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Thread: Extreme depression due to horrible chain of events

  1. #1
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    Extreme depression due to horrible chain of events

    I have been through so much in my life.
    1. I am a victim of abuse and because of that I am unable to stand on my own two feet because whenever I see a powerful authority figure, I run away. I was slapped hard when I was little for all the little things I did and as a result, I don't have the mental capacity to defend myself and physically. I was slapped, beaten, threatned, verbally abused, locked into a room by my uncle, my mother and father - all because I didn't do what they asked to do. This might be what you call childish or naive but when you have been physically tormented, it affects you psychologically and apparently, being a guy, I am being told to suppress my feelings because I have to be the 'tough' guy.
    No course of justice and I am stuck here hahaha! All I can do is laugh away at the misery of life and then the distance crying starts...

    As a result of this amount of abuse, who now my parents have started to act all nicely to me, I don't really care anymore about what I want to be.

    As the years went by, I was bullied at school because kids thought I was gay because I was with my twin brother and we were looking out for each other. It's quite funny that I am as straight as you can be, but I have nothing against gays but in the 90s being gay was considered 'wrong' and it still is.

    Then I contracted thyphoid from an overseas trip - that was fun
    Then, I lost the sensation to the left side of my face and my hearing was almost lost
    Then I ran into a drunk pedestrian which I have to fork out funds to fund my jaw surgery and the insurance company wouldn't cover it. Don't ever hit a pedestrian.
    I sleep for 3 hours in most nights and have become ultra sensitive to everything and paranoia has set in because of this car accident and no way in hell am I going to take drugs because i know my root of my problems is the jaw.

    I then get a nasty surprise from simply asking if someone was single and had an order placed against me so I could never contact this person ever again - all because I asked if she was single, and shared a track I made.

    I know they say that nice guys finish last, but what's wrong with being nice? Now I am scared of even approaching anyone all because I might offend someone - is it because I am not some snobby white collar successful person that's of position of authority? Should I give up finding anyone?

  2. #2
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    Then I ran into a drunk pedestrian which I have to fork out funds to fund my jaw surgery and the insurance company wouldn't cover it. Don't ever hit a pedestrian.
    I sleep for 3 hours in most nights and have become ultra sensitive to everything and paranoia has set in because of this car accident and no way in hell am I going to take drugs because i know my root of my problems is the jaw.

    I then get a nasty surprise from simply asking if someone was single and had an order placed against me so I could never contact this person ever again - all because I asked if she was single, and shared a track I made.

    I know they say that nice guys finish last, but what's wrong with being nice? Now I am scared of even approaching anyone all because I might offend someone - is it because I am not some snobby white collar successful person that's of position of authority? Should I give up finding anyone?



    Okay -- firstly, own the fact that you have caused some of your bad luck (except the thyphoid)
    I am sorry that you feel you were abused. Many people who were spanked as a kid do not operate the way you do. You have recognized that you don't like authority figures.Recognizing it is the first step, own it and figure out how you can stop lumping any person with any authority together and deciding they are lesser people.

    it is no one else's fault that you hit a pedestrian but your own. The car insurance may have not covered you as much because you were at fault, but you might want to consult an attorney or someone who works with car insurance. And you should look into taking some pain meds if you are in pain so you can sleep. you don't earn points for not taking meds that can help you heal.

    As far as the young woman, its kinda creepy to hand a girl a mixtape and say "are you single?" but there must be more to it if she wanted a restraining order and you are not telling us. Don't ask anyone if they are single. Ask them out for coffee. they are free to accept or decline. But it has to be a natural extension of your good conversation, it can't be a cold call.

    You steer the ship of your life and you need to decide now to stop blaming everything

    Maybe this downtime you have can be used for self reflection and to get you on a different path.

    I know they say that nice guys finish last, but what's wrong with being nice? Now I am scared of even approaching anyone all because I might offend someone - is it because I am not some snobby white collar successful person that's of position of authority? Should I give up finding anyone?

    How are you a nice guy but slam people who have worked hard to become a manager or supervisor of some sort? That doesn't sound like a nice guy to me, you know? Berating another person and trying to pull them down does not make you better. No one is attracted to someone that always complains about other people.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you should seek out some therapy.

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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Then I ran into a drunk pedestrian which I have to fork out funds to fund my jaw surgery and the insurance company wouldn't cover it. Don't ever hit a pedestrian.
    I sleep for 3 hours in most nights and have become ultra sensitive to everything and paranoia has set in because of this car accident and no way in hell am I going to take drugs because i know my root of my problems is the jaw.

    I then get a nasty surprise from simply asking if someone was single and had an order placed against me so I could never contact this person ever again - all because I asked if she was single, and shared a track I made.

    I know they say that nice guys finish last, but what's wrong with being nice? Now I am scared of even approaching anyone all because I might offend someone - is it because I am not some snobby white collar successful person that's of position of authority? Should I give up finding anyone?



