Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 8 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 71

Thread: Worried about my 5 yr old girl

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    37
    Gender
    Female

    Worried about my 5 yr old girl

    I have 2 daughters, ages 7.5 and 5.5. My younger girl can be very sweet and loving, but when she gets angry her temper is horrific. She is destructive and I often have to physically restrain her, which usually just makes her more upset, but if I donít do that she wreaks havoc throughout my home. A multitude of things can set her off - being told itís bedtime, a squabble with her sister, losing a favorite toy. At school she is obedient, pleasant and is comprehending everything she should. But at home itís an ongoing battle. Iím not sure if sheís just extremely stubborn or what. She has put holes in the walls of her room by pushing the door against the wall, causing the doorknob to go right through the drywall. She has ripped up pictures sheíd just spent 20 minutes carefully coloring. The pediatrician said itís normal but Iím very worried. Sheís so young and so slight as well - she might be 40 pounds soaking wet but she has the strength of an adult when sheís angry. I donít want to make this too long so Iíll add more details upon request. Any input is appreciated. Thanks!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,880
    She should be evaluated by a therapist...seriously. That goes well beyond what is considered normal.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,887
    Gender
    Female
    I'd get a second opinion, even a third, if you're so concerned. Seems to be something in the home that's triggering her or making her feel unstable/unsafe. Is her dad in the picture? What does he think?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,989
    Gender
    Female
    Well, I wouldn't go as far as disagreeing with her doctor and say it's not normal, after all, he has the training however; if you're that worried about her, BQ, then why not get yourself and her (and her father if he is in the picture) into family counseling. I think that 9 times out of 10 when you have a child that only acts up when with the parents, then it means that the parents aren't consistent in the discipline end of things.

    Can I ask what you do (besides restrain her) when you can see that she's gonna blow? What can set her off? What form of discipline do you use when she acts up?

    Have you tried positive reinforcement such as making a plan with her that you will take her for (insert favorite thing or activity here) if she complies with you regarding bedtime (as an example) without fuss for one week. You can reinforce her good behaviour by putting a gold star on the calendar for every day she behaves nicely.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,880
    It sounds as though she does not know how to deal with her own emotions. Anger issues, most definitely. But there could possibly be more.
    Your username is bipolarqueen, I am assuming you have bipolar. It can be genetic and she could be showing symptoms as early as 5.

    It could also be an assortment of other issues, potentially autism, aspergers, to name a few but there are many.

    We cannot give any kind of medical advice, but only advise and give our own opinions. If this were my child, I would have her evaluated as these anger issues could be a deeper issue.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,989
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    It sounds as though she does not know how to deal with her own emotions. Anger issues, most definitely. But there could possibly be more.
    Your username is bipolarqueen, I am assuming you have bipolar. It can be genetic and she could be showing symptoms as early as 5.

    It could also be an assortment of other issues, potentially autism, aspergers, to name a few but there are many.

    We cannot give any kind of medical advice, but only advise and give our own opinions. If this were my child, I would have her evaluated as these anger issues could be a deeper issue.
    If it were any of those things it is likely that she would be behaving the same way at school but she isn't so its not likely the problem.

  8. #7

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    37
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well, I wouldn't go as far as disagreeing with her doctor and say it's not normal, after all, he has the training however; if you're that worried about her, BQ, then why not get yourself and her (and her father if he is in the picture) into family counseling. I think that 9 times out of 10 when you have a child that only acts up when with the parents, then it means that the parents aren't consistent in the discipline end of things.

    Can I ask what you do (besides restrain her) when you can see that she's gonna blow? What can set her off? What form of discipline do you use when she acts up?
    Thanks everyone, for the replies thus far. Dad is absolutely in the picture, we are happily married. However we have not always seen eye to eye on discipline. I feel I am often the ďbad momĒ who doles out punishments, and heís been the fun dad. I do most of the dirty work. He has gotten more involved lately though, because her behavior is off the charts. When she acts this way, I usually take her to her room and tell her itís an opportunity to calm down and breathe, and that I will be happy to talk with her when she is ready to talk. But that doesnít work. She has destroyed her room before. Sheís ripped framed photos off the wall and stomped on them, and she also took the plug out of her piggy bank and dumped coins all over the floor. We donít generally hit the kids, but I will admit to having swatted her on the rear a few times. I know it doesnít work. I just feel powerless to stop the behavior and I also get angry because I myself have a mood disorder, and no matter how well managed it is I still have my limits. There is nothing happening at home that is traumatic that could possibly explain this. She is also very much against participating in organized activities and most sports (besides gymnastics which she is brilliant at) and prefers to play on her own most of the time. Iíve actually wondered if she could be on the autism spectrum.

