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Hi lovely people,

 

Came here to look for positive stories about beating depression and advice on how to slowly get there. This forum always has helped me out a lot and writing my thoughts down is already helpful. Thank you for being here!

 

Four months ago I broke up with my bf. We turned out not to be compatible after all. After a fight which was, in my opinion, mostly his fault I wrote him a letter. He replied I was right and wanted to fix things, but ghosted me afterwards. I blocked him on everything a week later. Im still healing from this, bit by bit, but its going a bit better then before. I did care a lot about him and miss him. Were in the 3th month of no contact.

 

Last month I started dating a man. He put a lot of effort in seeing me, saw him about 3/4 times a week and it was fun! I enjoyed spending time with him, doing all these different activities. He even helped me move out. I had the feeling I could be myself with him, and did trust him. After a month we had sex, and some days later he cancelled our plans and told me he came to realize he needs to be with a muslim woman, and cant continue with me. Before he told me he was part atheïst and part muslim, but could be with me since he was not that in to his religion.

 

I decided to quit dating and start working on my own mental health. Of course a man I used to date knocked at my door and asked me to meet up with him. I turned him down, but later got another message to give him another chance after last time. He was sorry and wanted to show me he has changed. I always had a big weak spot for him and said yes, still being in doubt. We met up and it was actually really fun. But the day after he ignored my messages for at least 24 hours before replying (but reading them). Were not really talking much, maybe some sentences every three days. He asked me to meet up next week but I cant that day. The problem before was that we both were never clear on what we were together, after dating for a long period of time. I know he dated a lot of girls at the same moment and he told me how he loved being free to do what he wants. Pretty clear. Big learling point is to be clear about the intentions in the future.

I dont know what to do with this situation. He made me really insecure in the past, and I feel like Im in this emotional rollercoaster again. I think I need to stop contact for my own peace of mind, still the thoughts are running through my mind, saying things as "but what if youre just trippin and he really has changed?" Remind you, big weak spot for this man.

 

In my youth I experienced multiple traumatic events. My parents were physically and mentally abusive (mother tried to commit suicide several times, but failed, blaming it all on me when I was a child), rape, almost all of my past boyfriends cheated on me, even caught some during the act.

 

Ive been seeing a therapist since a year now. Things were really slowly getting better. I felt more empowered taking action to heal my depression.

Lately things havent been so good and Im feeling maybe even worse then ever. I dont have energy anymore, I cant handle social contact anymore atm (which Im always surrounded by, living with roommates and working with people). My mind is playing tricks on me and my thoughts have been very negative lately. Im so so tired, and tho Im trying to think positive, every time I get in touch with someone else I feel like a loser and become really awkward. I feel worthless, not good enough and alone. Never had this before like that. Its a bit too much now, I dont know how to get out.

Im seeing my therapist again next week, but I feel In really in need to share this on this forum. Thank you for reading this.

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Is there a small chance you're trying to fit yourself into some cookie cutter idea of something else? You sound frustrated overall when most of the items (save your mother) are rather regular and commonplace especially the dating in circles. We've all been there and felt like sh-t. I agree - continue getting the help you think you need until you don't need it anymore and boost your self-esteem in meaningful ways. Get back in touch with yourself and feel connected to your environment, your friends, family, community, your work even perhaps. Things will come together slowly.

 

Don't date for the sake of dating and let go of people who aren't that great to start with. Retrain your brain to think in better ways, more positive and hopeful. Make plans that make sense and are realistic for the future. Find your purpose in life. Hope you feel better soon.

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still the thoughts are running through my mind, saying things as "but what if youre just trippin and he really has changed?"

 

Did you asking how, exactly, he had changed, and whether he's willing to be in a committed relationship with you?

 

If not, you're both just spinning around he same 'stuff' that you had already clarified is not what you want.

 

I'd skip that nonsense.

 

I'd contact the therapist for an earlier session and tell her or him that you feel badly enough to consider it an emergency. Ask the therapist for an increase in your number of sessions during this time along with a referral to a psychiatric MD in order to get the right kind of workup and treatment. General practitioners are not specialists, and it's best to get someone who typically partners with your therapist in order for the MD to offer treatment options while your therapist monitors the effects of the treatment.

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Hi Joyce,

 

I’m glad you are asking here and looking for solutions.

 

Just want to drop a note about antidepressants. Whilst they do serve their purpose they are extremely strong drugs and should be avoided if you can help it.

 

I am a certified psychotherapist and counselor. Many times I had people come to my clinic saying “I’ve been on antiDs for 3 years+ and I’m still depressed!” ...so what does that tell you?

 

AntiDs should only be used if you are completely unable to function and should only be used short term. Unfortunately many MDs these days just default to antiDs and throw people on them without also recommending further, deeper work like counseling or therapy. So people end up on them for years....

 

The problem is that after a time your brain will just adjust to them, make its way around them and the underlying causes will return.

 

Depression is an insidious dis-ease. It takes years to take hold and so can take years to unwind.

 

Also, if you are grieving any losses or traumas, grief is not depression and there aren’t any ‘antiGrief pills’....unfortunately.

 

A couple of quick things I can suggest on this forum are:

 

- Sleep patterns and Diet

- Walks or hiking in nature

- Connect with nature

- Turn off the news and tv

- Meditation

- Volunteering

- Thought stopping and taking control of your thoughts

 

It takes time and work so be patient but diligent....

 

And remember, the goal is not to be bouncy, happyhappy joyjoy 100% of the time every single day. They’ll lock you up for that too lol

 

Being human is to feel the entire range of emotions but to reach a peaceful equilibrium*

 

Hope this helps.

 

Carus*

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People who have a family history of suicide attempts and recalcitrant depression do need a workup for metabolic, neurological and psychiatric disorders to get an accurate diagnosis and develop an effective treatment plan.. Only one-on-one evaluations by an appropriate licensed professional should be making determinations about diagnosis and treatments.

 

Joyce, please see a real doctor in person. Don't play with your health or life. While healthy lifestyle changes and supportive talk therapy are always a good idea, you can't "think away" neurochemical problems.

I am a certified psychotherapist and counselor. Many times I had people come to my clinic saying “I’ve been on antiDs for 3 years+ and I’m still depressed!” ...so what does that tell you?

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Joyce, I've struggled with depression (not medicated) before, so hopefully my recommendations will help you. Bare in mind that there are several types of depression and treatments can be different for each. So your best bet, as others have suggested, is to seek a suitable professional.

 

The following recommendations do not replace professional advise or treatment:

 

- Do stuff that you enjoy and is beneficial to you. Even if it's only for 10 minutes or less. For example, I would read a book for as long as I could manage. Then, later on or the next day, I'd read some more. That worked for me. Plus, a purpose (such as reading a book I enjoy) gave me a reason to keep doing stuff. Well, doing stuff felt so good! Eventually I'd go to the library, which meant having to shower, get dressed and face people. But it also meant, borrowing lovely reading material and looking forward to reading those books. The joy of finishing each book and having achieved something: priceless!

- Connecting with good friends and someone trustworthy helped me tremendously and it was also nice to have someone to talk to.

- Don't fret about tomorrow. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

 

You may feel like a loser and worthless. But, quite frankly, I see a courageous woman who had the guts to ask for help and share what she is going through to a bunch of strangers.

 

You can get through this!

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