Boyfriend didn't officially break up but

I knew something was amiss. He quit saying I love you, quit initiating sex, when I was at his house he'd sit opposite the room instead of on the couch with me holding my hand. At first I didn't panic thought maybe it was a phase but it's gotten worse. He messages me everyday still mainly hi, how's work but the conversation is short. Never wants to meet up. So I asked him what is wrong....I'm feeling less lived...less cared for. His answer was it's not always about you. He still texted me everyday and I quit answering him. His last text was I'm sorry your upset. That was yesterday. Today I noticed he unfriended me on social media. We paniced. Asked him what was wrong. No response. I asked him why he couldn't talk to me like a grown up...no response. I tried calling him. The message I left was I'm not going to contact you anymore until you're ready to talk. I don't know what happened. Maybe the relationship wasn't what he wanted. I felt like you was putting me in the friend zone and really don't want to be in the friend zone.

I'm still under his spell. IDK. Going crazy

How old are you?

How old are you?

I think it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to be together anymore.

I am sorry, OP. Breakups are tough. It's a shame he is being such a coward about things.

I think it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to be together anymore.

 

I am sorry, OP. Breakups are tough. It's a shame he is being such a coward about things.

During the last 2 days, I was questioning myself if this is the kind of relationship I wanted. He didn't want to do anything I wanted to do. Didn't seem interested in really being a part of my life. He said he was but his actions weren't showing it. I felt like I was starting to either get friend zoned or he was going to string me along...keep me as an option which is a total turn off for me........ But still I'm mourning what could have been, should have been. Going to miss those conversations we had everyday. We had fun. When I go through his part of town to get to work I feel weird not dropping by to see him. Sigh.

Also, I'd like closure which I probably won't get. I'd like to know how I went from I live you....your the girl I've always wanted to you're not all that....idk

By the way you talk and by the unfriending you , I had assumed you were about 12 or 13 years old!

And now realising you are pushing 50, I wonder why you are entertaining someone that is clearly not interested ?

And also why you can’t have a grown up discussion with him?

Why are you mourning what could have been? That could have been was clearly never with him and is in your future with another?

So you are basically mourning nothing. Please stop that!!!

He is not interested. He did make that clear by his behaviour. That is closure.

How long were you dating?

We were dating 8 months.

Sorry to hear that. It sounds like he lost interest but didn't have the courage to tell you that

We were dating 8 months.

So not long and within the honeymoon phase. It sounds like he knew there was incompatibility but didn’t know how to articulate that to you.

Doesn’t make him a bad guy , just an awkward one!

His actions strongly suggested what he was unable to put into words.

But yes , he has officially broken up with you.

That’s ok. It was a short lived thing and he has essentially ended it at an appropriate time.

Next 😀

I'm sorry OP sounds like he is gone and sadly he's taken the cowards way out. I would move on with your life now. Don't waste anymore time or energy on him.

I think he "broke up'" in a very coward and inappropriate way. After 8 months together, he owned you at least a conversation face to face where you get to understand his reasons. That's what any mature and respectful adult is supposed to do. He's not.

You must be very hurt and feel lost...

On the other side I'm sure you saw some red flags during those 8 months. You just couldn't identify them since you were in the honey moon phase. When the pain will lessen, you will be able to see that he was not the adequate person for you. Clearly a man acting that way is not relationship material.

Take care of yourself now.

So not long and within the honeymoon phase. It sounds like he knew there was incompatibility but didn’t know how to articulate that to you.

Doesn’t make him a bad guy , just an awkward one!

 

Next 😀

I so totally disagree with this statement. This is a grown man. Couldn't figure out how even to text the words "I want to break up" and just ghosted her but he is really just an awkward guy? Sorry, not 14-years-old. Awkward, and believe me, most of my friends are, does not excuse being lazy and cowardly. Fading out is bad behavior and he should have just broken up earlier.

It's surprising how many people do this.

They don't want to be the bad guy or they're afraid you'll cry and get dramatic. So they act like this guy, hoping you take the hint and disappear.

Really, no big loss. You can't have a love relationship with potential.

What were the issues in the situation? Why did you play games toward the end? Either way this is the 'slow fade' technique to get you to leave.

I am 45 years old.

How devastating for you. You must be going crazy not knowing. Well whatever is going on with him, let him have it, you deserve better than this for sure. I know you are looking for answers but we can't really know either. Usually what happens is, after a month or so, you will probably receive an apology email, with an explanation to what happened.

I'm so sorry he was so childish about this. Adults talk about problems & make definitive statements. He was a coward. Sounds like he was trying to piss you off so you dumped him so he didn't have to be the bad guy. As much as you might miss the good stuff & how lousy it is to be broken up at this time of year, in the long run he did you a favor because he was not a good partner.

Lick your wounds & prepare yourself to start the new year with a new outlook on love with a more suitable partner.

I'm so sorry he was so childish about this. Adults talk about problems & make definitive statements. He was a coward. Sounds like he was trying to piss you off so you dumped him so he didn't have to be the bad guy. As much as you might miss the good stuff & how lousy it is to be broken up at this time of year, in the long run he did you a favor because he was not a good partner.

 

Lick your wounds & prepare yourself to start the new year with a new outlook on love with a more suitable partner.

I love putting this kind of positive spin on walking away from mistreatment. I agree with the good folks who've raised that he was pushing you to drop him, but I disagree that it was because he didn't want to be (perceived as) the bad guy. He already became the bad guy with no concern for you feelings about that. He was just too lazy to make a clean and respectful break himself.

So that really tells you all you need to know. Closure about exact reasons is a myth and highly overrated. He already showed you where asking for information would get you--nothing, just a take-it-or-leave it statement of disregard.

Head high for choosing to leave it. You deserve better, and it makes no sense to play games with a gaslighter where 'better' has been rudely removed as an option.

It's probably not about you and he's too embarrassed to come out and talk about it. I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes people have to do whatever they have to do to take care of themselves without burdening others. Just take it for what it is and see the silver lining. Whatever troubles he's got, he's not dragging you down with him.

Enjoy your life and go out and be with friends and family. Take a time out and a breather from dating if you need to.

By the way you talk and by the unfriending you , I had assumed you were about 12 or 13 years old!

You don't need to be insulting someone's writing style if you're trying to help them.

So you are basically mourning nothing. Please stop that!!!

What gives you the right to invalidate someone's feelings and tell them their mourning is not real or that it's nothing? 8 months is a long time. That and what could have been, is definitely something to mourn about.

Thanks everyone...the unfriend thing felt like s slap in the face. Silly but it is what it is. I decided to go no contact.....didn't think I'd hear from him on a long time but dang he texted me again saying hi. I said hey. He said he was watching a video with a woman who looked like me in it. I clicked on it and I said which one there are several. Now it's been crickets for 2 hours. He saw my which one text...arrrggggggg!!!

Anyway this feels like something only a narcissist would do. Make out like your the best thing since sliced bread then drop you like a hot potato at a time like the holidays where you're supposed to be happy.

Starting to get more and more turned off. Seems like I attractive there kind of people.

All he has to do is text you "hi" and you're ready, no eager, to start this back up again?

And you're "starting to get turned off"?

Why do you think this is all you deserve?

You deserve better.

Next time he messages, ignore it or block him completely. He's not worth it.

Starting to get more and more turned off.

You're just starting to get turned off?

Texas, please raise your bar--you will thank yourself later.

Ok, delete and block him and all his people from all your devices and social media and messaging apps. Why beat your head against a wall for a clown like this? Invest your time getting out more and getting on dating apps and start talking to and meeting other men to date.

I decided to go no contact.....Now it's been crickets for 2 hours.