    Okay -- firstly, own the fact that you have caused some of your bad luck (except the thyphoid)
    I am sorry that you feel you were abused. Many people who were spanked as a kid do not operate the way you do. You have recognized that you don't like authority figures.Recognizing it is the first step, own it and figure out how you can stop lumping any person with any authority together and deciding they are lesser people.
    Not when you have been abused all the way through adulthood it doesn't. It just means that you are being oppressed to the nth degree so you can't defend yourself anymore because of the psychological torture.
    it is no one else's fault that you hit a pedestrian but your own. The car insurance may have not covered you as much because you were at fault, but you might want to consult an attorney or someone who works with car insurance. And you should look into taking some pain meds if you are in pain so you can sleep. you don't earn points for not taking meds that can help you heal.
    The guy came out of nowhere and I stayed at the scene and I was cleared of any wrong doing and had no charges pressed against me, so no, it's not my fault.
    As far as the young woman, its kinda creepy to hand a girl a mixtape and say "are you single?" but there must be more to it if she wanted a restraining order and you are not telling us. Don't ask anyone if they are single. Ask them out for coffee. they are free to accept or decline. But it has to be a natural extension of your good conversation, it can't be a cold call.

    You steer the ship of your life and you need to decide now to stop blaming everything
    Uhh...all I did was ask a question. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing inappropriate was exchanged. Had it been inappropriate pretty sure I would have been charged. What's wrong with asking if someone is single or not? Most guys do this, unless you want to be a sore loser or you want your partner to be cookie cutter to you that your parents find for you or you are part of an elitist group who thinks highly of themselves.

    Maybe this downtime you have can be used for self reflection and to get you on a different path.

    I know they say that nice guys finish last, but what's wrong with being nice? Now I am scared of even approaching anyone all because I might offend someone - is it because I am not some snobby white collar successful person that's of position of authority? Should I give up finding anyone?

    How are you a nice guy but slam people who have worked hard to become a manager or supervisor of some sort? That doesn't sound like a nice guy to me, you know? Berating another person and trying to pull them down does not make you better. No one is attracted to someone that always complains about other people.
    [/quote]
    I did not slam anyone. Learn to read. I said that because I wasn't a position of authority, somehow I'm not good enough.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Positions of authority are usually non-enviable, totally thankless and stressful. Have you considered therapy of some kind or is it not feasible with your situation? Not everyone has access to those services or that kind of help. Most people have had to overcome difficulty in their lives and knowing the other members and their backgrounds, I think you may be preaching to the choir here. You're not alone - most of us have been where you've been or in similar positions (angry, upset, alone, mentally/physically exhausted or even feeling worthless).

    Vent if you need to vent. If there's one thing you want to complete in your life, what would it be? Just curious (out of the blue question).

  7. #6
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lifeissuffer
    Not when you have been abused all the way through adulthood it doesn't. It just means that you are being oppressed to the nth degree so you can't defend yourself anymore because of the psychological torture.
    Ok, you were abused, you had a hard life, life is not fair, you were very unfortunate etc... But are you going to let yourself be defined by your misfortunes and adopt a "poor me" mentality for the rest of your life? Or are you going to take proactive steps to make changes to turn it around?

    Here is the cold hard truth. Life is hard for the vast majority of people. Life is not fair. And with your current mentality, you got zero chance.

    You think the abuse you went through broke you? Then go to therapy and fix yourself. That has got to be the first step instead of just seeking comfort and reassurance online, which is what this thread is.

    Uhh...all I did was ask a question. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing inappropriate was exchanged. Had it been inappropriate pretty sure I would have been charged. What's wrong with asking if someone is single or not? Most guys do this, unless you want to be a sore loser or you want your partner to be cookie cutter to you that your parents find for you or you are part of an elitist group who thinks highly of themselves.
    If this girl was so freaked out that she successfully got a restraining order against you, then clearly you did not just ask a question. Or if you did, you did it in a way that made her feel very uncomfortable. You have been very vague about the context, but if it indeed was a cold approach and you expressed undying love with a mix-tape or something, then yes, that is creepy. And yes, I know the memes. If you were tall, dark and handsome, or drove a Lamborghini, then she probably would have thought it was daring and confident. Life is not fair. Just accept it.

    I did not slam anyone. Learn to read. I said that because I wasn't a position of authority, somehow I'm not good enough.
    This is what you said...

    is it because I am not some snobby white collar successful person that's of position of authority? Should I give up finding anyone?
    The stench of resentment and jealousy can be smelt across the interwebz. Until you get rid of your current mentality, yes, you should give up on finding anyone. You are in no state to share your life with a partner. Set your own house in order first.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you need to get psychiatric treatment that you haven't sought out or isn't effective. The victims here are the pedestrian and the women you harassed. Stop thinking like a loser and do something to improve your circumstances.
    Originally Posted by lifeissuffer
    1. I am a victim
    I ran into a drunk pedestrian
    had an order placed against me so I could never contact this person ever again - all because I asked if she was single, and shared a track I made.

