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Thread: Husband sends me into a Rage

  1. #1
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    Husband sends me into a Rage

    Iím a Stay at home mom to a little toddler. I donít have family around and most days revolve around my son. My husband comes home and never ever tells me Iím doing a good job. In Fact today he came home and said how I donít cook for him and thereís nothing to eat. I felt that it was a sexist and belittling comment and I lost it. On top of that Iím looking for a job (not even for the money just to get my sanity back) and find it really difficult considering I have a toddler around my legs on most days. I feel so defeated and Iím really resenting my husband like never before. When I talk to him he just shuts down and doesnt respond to anything I say.

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    I know I probably have no right to say anything here as I do not have kids or am married. But I have watched my mother raise my older brothers and me from a young age, and as I grew, I noticed the same thing from my dad, and my mom sometimes still complains to me, especially as she watched my niece and it's quite similar with my brother and sister-in-law. The only thing that I have seen that worked though was when my mom left for about a month, and it made my dad realize how to appreciate her more. I hope that helps.

  3. #3
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lisa Love
    Iím a Stay at home mom to a little toddler. I donít have family around and most days revolve around my son. My husband comes home and never ever tells me Iím doing a good job. In Fact today he came home and said how I donít cook for him and thereís nothing to eat. I felt that it was a sexist and belittling comment and I lost it. On top of that Iím looking for a job (not even for the money just to get my sanity back) and find it really difficult considering I have a toddler around my legs on most days. I feel so defeated and Iím really resenting my husband like never before. When I talk to him he just shuts down and doesnt respond to anything I say.
    If you are a stay at home mum, why didn't you cook? It's not sexist to expect you to cook if he is working a full-time job and you are a full-time mum and wife, which implies taking care of household chores and taking care of the children.


    But I think your issue goes far beyond just the cooking issue if that alone was enough to set you off into a rage, which implies uncontrolled anger. You need to try to understand the source of your anger and learn to empathize and communicate with your husband. It cannot be easy for him to talk with you if you have a tendency to blow up like that.

    If you didn't have kids, I would have said that you should probably just leave a man who causes you that much resentment, for whatever reason (I think it is internal, by the way)... but since you do have a kid together, I would recommend marriage counselling and and personal therapy to resolve your problems for the sake of your child.

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    I'm making the assumption that you and your child aren't going hungry, so when you're preparing those meals I don't understand why aren't you making enough for your husband too?

    I don't have kids, but I believe that toddlers tend to have a daytime nap, so wouldn't that be a reasonable time to get some food prep done? With frozen and microwave meals/ingredients you barely have to do anything.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You are home all day. You should be getting a meal ready for your spouse if he is gone all day to work, or at the very least, have enough groceries for the household.

    It's got nothing to do with being sexist, it's what the spouse who is at home should be doing. It could be where your husband stays home and you work, but either way, the person at home should be making dinner.

    There is no need for rage. If you are losing control to that degree, then you've got anger issues. I would be more concerned about you taking care of a child when you've got anger issues like that.

    This is what marriage is about, working together. It's not easy. Some days you will both be tired. Some days it won't be fun or happy. But you work together to make it work and to get through to the good days again.

    If you don't feel he's doing his job, then talk to him. Go to marriage counselling. Do what you can to work this out.

    Yes, being a stay at home parent can be very trying. No doubt about it. But this is what being a parent is about and what running a household and marriage is all about.
    It takes loads of work, commitment and patience.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Also, if your child is still a toddler, it's best that you are home with them to give them a stable environment. Child care is very costly.

    Are you apart of any mom groups? Do you have any play dates with other children? You should consider doing both as it will help you connect with other moms and get you out of the house.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Allyou can do is get some work and some help with daycare. Or move back to your parents and file for divorce.
    Originally Posted by Lisa Love
    I've been with my now new husband for 4 yrs. I met my Inlaws once right before I got pregnant. When I met them they were nice but ignored me and didn't ask me anything about myself or my family for a whole day. I was so hurt because I knew they were well aware that their son was dating me for years. My husband reassured me that it was just a cultural difference and they do like me. I'm muslim as well but I consider myself very liberal. Anywas 5 months later and when I go over to their house and were eating or something they sit there and I mean littely don't say a word to me. There were times I could not even swallow my food because of how uncomfortable I felt. Anther time we went to a picnic for an hour and his parents yet again said nothing to me. I was sitting there litterly staring into thin air and contemplating all of my life decisions. I felt dissapointed in myself that I got pregnant and married to someone's who's family has the nerve to treat me like that. When I wanted to leave my husband blamed it on me for not trying and I littely wanted to close my eyes and pretend that was not what my life had come to. were both trying to get on our feet for this baby due to unexpected financial issues and he keeps asking me to live with his family for th next three months until everything is resolved. Should I stay at my parents without my husband until the delivery or go with my husbad and his family who ignore me?

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    When I do Cook he either finds something wrong with it or tells me he ate at work. I mean nothing works with this person. This morning he had to take the toddler to daycare part time and I woke up with him 3 times last night cause he was coughing. After breakfast he still expects me to keep going and dress him up. While heís just sitting there drinking his coffee. He said if I donít dress him up he will leave him at home. I lost it yet again. At this point I donít even have the words to explain this situation.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lisa Love
    When I do Cook he either finds something wrong with it or tells me he ate at work. I mean nothing works with this person. This morning he had to take the toddler to daycare part time and I woke up with him 3 times last night cause he was coughing. After breakfast he still expects me to keep going and dress him up. While heís just sitting there drinking his coffee. He said if I donít dress him up he will leave him at home. I lost it yet again. At this point I donít even have the words to explain this situation.
    Unfortunately, you married quite a piece of work. Can you pack up yourself and your child and go spend some time with your family or a supportive friend so you can clear your head a bit and figure out what you want to do? It honestly sounds that with a personality like his, your only option is divorce. He will pick apart your child the same way, so please don't use the stay married to an a hole for the sake of the kids excuse.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Can you move back to your family? Is divorce allowed in your culture? Is this behavior traditional in his culture/family? If you can't accept the type of subservient behavior he expects, can you leave?
    Originally Posted by Lisa Love
    I lost it yet again. At this point I donít even have the words to explain this situation.

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