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Thread: Worried about my 5 yr old girl

  1. #21

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Take her in but don't rule out you and your husband taking her to a child psychologist that will give the two of you lessons on how to handle a kid that is like your daughter. Believe me, my daughter at three/four was an angel at school but when she didn't get her own way at home, OMG. After my hubby stopped undermining how I handled her and actually did the same things as me when she acted up, she was, in no time an angel at home too. She is a wonderful adult now with a family of her own.

    My four year old daughter once started to have a melt down because I wouldn't give her chocolate before lunch. I told her "that doesn't work on me" She said, with a teary voice "why, it works on Daddy"... LOL
    Oh my... lol!!!! Ok. I need to present an absolutely united front with my husband. Thanks!!!

  2. #22
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    You have to find out whether it’s a tantrum or a meltdown. If it’s a tantrum it could be because there’s not a united front at home. As I said meltdowns are completely different.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I love your Avatar. BQ lol

  4. #24
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    You have a lovely normal child who is testing the boundaries because she knows what she can get away with if she tries!
    She’s quite smart in other words!

    I agree with thatwasthen!

    This definitely sounds like parents being inconsistent. And not on the same page.
    With your first born it was easier because from the age of 2-3 an important time in discipline , your second born was a baby.

    I personally would not be rewarding her simply because she doesn’t have a tantrum in a day.
    That’s rewarding her for normal behaviour. And does you older child get that? I’m assuming no. Your younger one also knows that!! As does your older!

    Reward her for good behaviour not normal behaviour.

    You really need to get your husband on board with this!!! ASAP!
    My brother is now realising the discipline differences between him and his wife with their 16 year old , he is the disciplinarian, his wife is the one that succumbs.
    And tantrums at 16 yrs old are a complete different story! It’s escalated to almost unmanageable.

    Show your husband this thread and hopefully he will realise the seriousness of it all!

    Good luck!!

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get a second opinion and/or take her to a pediatric neurologist for further studies and psychologist. You're not coping and that is exacerbating her behavioral issues in a way that just escalates. It's not fair to your other child to allow this to continue and think it's normal to be this destructive, without looking into things a least. Also make sure your condition is well managed.
    Originally Posted by bipolarqueen
    The pediatrician said it’s normal but I’m very worried.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Get a second opinion and/or take her to a pediatric neurologist for further studies and psychologist. You're not coping and that is exacerbating her behavioral issues in a way that just escalates. It's not fair to your other child to allow this to continue and think it's normal to be this destructive, without looking into things a least. Also make sure your condition is well managed.
    This is not a neurological condition. This is a normal child throwing tantrums. She is an angel when in a setting of normal rules and normal discipline. School!
    Home is mayhem because the rules bend.

    The mother here is a good mother!!! Why would you suggest she is not? She has a loving marriage and a controlled illness.

    It’s unbelievable that you would suggest otherwise!?

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Leah33
    I'm not sure punishing a child when they have a tantrum is effective. "Supernanny" has shown success with it but who really knows if that's just for show.
    Supernanny doesn't physically punish but does time outs from what I've seen -love her techniques and highly recommend it. To me time outs and removing privileges are not "punishment" but natural consequences -a person out of control needs to take space and be away from others sometimes for example and letting a flailing child be near an expensive device also doesn't make much sense.

    OP -you seem like a really caring, compassionate and thoughtful person and parent. I have a ten year old son and have been there with the tantrums and the perfectionist tendencies (i.e. this isn't perfect so I'll rip up my origami creation, etc).

    Not a physician and totally agree with an evaluation, second opinion, third. Also she might be more sensitive to negative energy/stresses at home so I'd look into that. Also how do you deal with stress and frustration and do you share with her how you do -I mean in the moment. I will tell my son "you know I feel like raising my voice right now because I am frustrated with your behavior so I'm going to go in the other room -not ignoring you, just need some space."

    I also recommend the books, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen (the original version not the new one which I know nothing about), Dr. Brazlton's books, Janet Lansbury's blog and articles, the new book "How Not to Lose your S___t with your Kids" and old episodes of Supernanny.

    I wish you the best. My father was bipolar (he passed away) -I am not and I'm familiar with the genetic component and relate to your concerns. You are doing such an awesome job trying to get to the bottom of this.

  9. #28
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    To Billies point - I reinforce expected behavior by noticing but not gushing. Like a matter of fact “thanks for being patient while I was on the phone” (said no mother ever, just a hypothetical)- but I positively reinforce going the extra mile and very specifically - the “noticing “ is very specific. I try never to say “good boy”. “I saw that when you were frustrated you decided to watch tv for a few minutes to calm down”. So your daughter shouldn’t be rewarded for not tantruming and also keep in mind negative attention to tantrums is still attention she likely craves- but you can “notice “ the specific ways she acts in an appropriate way.

    Also lots of kids hold it together at school and let it all out at home to their parents because it feels safer to do so.

  10. #29
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    I will agree most kids save the worst behaviour for home . Developmental conditions are expressed over all environments. Kids do test the waters especially if they know they can and mom and dad are not united and it was beneficial in the past. I would try consistency first and see if things change. It will be hard I am not kidding but it needs to be nipped right now.

    If nothing changes I would try the psychological route. I found paediatricians to be useless about that ,for other than physical ailments. My son was misdiagnosed for years by paediatricians and given medications for conditions he never had. It wasn’t until he was 17 that he was correctly diagnosed.

  11. #30
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    You might also look into a developmental pediatrician.

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