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How is it possible?


Alix90

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Hi everyone :) this is my first time writing in a forum. I would like some opinions if possible.

My ex broke up with me a month ago, out of the blue for me, even tho he says he gave me signs but until the day before he was all hearts and I love you, then the day after BOOM, it’s better if we break up, through a text, without explanation for a month. Then we spoke on the phone few days ago and he was just angry and insulting me, saying things about me that I know are not true, and also told me he felt relieved after he broke up ( so yeah because breaking up was not enough he also had to say those things). I think i’m in the anger phase because I can really feel it, plus I haven’t been able to sleep for over a month now, and i am so tired every day, but I got back to my routine, eating well ( 6 meals a days) and gym.

 

I wanted to ask, how is that possible that he does not give a f***, he seems happier than ever, ( which is ok, i am happy for him if he is) and partying every week. But how can you go from loving someone to being like that, insulting your ex? And bloody showing it off to my face with thousands facebook stories and photos.

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I'm sorry this happened to you, but if you continue posting here hopefully the discussion will help.

 

By the way, how long was the relationship? What ages are you? Who initiated the phone contact?

 

Dumpers go through stages, too. They are usually moving on by the time they make the break, so their initial feeling is one of relief; the partying etc is part of that surge.

 

After a while they may calm down a bit, fading affect bias means they remember the good times you/they had, they might even get some nostalgic regret and be curious about you if you do no contact properly (which does NOT mean they come back).

 

I doubt your ex is anywhere near there yet. It sounds like he is in that relief-euphoria surge stage, but may be has some guilt about hurting you, and is trying to shed that by dumping on you, perhaps looking to pick a fight - so I hope you didn't give him one.

 

Why would he do that? To convince himself he made the right decision.

 

The social media - which you should not be looking at - block it.

 

Obviously having contact with him didn't end happily, so stick with no contact, and keep on with your routine and work on improving yourself.

 

Don't worry. You'll be fine.
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We have been together for 10 months, living together and also had plans, i also gave up something very important which was going to change my life, but that’s ok, i have done it because i felt like doing it for him, i don’t blame him.

 

Regarding social medias i have deleted everything so I don’t see him anymore. I am 28 and he called me but only because we had to sort some things out, bills and other things.

 

He really made me feel like a monster and described me as someone i am not! The first days it got into my head but not anymore.

 

I just don’t understand how can someone go from caring so much to being like that, like if i did something very bad to him!

 

I know he won’t come back and even if he would i could never trust such a person anymore.

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You were living together, and he dumped you by text?

 

The social media thing was very poor and churlish behavior.

 

And then he insulted you when he called to sort out some loose ends?

 

Instead of asking why, you should be thankful he revealed this side of his character now before you invested any more time in the relationship.

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Yeah I know, he acted like i broke up with him, and yeah fortunately he revealed himself! I just started to have this anger inside of me for few days because I have when people do such things to others ( i also read other posts).

Thank you for replying:)

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because we loved each other a lot from the beginning and we just decided to do that! For the other thing i can’t say it, don’t know if he’s on here he’ll understand and don’t want him to know i’m giving him all this time, but it would have been life changing, too late now tho!

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It's better to get to know someone well before deciding to live together and give up very important things.

 

Everyone feels they "love each other a lot" in the beginning. But that's infatuation, not love.

 

Rushing into things often doesn't end well. If you meet someone and believe you're truly in love, what would it matter if you just wait a year to make sure it's real?

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Just as I was reading your post it occurred to me that he is behaving like this (insulting, partying, acting so happy...) as a defense because he feels guilty for the breakup......like he can't face his guilt feelings so he is over-compensating....just a thought.....???

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