  9. #8

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    37
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by bipolarqueen
    Thanks everyone, for the replies thus far. Dad is absolutely in the picture, we are happily married. However we have not always seen eye to eye on discipline. I feel I am often the ďbad momĒ who doles out punishments, and heís been the fun dad. I do most of the dirty work. He has gotten more involved lately though, because her behavior is off the charts. When she acts this way, I usually take her to her room and tell her itís an opportunity to calm down and breathe, and that I will be happy to talk with her when she is ready to talk. But that doesnít work. She has destroyed her room before. Sheís ripped framed photos off the wall and stomped on them, and she also took the plug out of her piggy bank and dumped coins all over the floor. We donít generally hit the kids, but I will admit to having swatted her on the rear a few times. I know it doesnít work. I just feel powerless to stop the behavior and I also get angry because I myself have a mood disorder, and no matter how well managed it is I still have my limits. There is nothing happening at home that is traumatic that could possibly explain this. She is also very much against participating in organized activities and most sports (besides gymnastics which she is brilliant at) and prefers to play on her own most of the time. Iíve actually wondered if she could be on the autism spectrum.
    I forgot to add - I will generally revoke privileges or take away a favorite toy, or her iPad, which she already barely has access to. No TV, no movie night on Friday night, just go to bed, if she whines about dinner I say too bad, eat it anyway, instead of making her something she actually likes. None of these things seem to have a lasting effect and change the behavior.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    37
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well, I wouldn't go as far as disagreeing with her doctor and say it's not normal, after all, he has the training however; if you're that worried about her, BQ, then why not get yourself and her (and her father if he is in the picture) into family counseling. I think that 9 times out of 10 when you have a child that only acts up when with the parents, then it means that the parents aren't consistent in the discipline end of things.

    Can I ask what you do (besides restrain her) when you can see that she's gonna blow? What can set her off? What form of discipline do you use when she acts up?

    Have you tried positive reinforcement such as making a plan with her that you will take her for (insert favorite thing or activity here) if she complies with you regarding bedtime (as an example) without fuss for one week. You can reinforce her good behaviour by putting a gold star on the calendar for every day she behaves nicely.
    Iím sorry, I just saw your comment about the positive reinforcement. We have tried the chart with stickers. We have tried rewarding her with a small toy or treat when she gets through a day without a massive blowout tantrum. But the tantrums continue. ☹️

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,989
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by bipolarqueen
    Thanks everyone, for the replies thus far. Dad is absolutely in the picture, we are happily married. However we have not always seen eye to eye on discipline. I feel I am often the ďbad momĒ who doles out punishments, and heís been the fun dad. I do most of the dirty work. He has gotten more involved lately though, because her behavior is off the charts. When she acts this way, I usually take her to her room and tell her itís an opportunity to calm down and breathe, and that I will be happy to talk with her when she is ready to talk. But that doesnít work. She has destroyed her room before. Sheís ripped framed photos off the wall and stomped on them, and she also took the plug out of her piggy bank and dumped coins all over the floor. We donít generally hit the kids, but I will admit to having swatted her on the rear a few times. I know it doesnít work. I just feel powerless to stop the behavior and I also get angry because I myself have a mood disorder, and no matter how well managed it is I still have my limits. There is nothing happening at home that is traumatic that could possibly explain this. She is also very much against participating in organized activities and most sports (besides gymnastics which she is brilliant at) and prefers to play on her own most of the time. Iíve actually wondered if she could be on the autism spectrum.
    She wouldn't be good at school and then turn autistic when she's home. She would be behaving the same way everywhere when she doesn't get her own way.
    I will tell you that not having both parent consistent with discipline and consistent in administering it will allow her to think that her behaviour while at home is acceptable.

    Here is a strategy that I was given by a trained psychologist to help up with my daughters occasional tantrums when she was 3 or so. He told us to put her in her room and tell her that she could come out when she was calm and that she should be still and quiet and listen for the bell to ring that will indicate that she can come out. Then set an egg timer outside her bedroom and shut the door. We only had to do that twice and after that if she was sent to her room for any reason, she went in calmly and was out of there in three minutes or less (we were told to only set it for as many minutes as her age so 3 min since she was 3) If after 3 mins she wasn't calmed down, to go in and talk to her about the rule again and reset the timer. Do not go in before the timer goes off even if she is trashing her room. You can get her to help you clean it up after.

    You and your husband have to have a plan that neither of you will deviate from (whether the one I've mentioned or one of your own ). When she knows you mean biz, she will thank you for having boundaries with her because I'm sure she's not happy being upset like she gets.

Page 1 of 8 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •