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Thread: Should I break up with him

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Food for thought:

    Throughout this thread thereís been a theme of: you either trust him, or you donít, which I agree with as basic math for healthy relationships. The other component, I think, is that we are really only capable of trusting another person as fully as we trust ourselves. I do wonder how much trust in yourself you have.

    No, thatís not implying that you doubt your own ability to be faithful over the next 6 weeks. Self-trust is more about resilience, trusting that you can handle the basic business of living, which is not always going to be a cakewalk. It means, in this context, trusting that you can survive a relationship ending so the relationship is not built around fear and keeping fear at bay.

    Iíd be destroyed if my girlfriend cheated on me, or if she decided to leave me under less toxic circumstances, but itís not a major concern, and hardly because I have eyes on her 24/7. Destroyed is not death. Iíd keep living. I know this from actual experience, but I knew that on some core level before the experience. I trust myself to be able to survive and thrive, with grace, so long as my lungs, brain, and heart are operative. That allows me to trust my girlfriend, in conjunction with her character, the person she shows me to be, in her own skin and alongside mine, every day. Iíd be bummed if she left town for 2 months, but if it was for something she knew would enrich her spirit Iíd be 10 times more thrilled for her than bummed.

    Life will deliver moments on the regular that test our self-trust, moments when we have a choice to stand a little taller or hunker down in a little emotional trench. This sounds like one such moment for you. You could use this time to build some self-trust, be it by exploring and corralling your anxious tendencies with a professional, or seeking out personal enrichment (activities with friends, hobbies, something work or school related) that strengthen your own coreóand, by extension, your capacity to trust. Wherever this relationship goes over the course of your life, those choices will go a long way toward shaping who you are and how you feel in the one relationship you know if foreveróthe one with yourself.

  2. #22
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    Just break up with him. I think you need intensive therapy.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Well, she's a teenager.

    I've seen teens do some "interesting" things. One time I took my kids to the local frozen yogurt shop. A young man worked there (looked about 17). His girlfriend sat in his truck the whole time we were in there (about an hour). It looked like she came to work with him and sat in his truck his entire shift. While we were there she got into line. I thought she got hungry for some yogurt. But no, she wanted to ask him why he'd talked to a particular female teenage customer "for so long". She apparently was jealous. I presume he put up with it because he was young. Or maybe he was getting sex for the first time. I sometimes wonder how long they stayed together. Interesting.

    Anyway, the OP hasn't come back. I wonder how things are going.

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