Ex left without giving us a chance.

I married the man of my dreams. He was kind, caring, loving, affectionate. Life was beautiful, we got along amazingly. We were newlyweds so of course we had little arguments here and there. However, we had a few issues that we never really talked about. Things that were kind of swept under the rug after being brought up briefly. You see, his family and I never really bonded. The first time meeting them, they said some rude, disrespectful things to me but I kept quiet. Every further encounter with them was very awkward. They would never make an effort to get to know me, never asked me questions, it seemed they had zero interest in me and couldn't care less about the woman their son chose to marry. I tried to engage in conversation with them, but it was always one word answers that I'd get. This was weighing very heavy on my heart, as I had expected our relationship to be different. My husband noticed this tension between his family and I, but for some reason, sided with his family, pointing the finger at me for why the relationship between us was the way it was. His family lived a few hours away from us, so we only saw them every few months. He had expressed to me that he was missing his family, and friends, and hometown, and I understood that, but would explain to him that that is the circle of life. You grow up, get married and create your own family. Yes you respect, love, and care for your parents/siblings, but eventually you build your own family and create your own life.

To get to the point, the last month of our relationship, his mom came to visit for a week, and he could feel the tension between us, even though we remained cordial, he could sense that we were not very fond of each other. We sat down alone and told me he could not live in our city anymore away from his family. That he was too stressed and feeling alone and he needed to go back to his hometown and be with his friends and family. I asked him if he was suggesting divorce, and he replied yes. I was broken, I was shocked, I was not at all expecting that. 2 days prior he was professing his love for me and how we were going to be with each other forever.

I left, and went to my parents house as he had asked for some space, he went to stay with his friend who was visiting. After a few days I called him to come home so we can talk about everything and fix everything. He refused saying it was too late to talk and his mind was made up. I waited for him to come home a day later, and he asked me to leave. Again, I was so broken, I felt like I meant nothing to him. How can he so easily throw away something so beautiful in a split second. Not even giving it a second thought. I ended up leaving, trying to respect him and his space and allow him some time to think. But he remained the same, 4 months later he moved back to his hometown, it's been a year since our divorce, and he is now asking me if I want to meet with him to figure things out, but says he is unable to come to me because of all the stress he associates with the city I live in. He is asking for me to make a 7 hour drive to meet him.

Am I crazy for considering meeting up with him after all this? Is it reasonable of him to ask this of me. He left me, without giving me a chance to talk to him, telling me it's too late, but now expects me to make the effort to go and figure things out. We've been talking on and off for a year, and every conversation is him blaming me for the breakdown of our marriage. Granted I wasn't the best at communicating, but where is the patience? if you claim to love your wife, shouldn't you be patient and understanding? Not leave her at the drop of a dime when you are feeling overwhelmed.

I don't know if this story made sense, there's just so much going through my mind, my thoughts are so jumbled.

your advice is appreciated.

Did he get a brain transplant? No. A personality transplant? Nope. A character transplant? Definitely not.

So what's the point of meeting him? You've seen who this man really is - someone who will abandon you, his marriage and run off like a little kid chasing whatever he thinks is greener, easier, prettier. Nothing has changed. He is still the same guy.

Don't believe me? Look carefully - he is asking you to drive to him 7 hours so HE can talk to you. Talk about being selfish, talk about jerking you around, and talk about playing control and dominance games. Is that really the kind of garbage that you want in your life? If you go running to him like that, all you will do is show him that you are a total doormat and boost his ego because he will see it as nothing more than his power over you, that you are still pining for his greatness and look how easily he can pull your strings. It's a sad picture that you'll present to him that doesn't warrant respect....and he already doesn't have any respect for anyone.

You are divorced. Thank your lucky starts, block his number and move on. Leave him in your dust and do not look back because this guy already showed you and is showing you that he is nothing but a selfish nightmare, a manchild rather than a man. You deserve better and he doesn't even deserve a response from you.

