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Thread: How to cope with this guy I met online?

  1. #1
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    How to cope with this guy I met online?

    Hi,approximately 2 years ago a guy contacted me on a language exchange site telling me some interesting info about his native language. As the conversation kept going he asked, all of a sudden ,if I was gay. I said I was bi and he then quickly engaged into a sexual conversation,which was really weird cause it had no place in that particular context. I didn't reply but he gave me his skype id.

    About this guy:
    He is in his late twenties,bisexual and always flirts online ( he told me that); has no sexual experience because he lives in an oppressive country that does not accept sex out of marriage or homosexuals.


    As I was having my videocall with this guy,I was practicing his language but I noticed him masturbating. I pretended not to notice that.
    Later on that day he kept saying that he likes my personality,that I am different compared to the others he flirts with and that it is intriguing.

    He kept texting me weird stuff about marriage, kisses and sex,which i never addressed because they were too weird and it was really poor flirting.
    As he was saying beautiful things about me, I created a fake profile pretending to be a cute gay guy. I sent him a message. He replied with the same lame text and left his skype id.

    That time I felt I was an idiod to have had fallen for a guy who flirts online with everybody. Deep down I knew he is a very flirty person,but the words about me being special etc.kinda made me feel a sort of attachment.

    I stopped repliying for a year. He kept on sending me every month messages on skype that he misses me,all left unreplied.
    This year out of curiosity I decided to reply back and we exchanged our numbers.

    We kept on videocalling and he was really weird,sending me kisses, masturbating and all things of that nature. Sometimes we manage to talk about other things,but his main goal is flirting. I also tried to flirt and play that game,which got him more interested. He started texting me every day the same beautiful things about me. And i notice that he puts a lot of effort in writing those messages!

    He proposed me to meet up somewhere in a foreign country,because he'd like to ''be my man''.

    When I felt like replying to him and feeding his fantasies using his poor flirting texts,he was very talkative and available to answer some questions I had for him. When I did not feel like playing ''the role'' and switched the focus on other subjects he quickly started ignoring and ghosting me.


    NOW:
    I do not know what to think about this guy. I have always known that he is a flirty dude,but I feel stupid for feeling any sense of attachment just because of his words about me. They feel so real! and what about the whole year where he messaged me without me replying back?Maybe he really feels something for me?

    What do you guys think? Because this whole situation is really toxic,but very addictive.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Shut down your account at this "language exchange" site and don't reopen it. Block and delete this individual. If you need help going through your sense of attachment or like to read on attachment styles you can find some information at the surface level on the web just by googling it. You're easy prey for people like that and I think you would do better spending less time online. If you need friends, look around you locally and find local interests. Join a cheap class at a local community center and find a local group you can meet with in person in your neighbourhood. Keep things structured and about the language only aspect.

    Be a bit more aware and street smart. You're all over the place. Explore your bisexuality differently in a more open forum (not meaning an online forum either) - go ahead and find a local gay/bisexual community and be careful also of bad apples anywhere you go.

  3. #3
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    There are plenty of LBGTQ organizations that host events. Join a group or attend an event. Meet people in real life so that an online schemer you wlil never meet isn't the one you get "attached" to.

  4. #4
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    I think you should cut him off! You should have done it long ago. Complete waste of time.

    Do you have friends and a social life in your city?

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  6. #5
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    Guys,thank you soo much for the replies.
    I think this guy is a manipulator. Now scrolling back through old messages I noticed that as I tried my best to create a sort of connection,it was also ignored.He was a manipulator in a sense that I felt the need to show him part of my body during one of these calls ,because I did not want to lose him.Now I will explain,he was always nice and was ''adulating'' me because I think all he wants is internet sex. And when I rejected any of these requests,he started being vague and distant. The problem is with myself,since I have very low self esteem and I do not fancy many guys in the lgbtq community I have met. So,I always start feeling attracted to anyone who shows a bit of interest towards me.

    The issue with me is that I will look for other people to attach to. If it is not him,it will be another one. It has been like that all my life.

    Now,I do not live in a big city. I live in a quite small town,which is literally in the middle of nowhere.

    .
    Back to the guy, in the following days I will completely erase him from my online life. I think I will start slowly with detaching myself more and not letting myself get involved too much into his pointless conversations. The thing is,I like getting a lot of attention. I will have to find a way to ''fix'' these behaviours eventually.

  7. #6
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    Do you have friends and a social life?

    Have you ever sought counseling?

    Just delete and block him. What kind of fulfilling attention can you be getting, by some guy who flirts with random strangers and beats off. Make your life more full.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 11-29-2019 at 11:37 PM.

  8. #7
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    It is very clear that this guy is just looking for cyber sex, and possibly real sex if you'd be willing to meet him. He doesn't have real feelings for you - he doesn't even know you.

    You have become attached to frilly words and the feeling of be being desired, but OP, there is nothing desirable about this person. You don't know him; all you know is that he's a horny guy on the internet who is probably talking to several other guys at the same time, and having cyber sex with them too.

    I would strongly advise you to cut communication with this man, and work on yourself more. Your self-esteem issues are leaving you vulnerable to being manipulated and preyed on people with poor intentions.


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