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Thread: My husband is selfish in bed

  1. #11
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    You know, you're under NO obligation to participate in any sexual activities where you don't feel valued and appreciated. It's like going to the restaurant and every time you place an order the result is always the same bad food ...why eat it it you don't like it? Why continue having sex if it's bad with no effort from his part? You could just stop doing it for a while. Until you guys come up with a solution. Until he makes the effort in looking for solutions.
    At least stop doing something that clearly is not fun for you anymore.

  2. #12

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    Originally Posted by Cannelle
    You know, you're under NO obligation to participate in any sexual activities where you don't feel valued and appreciated. It's like going to the restaurant and every time you place an order the result is always the same bad food ...why eat it it you don't like it? Why continue having sex if it's bad with no effort from his part? You could just stop doing it for a while. Until you guys come up with a solution. Until he makes the effort in looking for solutions.
    At least stop doing something that clearly is not fun for you anymore.
    Honestly, Iím afraid if I stop sleeping with him completely, heíll go find it somewhere else...

  3. #13
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    I understand but you should know that when people cheat, they do it regardless if the sex is great or not at home. They would cheat anyway.
    The point is to stop doing things you don't like out of fear. Fear or losing someone, fear of conflicts etc.
    Think about what YOU want in your life first. Horor your self. Believe me, he will respect you more if you stand up for yourself.
    Start to believe in yourself. Believe you deserve happiness. Pray if it's your thing or meditate or do some social or physical activities , anything that will increase your self confidence. Little by little you'll get stronger. Your life will change when you change.

  4. #14
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    I meant " honor yourself"

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  6. #15
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    If he's gonna stray just like that, he would stray regardless. Life is too short for crappy sex.

  7. #16
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Edit*
    Oops, didnít read through to end of comments and former comment no longer relevant

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Have you ever just asked him straight out what the problem is?

  9. #18
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    You know, what's going on in your sexlife is a reflection of what's going on in general with your husband. Do you feel it difficult to express your needs with him? Do you feel loved? Respected? Do you often suppress your opinion in order to avoid conflict?

    Maybe you could connect all your posts into one. Maybe your daughter can feel the tension between you two or the unhappiness and she expresses her feelings the best she can...
    Right now I think, you feel overwhelmed by all this but if you start by taking care of your self, you will find clarity to fix the other areas of your life.
    Engage in an activity you are passionnate about. See your friends more often. It will give you strenght. Say no to bad sex. Say no to any situation where you don' t feel valued. Start asserting yourself in life in general. You will be rewarded.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Have you ever just asked him straight out what the problem is?
    He claims that itís because of the kids. We donít have a lot of time to do things. We occasionally send the kids for an overnight to their grandparentsí and have a ďdate nightĒ but even then, things donít really change. The only time he kissed me during sex was at the beginning of our sexual relationship. That was also the only time he performed favors without being asked to do so.

    He is touchy-feely with me at home, not in front of the kids, but grabs my butt, stuff like that. He kisses me every day. But we donít ďsnuggleĒ while watching a movie, and he rarely tells me he loves me. We donít sleep in the same bed a lot of the time because he has sleep apnea (well, not diagnosed, but thatís what I believe) and snores so loudly I end up in the guest room.

    I thought we got along pretty well but after posting on here about other issues I donít think thatís the case. We donít see eye to eye on disciplining our kids and itís become a huge issue. We donít really argue and yell about it but itís a pretty constant source of tension. We talk a lot about it but nothing has been resolved.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    And things were a little hotter early in our relationship, but even then just ďokĒ compared to my other relationships. Maybe he isnít attracted to me
    - Since he was like this in the beginning, this is the way he is. Only if there was a radical change would I say he's not attracted to you.

    You'll have to decide if his low sex drive is something you want to live with. It would probably be best to determine this sort of thing in the first couple years before marriage.

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