NC or Closure /.

we hvae been together 4 years, she was my best friend. I suffer from a love addict to love avoidant cycle. In layman terms i want them when they are distance and when they come close i find ways to sabatoge the relationship and bring them back in. Tihs is the most healthy relationship i have had in my life.

The main point of contention for me is lack or reciprocity. It is a closed system in which i do most of the giving. I don't know mind but do or die stuff comes up on on my own. So why a a liability w/o no assets. It was not forming into a relationship. It is culturally thing maybe. i would spend the rest of my life if she just offerred to do things, be normal sexually and make an attempt at showing up at family affairs. It should not have started I am all in on a start up and untill I finish or do something else I cannot take care of my needs and it is stressful. we slowly grew apart over the summer and she is spending holdiday with her family and me with mine. Which is fine but feels weird. Sexully we are not compatible for many reasons. I kove her anyway, a=dont know why.

we made it thru 3 rough years, and end of pain thins turning around. We never came to clousre some people say to do so, others say do no contact until they call you. It sounds like they will move on and now know how i feedl

If you know your are sexually compatible, but wish to stay with your partner, you cannot complain about sexual compatibility.

This relationship is toxic in the on again off again manner and will not eventually relax down into a constant flow.

Best to let it go for good, heal from it, seek elp for the love avoidance condition and move on with your life.

Sorry to hear this. How is it a 'cultural thing'? It sounds like you were incompatible. It sounds like a friendship or a very sexually frustrating dating situation.

i would spend the rest of my life if she just offerred to do things, be normal sexually and make an attempt at showing up at family affairs.

It should not have started I am all in on a start up and untill I finish or do something else I cannot take care of my needs and it is stressful.

Sexully we are not compatible for many reasons.l

Hey I understand, no one wants to be alone. So many make sacrifices so they can have someone there. I feel this is why you are so confused. You can love someone, and not be "in love". I feel you loved her dearly, but it wasn't enough to be in a romantic way, hence the sexual incompatibility. If you are not compatible, then it's impossible to emotionally connect and bond. It simply just died between you two, which happens, and it's perfectly normal. Don't go blaming yourself. The truth of the matter is, you haven't met the one. All this stuff about your lack of reciprocating, etc, is not all yours, it's because you are not with the right person. You are sad and adjusting to life without her, and yes that can be tough. The best thing you can do is go through the grieving process, and start to heal. You will find happiness again, you just have to give hope a chance, and free yourself from doubt.

I suffer from a love addict to love avoidant cycle.

Then it makes no sense to continue this cycle. Closure is in large part a myth, and it's highly overrated. You've been doing this dance for 4 years, so at what point will you buck up and put a stop to it?

You will thank yourself later.

You will be much better off by letting the relationship go. I struggled with being alone for my whole life, and I still struggle with it even now. I am a love addict myself and I'm also love avoidant too so I understand. As long as you are involved with her, you hold yourself back from meeting someone else who would better suit your needs. Besides, it would be better for you to remain in no contact (since she's not reaching out anyway) and use the distance from her to move on mentally and emotionally. Like the other poster said, you'll thank yourself later.