What is love?

[dcris]

I want to preface this by saying that this post may be a bit all over the place. I just got off what I believe to be the last phone call with my now ex girlfriend. I'm 55, she's 50.

I don't seem to know what love really is anymore. I thought I was in love with a girl I was dating for 5 months, but I felt awkward saying it. We seemed to have great chemistry, mutually attracted to each other...

We both came scarred from past marriages, so I attribute a lot of my issues to that. She definitely has self esteem issues, which I have as well, but not as much as I used to.

She recently mentioned that she was in love with me, and it seemed like saying "I love you too" was just the easy thing to say back, then it turned into an awkward pause. Then I tried to explain myself and it all got effed up from there.

Things went downhill from there.

I really want to see a counselor, but I really don't think I can afford the additional expense right now. So here I am.

[Carus]

‘Love’ is what you feel in the moment...It comes and goes throughout our life...

Although I guess parents who love their children, well that is unconditional and a love that never dies*

The connections we feel with various romantic partners varys depending on what that person triggers deep inside our core..

My 2 satoshis anyway :)

[Skeptic76]

There’s a decision component to it, no? It’s one thing to feel the infatuation and the chemistry, and another to commit to nurturing those feelings for the long haul.

[SherrySher]

So, she basically broke up with you over you saying "I love you"?

[dcris]

So, she basically broke up with you over you saying "I love you"?

I guess it does sound like that, but when she expressed feelings for me, and while I could have easily said "I love you too", the overthinking me thought how blah, or patronizing, if that's the right word, sounded. The awkward pause hoping to think of something better to say, made it worse.

[SarahLancaster]

If she were truly 'in love with' you, your hesitation wouldn't make her break up with you. It would lead to a discussion.

After 5 months, if you're not sure whether the person you're dating (I'm assuming exclusively?) has the potential for the future, why waste your time?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Dating 20 weeks is a time you may want to clarify things about being exclusive, sexuality, expectations, etc. This is not about pondering the meaning of words, it's about how you feel about her and if you do or do not want to continue. Don't hurt people because "you are scarred". That is just passing the buck.

dating for 5 months.

[~Seraphim ~]

Love is always sacrifice at its base.

[dcris]

If she were truly 'in love with' you, your hesitation wouldn't make her break up with you. It would lead to a discussion.

After 5 months, if you're not sure whether the person you're dating (I'm assuming exclusively?) has the potential for the future, why waste your time?

We did attempt discussing it. I tried to explain that I'm not sure what it means to be in love anymore. I thought I was in the past and I'm twice divorced now.

And yes, exclusively.

[limichelle]

I’m sorry this happened OP.

To me I feel love is something that always works out. True love that is. Whether it be a parent or a child. A best friend or a lover.

To me the love that works out is forgiving, doesn’t make excuses and is straight forward. It’s self sacrificing in the way where not only would you protect the person at all costs. It’s sacrifice in a way where you allow yourself to be vulnerable that someone else has got your heart.

Love isn’t easy but it shouldn’t cause pain and suffering.