It sounds like he was never mature enough to have a marriage. A divorce is a blessing in this case. Not only should you not drive to him, there is no reason to stay in touch. It's holding you back. It's been a year, time to start dating real grown up men from decent loving families not this groups of oddballs. He belongs with them.

he moved back to his hometown, it's been a year since our divorce, and he is now asking me if I want to meet with him to figure things out.

I agree 100% with DancingFool. Why is he coming out of the woodwork now? Likely, he's realized he's not the great catch he thought he was and is feeling lonely as a single man. He took your marriage for granted and ended it with little to no explanation. I know you're likely still grieving the loss, but I promise if you drive to him, it will be no different. His family likely has not changed their tune about you either. I'm sorry you're hurting, and I wish you the best in your healing!

He has told me many times how his family doesn't understand what he saw in me. That he was a different person around me, that they couldn't recognize him anymore. I think that was their way of making him feel guilty for moving away from them.

Be happy that you are far away from these people. The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree and his telling you all this poison is as bad as them saying it. He wasn't man enough to stand for you or stay with you, so let him stay with his weird family.

It's been a year. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media, messaging apps and devices. Was he scheduled for an arranged marriage? Was there a cultural/religious difference?

He has told me many times how his family doesn't understand what he saw in me. That he was a different person around me, that they couldn't recognize him anymore. I think that was their way of making him feel guilty for moving away from them.

Be happy that you are far away from these people. The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree and his telling you all this poison is as bad as them saying it. He wasn't man enough to stand for you or stay with you, so let him stay with his weird family.

 

It's been a year. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media, messaging apps and devices. Was he scheduled for an arranged marriage? Was there a cultural/religious difference?

you're absolutely right.

No, there was no arranged marriage, no cultural/religious differences.

But I believe his family despised me because they saw me as the person that took him away from them. But I couldn't understand why they would put him in a position to feel as though it was me or them and he had to choose. I think that put a lot of strain on our marriage.

you're absolutely right.

No, there was no arranged marriage, no cultural/religious differences.

But I believe his family despised me because they saw me as the person that took him away from them. But I couldn't understand why they would put him in a position to feel as though it was me or them and he had to choose. I think that put a lot of strain on our marriage.

Bottom line is very simple. A normal healthy person will stand up for their choices and ask their family to respect them and their SO and if they won't, they'll distance themselves from the toxic family and continue to build their own life. This guy ditched his marriage instead and ran back to mommy and daddy. Nothing has changed.

He isn't coming to you, begging forgiveness, telling you that he sought counseling, got his head screwed on straight and is a better person now. Nope, he is asking you to come to his highness so he can talk down to you. Spare yourself the bs and the associated pain. Accept that him and his family are disordered and that's never going to change. Be glad you are out of this mess because it means a brighter future for you, free from their dysfunction.

Block, delete, move on. Be happy you don't need to deal with him anymore.

Hmmmmmm so he he didn't have any luck meeting someone new......so what's his next big idea? You. Don't fall for his bs. Don't even entertain the idea of meeting him 7 hours away....that's just ridiculous as it sounds.

He turned his back on you.

His minimal effort was to pick up the phone a year later and yet he expects you to make the 7 hour drive?

Does he have issues, because he left because he was overwhelmed and the 7 hour drive stresses him?

Where is any consideration for how his decision made you feel?

I'd would have hung up on him.

He needs to prove himself worthy of winning you back.

That's clearly not happening here.

Just seems like more of the same.

Yes! It would've crazy!

This guy never had your back. He treated you terribly. You need to expect more from people. Nothing has changed.

There's no way that I'd make the drive to cater to that wuss. He's a mama's boy, and that's where he wants to stay.

I'd hire a good lawyer and do whatever it takes to clean up old business and sever my ties. If the guy ever grows a pair and wants to track you down, let him do that. Otherwise, what does he have to offer you but empty words and more pain?

Head high, and move yourself forward. You will thank yourself later.