She drops me like a stone. Confusing behaviour...

Hi all

Me and my ex broke up 8 months ago. She started to lose interest and became very distant. No matter what I tried (and believe me I tried) things just didn't seem right. We eventually 'mutually' broke up after her suggesting we couldn't carry on the way we are so I very reluctantly agreed to stop as I couldn't see another way forward given I was trying my best to see her and works things out and it was going knowhere.

The last eight months have been very tough. After we broke up I tried to meet her and talk,,,she wouldn't, I bumped into her and she completely ignored me but afterwards messaged me saying she did see me but made an excuse as to why she couldn't say hi or even wave (feeling guilty I think.

We have been in contact over the months and it usually ends up woth her completely ignoring me until one of us initiates contact for whatever reason.

A couple of months ago, she lost her dog and given we spent a lot of time together and I got to know the dog and how much she meant to her I sent her a quick message sending my condolences. She seemed genuinely happy to hear from me and asked a lot of questions about me, what I'm upto, how I'm doing etc. We talked for a long time until..again..out of knowhere she ignored me whilst continuing to post happily on social media.

Fast forward a couple of months and I accidentally sent a message to her which was intended for someone else. To my surprise she replied and started conversation with me again. We somehow got on to the subject of us breaking up and she told me how she felt trapped in the relationship towards the end and very upset about the break up. It was almost an attack on me as to how I made her feel at the end of the relationship. I don't understand this as I was trying my best to keep things going, but hearing that from her upset me greatly as it's the last thing I ever wanted to do. I even told her I want her to be happy, with or without me. She talked about 'us' and I asked if she would consider meeting me to talk things over and maybe start to take things slowly. I admitted to still having feelings for her. She told me she's 'unsure' of meeting up and was confused about everything. She said we can still chat and she will 'know when she knows' about seeing me........

So fast forward a few weeks and she was still conversing and being a lot more open and chirpy woth me over text. Still however no mention of meeting up so I jokingly mentioned about meeting up for coffee. She completely turned and went cold and told me we'd already talked about it and proceeded to ignore me again. I was half expecting this and thought to myself at least I know where I stand and I can get on owth my life. I made no attempts to contact again.

I bumped into a mutual friend around the time of her bday and I mentioned in conversation to wish her a happy birthday from me. I didn't want to message her because she clearly didn't want to talk. To my surprise on her birthday night I received a message from her thanking me for the birthday wishes and again she asked how I was and seemed happy to chat. This went on for about two weeks until again she stopped. So I left her be again and carried on.

I went away for the weekend and put a few pics up on my social media and immediately after a week of her ignoring me she messages me asking me if I had a good weekend and what I'd going upto...coincidence?

So I replied but I was a bit stand off ish towards her as she'd ignored me for such a long time then all of a sudden come back. She carried on chatting over a few days and yep again she's stopped. She hasn't replied for a week now.

I'm a bit baffled as to why she's behaving like this?

It used to bother me but it doesn't anymore, I'm just curious as to why she behaves like this and I find it a bit rude in all honesty.

She also seems to 'show off' a lot on her social media. more so than ever wen she was with me.

I also got featured in a magazine for my work and two weeks later...she gets featured in TWO! This could be coincidence but it seems like she trying to 'better' me almost even though I'm trying not to compete.

Any thoughts on this and what I should do?

Thanks.

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? The continued contact, whether by mistake, intentionally, discussing the breakup, joking etc will not make her want to reconcile. It only hurts you in the long-run. You need to accept the breakup and stop crowding and chasing her. She "felt trapped" and now you are still trying to smother her, why?

Don't use those get your ex back sites or any site that recommends 'texing by mistake" "posting specific social media pics" or "joking about getting coffee" etc. You need to stop acting as if you're still in a relationship with her and can't figure out why she wants next to no contact.

You need to block and delete her from all messaging apps, all social media and simply leave her alone and move on. It's been 8 months. Don't be made a fool of or miss out on dating new women.

Hi all

Me and my ex broke up 8 months ago.

We somehow got on to the subject of us breaking up and she told me how she felt trapped in the relationship towards the end and very upset about the break up.

I jokingly mentioned about meeting up for coffee.

I went away for the weekend and put a few pics up on my social media and immediately after a week of her ignoring me she messages me asking me if I had a good weekend

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? The continued contact, whether by mistake, intentionally, discussing the breakup, joking etc will not make her want to reconcile. It only hurts you in the long-run. You need to accept the breakup and stop crowding and chasing her. She "felt trapped" and now you are still trying to smother her, why?

 

Don't use those get your ex back sites or any site that recommends 'texing by mistake" "posting specific social media pics" or "joking about getting coffee" etc. You need to stop acting as if you're still in a relationship with her and can't figure out why she wants next to no contact.

 

You need to block and delete her from all messaging apps, all social media and simply leave her alone and move on. It's been 8 months. Don't be made a fool of or miss out on dating new women.

Thanks for your help. We were together for a little over three years. I still don't know the reasons why she seemed to distance herself. I didn't think I was trying smother her, maybe it comes across like that, I'm certainly not texting her every other day and When I text her by mistake I genuinely did text her by mistake.

Emotionally I'm a lot better now than I was, I still have my moments where I miss her but not half as bad now. I don't intend to contact her again and will let her be.

The relationship ran it's course, but fondness for each other still remains. It's time to move on tho. Block delete her from your social media, your phone, etc.

She is interested in staying connected and keeping you on the hook as a source of validation... not in a relationship.

She is likely reaching out when she is feeling lonely or down on herself and wants to connect to boost herself back up... when she feels better she withdraws from you again and carries on with her life.

She sees you as a friend, OP, so she has no problem catching up with you now and then. It's not emotionally difficult for her, so she reaches out when she's bored or lonely or genuinely curious about what you're up to.

It's highly unlikely any of this will lead to a reconciliation. You would be wise to stop all communication with her for a good, long while and delete her off your social media. If you don't, you're one day going to get sucker-punched by seeing a photo or post of her with another guy. It's time to really accept that this is over so you can begin healing.

The relationship ran it's course, but fondness for each other still remains. It's time to move on tho. Block delete her from your social media, your phone, etc.

Thanks I'm still fond of her of course, We were together a long time. It's a shame she isn't interested in talking. I'm doing my best to move on

She is interested in staying connected and keeping you on the hook as a source of validation... not in a relationship.

 

She is likely reaching out when she is feeling lonely or down on herself and wants to connect to boost herself back up... when she feels better she withdraws from you again and carries on with her life.

Thankyou. That's disappointing if she's doing that. I do find it rude what she is doing but I guess I need to do the same now and completely ignore her

She sees you as a friend, OP, so she has no problem catching up with you now and then. It's not emotionally difficult for her, so she reaches out when she's bored or lonely or genuinely curious about what you're up to.

 

It's highly unlikely any of this will lead to a reconciliation. You would be wise to stop all communication with her for a good, long while and delete her off your social media. If you don't, you're one day going to get sucker-punched by seeing a photo or post of her with another guy. It's time to really accept that this is over so you can begin healing.

Thanks, I don't want to be friends with her, I doubt she even treats her friends like this.

I will ignore her from now on if she ever does get back in touch, I hate ignoring people because I think it's disrespectful but I guess it's the only way for her.

Thanks for your help. We were together for a little over three years. I still don't know the reasons why she seemed to distance herself. I didn't think I was trying smother her, maybe it comes across like that, I'm certainly not texting her every other day and When I text her by mistake I genuinely did text her by mistake.

Emotionally I'm a lot better now than I was, I still have my moments where I miss her but not half as bad now. I don't intend to contact her again and will let her be.