  9. #8
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately you need to get psychiatric treatment that you haven't sought out or isn't effective. The victims here are the pedestrian and the women you harassed. Stop thinking like a loser and do something to improve your circumstances.
    With respect, I think that's too far.

    We simply do not have enough information to make that judgement call. What we can agree upon is that the OP does have an unhealthy victim mentality, and that whatever he did with regards to the woman he asked out, it definitely upset her. If the pedestrian was drunk and no fault was found with the OP, then it probably was indeed not his fault.

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    Childhood abuse does indeed go on to cause many issues in adult life , you can't roll back the years , but you can decide here and now that you will do all you can to have a life regardless and get some help to shush the demons .

    One proactive thing you can do : you say your parents are acting nice to you now , possibly a guilty reaction , but why don't you have it out with them ? Or ask them if they will go to a family therapy session . Are you Uk ? It is hard to seek out therapy , people living on the breadline can't afford these things , so if you are UK I can tell you that Relate do family sesions , you will be on a waiting list but it will be either free or at least cheaper then mainstream . You can also go to your GP and ask for a referal to see someone on your own ....granted again you will wait , but ultimately you will be passed along to someone to start getting this out your head , into the open , then packed away in a way that can help you function .

    The bullying is horrible , my daughter was bullied and it was one of the worst times we have had , I could write a book on what they did to my little girl ...but it's over , and you have no choice but to get up , shake yourself down and move forward ......I am not suggesting it is that easy but you have to ask for help , that is the top and bottom of it all really ..if something in the past is poisoning your present , you have to get help to help yourself .

    By the sounds of it you really had no choice with the drunk man , if he just stepped out then you are not to blame . It seems that it is the money for your jaw , so you could if you wanted take him to a small claims court . If you don't want to , you just have to put it behind you . You are adding onto the list everything that has gone on in your life to make a very black picture , you need to change your thought pattern .

    for example ....I hit a drunk man but thank goodness he is ok .
    I was abused as a child but will not let that take away my future , I will seek therapy or even ask my parents to talk about this to try and put it away for good.
    I was bullied at school but I wont let them own my future , I will stand tall and make a decent life for myself regardless , it is an experience that has made me stronger and kinder to other people .

    As for the gay bullying when you are not , you are talking to some people here whose teenage years were in the 70's and 80's and believe me it was far far worse and I have seen name calling at school to people who were not over and over again , men and women ..it will never be right but it wasn't just you who got this .

    I don't sleep well ..I suffer several chronic pain issues , so you do what you can ...natural sleep remedies or something a bit stronger from your GP for a few days to give you a proper rest then look into natural rememdies . There are so many things , meditation , there are hundreds of things on you tube you can put on to go to sleep to , and also loads of tips ..use google ...just tap in * ways to help you sleep * ...it is far to vast for me to tap out here ..but there is loads of stuff .

    Now this girl and a track you made .......putting myself into her shoes ....if a bloke came over and gave me a track he had made ,I would be thinking he was handing out his tapes to get himself out there , get his music heard ......but then if he asked if I was single , me personally , I would think he was just trying his luck !! I would say no and walk off ...

    She was being a bit precious getting an order against you !!! I don't get that buddy at all ....she would have to have grounds in the court to get an order and what you have said is not grounds ...so please , tell us the full story and maybe we can help .

    I am not going to entertain the last bit because I am far too old to be getting involved in all the nice guys finish last stuff ....have a look round the forum you will find plenty of angry men who have made threads .

    All in all buddy .....you can have a life ..you will always have the demons ( most of us have ..remember that ....when you look at my face smiling know I fought to own that smile ) But it is going to take hard work and positivity from you . But you can do this .

    Best wishes .
    Last edited by pippy longstocking; 11-27-2019 at 07:32 AM.

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    You may have been a victim as a child , but you are not a child now , so you need to stop remaining as a victim in current day. What are you actively doing about that? Feeling sorry for yourself will only keep you in the past. You need to move on from it. And it sounds like you do need therapy to help you with that.

    As for getting typhoid, well thatís a consequence of travelling to a typhoid prevalent country without prior getting a vaccine against it. But arenít you luckier than many who never get to travel overseas?

    As for the drunk pedestrian, well we should all drive in a manner that anticipates the unpredictable. Of course accidents canít always be prevented , however what if instead of it being a drink pedestrian , it was a 3 year old child that ran out in front of you and subsequently died, would you be here complaining about your jaw?
    Again consider yourself lucky!

    And as for the girl you gave music to and asked was she single.
    Restraining orders can be requested by anyone but only granted if deemed a reasonable request.
    You might want to think more about how you were accountable for that one.

    As long as you continue to have this defeatist attitude , you will remain stuck.

    What are you going to do about it?

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