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Thread: What should I do, if anything? I'm lost.

  1. #21
    Member Rugger937's Avatar
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    Thank you for the reply and the anecdote. This does sound similar to my situation but she's actually older than me by a little more than a year. I DO have a fulltime job and wouldn't consider myself at all to be hostile or antisocial. Her and I do have our rituals though; we'll get coffee, get food, check out different stores for workout clothing/shoes and just drive around and talk for hours. I do believe I love her as she was gone for six months and we only spoke a handful of times whilst she was gone yet I still thought about her. Nowadays I find myself thinking of her constantly and it's hurting me because I know I'll never be more than her "bestfriend who saved me from killing myself". I'm truly an for feeling this way about her but I can't control it. It's not that I'm simply trying to just sleep with her, but I want to be able to take her out on dates, and just do romantic stuff with her. Sure I find her physically attractive but her personality really gets me. Her dark and sarcastic sense of humor. The fact that she is so driven, caring and strong. I'm probably just a jealous narcissist.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rugger937
    I'll never forgive myself for not telling her how I still feel.
    I'd have to go back and reread everything, but how many times have you two been through this cycle?

    She has made it clear that she values your friendship and wants you in her life. . as a friend only. You agree and agree that her friendship is what you want and it's valuable to you too.

    But secretly it's not just what you want. You agree to the terms and go into hoping to change it. But the change never comes. The tension builds, the impasse happens and you split apart over your differences.

    Just to do it all over again and again.

    Here you are at the first step of the same dance, again. She reaches out for your friendship and you want to tell her you love her?

    At what point do you acknowledge that reality of this?
    I am not trying to be cruel. I just don't understand why you keep hurting yourself over this.

    It's a lesson you should have learned the first time. Now it's the fourth or fifth and you still have regrets for not telling her how you feel?
    She knows. Trust me.

    You either accept her friendship or recognize that it's not something you can handle. And that's o.k.

  3. #23
    Member Rugger937's Avatar
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    I suppose you're right. I should just confront her and tell her I can't just be friends with her anymore. I feel that's what should be done. I'm a paranoid and narcissist. This said, I still feel used. She could of had anyone (especially her father) help her move but she asked me because I'm the "easy" friend. I'm an idiot for not realizing she clearly knows how I still feel for her and she's using that to her advantage.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Rugger937
    I suppose you're right. I should just confront her and tell her I can't just be friends with her anymore. I feel that's what should be done. I'm a paranoid and narcissist. This said, I still feel used. She could of had anyone (especially her father) help her move but she asked me because I'm the "easy" friend. I'm an idiot for not realizing she clearly knows how I still feel for her and she's using that to her advantage.
    It doesn't have to be confrontational and dramatic.

    Low key and matter-of fact would be better.

    "I am sorry, but this friendship isn't working for me. You already know I have some feelings for you. You have told me before, you do not feel the same. I need to move on from this."

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  6. #25
    Member Rugger937's Avatar
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    I think I'm going to confront her either today or tomorrow. I'm tired of being someone she hangs out with only as a last resort because her other friends are busy or unavailable. As much as I'm love her and enjoy spending time with her it's killing me because I know I'll never be good enough for her. She'll always ask me questions like "would you ever nut in a girl?" or "would you ever have a threesome with two lesbians?" and talk about her sexual past and what not. I'm not simply trying to get into her pants.. I'm seeking a relationship I guess. Waking up next to someone, traveling together, etc... my attraction to her isn't just physical. Yes, she's a gorgeous woman in my eyes but she's more than that. Her dark, sarcastic sense of humor. The way she'll make rude remarks and then laugh and pretend she didn't say anything. The fact she's always busy, driven and keeps going. I'm not sure about a lot of things in life but I'm positive about my feelings for her and I'm tired of just being her "safe friend" and hearing her say how important I am to her but she always "If only God created a perfect person just for me" or how "no one would ever put up with me and my craziness".

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Rugger937
    I think I'm going to confront her
    This doesn't have to be a dramatic confrontation.

    Just talk to her.

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