble with sex life.

 

You can attempt to solve every problem you have at the same time, but I think it would be beneficial as well as more productive to work on one issue at a time.

 

I think the issues with your daughter take precedence.

 

Then your sex life.

 

Then your mom

 

You know the saying, take care of home first.

 

But seriously one issue at a time girl, Im overwhelmed just reading everything going on.

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Man, you got a lot going on.

 

Issues with mom, disobedient child, trouble with sex life.

 

You can attempt to solve every problem you have at the same time, but I think it would be beneficial as well as more productive to work on one issue at a time.

 

I think the issues with your daughter take precedence.

 

Then your sex life.

 

Then your mom

 

You know the saying, take care of home first.

 

But seriously one issue at a time girl, Im overwhelmed just reading everything going on.

 

Sorry. I guess there are a few things bugging me right now. Just trying to get some unbiased opinions. I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to. (My mom was one of them but.... yeah)

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I agree about taking things one at a time.

 

You need to make sure your little girl is okay first. The other issues (although important) should be on the back burner for now until you find out what's upsetting your daughter so much.

 

That little girl is not happy and you need to find the reasons why and how to have a more consistent household so she won't be going off the rails like she is.

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I agree about taking things one at a time.

 

You need to make sure your little girl is okay first. The other issues (although important) should be on the back burner for now until you find out what's upsetting your daughter so much.

 

That little girl is not happy and you need to find the reasons why and how to have a more consistent household so she won't be going off the rails like she is.

 

That of course is the most important thing to me, but I thought I could toss a couple other things out there too... not necessarily because I think they should be dealt with immediately but because they’re bothering me. I just wanted some unbiased input.

 

Didn’t realize you could post “too much” either. Bummer.

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That of course is the most important thing to me, but I thought I could toss a couple other things out there too... not necessarily because I think they should be dealt with immediately but because they’re bothering me. I just wanted some unbiased input.

 

Didn’t realize you could post “too much” either. Bummer.

 

They want to give everyone a chance to be heard .

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You know, you're under NO obligation to participate in any sexual activities where you don't feel valued and appreciated. It's like going to the restaurant and every time you place an order the result is always the same bad food ...why eat it it you don't like it? Why continue having sex if it's bad with no effort from his part? You could just stop doing it for a while. Until you guys come up with a solution. Until he makes the effort in looking for solutions.

At least stop doing something that clearly is not fun for you anymore.

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You know, you're under NO obligation to participate in any sexual activities where you don't feel valued and appreciated. It's like going to the restaurant and every time you place an order the result is always the same bad food ...why eat it it you don't like it? Why continue having sex if it's bad with no effort from his part? You could just stop doing it for a while. Until you guys come up with a solution. Until he makes the effort in looking for solutions.

At least stop doing something that clearly is not fun for you anymore.

 

Honestly, I’m afraid if I stop sleeping with him completely, he’ll go find it somewhere else...

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I understand but you should know that when people cheat, they do it regardless if the sex is great or not at home. They would cheat anyway.

The point is to stop doing things you don't like out of fear. Fear or losing someone, fear of conflicts etc.

Think about what YOU want in your life first. Horor your self. Believe me, he will respect you more if you stand up for yourself.

Start to believe in yourself. Believe you deserve happiness. Pray if it's your thing or meditate or do some social or physical activities , anything that will increase your self confidence. Little by little you'll get stronger. Your life will change when you change.

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You know, what's going on in your sexlife is a reflection of what's going on in general with your husband. Do you feel it difficult to express your needs with him? Do you feel loved? Respected? Do you often suppress your opinion in order to avoid conflict?

 

Maybe you could connect all your posts into one. Maybe your daughter can feel the tension between you two or the unhappiness and she expresses her feelings the best she can...

Right now I think, you feel overwhelmed by all this but if you start by taking care of your self, you will find clarity to fix the other areas of your life.

Engage in an activity you are passionnate about. See your friends more often. It will give you strenght. Say no to bad sex. Say no to any situation where you don' t feel valued. Start asserting yourself in life in general. You will be rewarded.

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Have you ever just asked him straight out what the problem is?

 

He claims that it’s because of the kids. We don’t have a lot of time to do things. We occasionally send the kids for an overnight to their grandparents’ and have a “date night” but even then, things don’t really change. The only time he kissed me during sex was at the beginning of our sexual relationship. That was also the only time he performed favors without being asked to do so.

 

He is touchy-feely with me at home, not in front of the kids, but grabs my butt, stuff like that. He kisses me every day. But we don’t “snuggle” while watching a movie, and he rarely tells me he loves me. We don’t sleep in the same bed a lot of the time because he has sleep apnea (well, not diagnosed, but that’s what I believe) and snores so loudly I end up in the guest room.

 

I thought we got along pretty well but after posting on here about other issues I don’t think that’s the case. We don’t see eye to eye on disciplining our kids and it’s become a huge issue. We don’t really argue and yell about it but it’s a pretty constant source of tension. We talk a lot about it but nothing has been resolved.

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And things were a little hotter early in our relationship, but even then just “ok” compared to my other relationships. Maybe he isn’t attracted to me

 

- Since he was like this in the beginning, this is the way he is. Only if there was a radical change would I say he's not attracted to you.

 

You'll have to decide if his low sex drive is something you want to live with. It would probably be best to determine this sort of thing in the first couple years before marriage.

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