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bipolarqueen

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I’m 40 years old. My mother is 58. We have always been very close. However, throughout our relationship, since I reached adulthood, there have been many instances where she will stop speaking to me, and I’ll have no idea why until I hear it from my stepfather. Some memorable times this happened include her finding out she would not be in the delivery room when I gave birth to my first child (2 weeks of silence), her “feeling” that I was having an affair (I wasn’t - another 2 weeks of not talking) and now, I’m dealing with her silence because she told me she no longer wants to hear me “b**ch” to her about my daughters (7 and 5 years old). She claims I don’t take her advice about how to stop their poor behavior (which is fairly normal girl behavior), and I continue to “spoil” them despite the behavior (untrue). We saw them for Thanksgiving and my older daughter had a moment with my husband, so he removed her from the immediate area of relatives and dealt with her accordingly. Yesterday, I sent a text to her and mentioned that I was bringing the girls to an indoor water park for a couple of nights, and that’s when she told me she was “done listening anymore” to me “whine” about the girls and that she couldn’t believe I was taking them for a fun weekend after “the way my daughter behaved” at her house. I was shocked, and all I could manage to say was that I couldn’t cancel the reservations because I’d lose hundreds of dollars, not to mention my husband had dealt with her properly when the incident occurred (she had no idea because she was busy preparing the meal). Then I thought about it and replied again, throwing in that I found her text hurtful, that she’d be forbidding me to vent to her about her grandkids, and that she should be more worried about the fact that my 27 year old half brother is currently living in her basement, working a menial job, and spending his free time gaming and sleeping. I wasn’t trying to be mean, but I was pi$$ed. Her text came out of nowhere, and her claim that I never take her advice wasn’t even accurate! She replied that I “love to throw” my brother’s situation in her face (I’ve never done so, not once, even though I personally believe he should find another place to live), and that me venting about my kids “negatively impacts” her and causes extreme stress. Notice my username - I am bipolar and have been diagnosed as such for nearly 20 years. My mom has dealt with my ups and downs, nasty medication side effects, my poor decisions to stop my pills because I felt “better”, and a suicide attempt. (This was all years ago, and I have been stable for many years and able to function as a good mom and wife.) So I basically probably put her through hell for years, making her worry, and now that I have kids and they act like buttheads sometimes she decides she “can’t deal”. I’m so hurt and upset that she has no more interest in being there for me to vent to. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? She won’t return my calls or texts, and every time I hear her voicemail I get angrier. I wish she would just deal with me like a fellow adult instead of hiding behind her feelings. Any input or advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

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