A red flag ?

So I was talking to this guy online I initially found really unattractive and not my type, not that I have a type he’s just far from any type (I accidentally liked him) and didn’t want to be rude and unmatch, anyway we ended up talking on the phone a few times and I think he’s funny and interesting and I like talking to him a lot and we planned to meet up maybe in the following week (clashing work schedules permitting). But then the other night he just stopped replying to my text and didn’t reply till the following afternoon which set alarm bells off for me (he said he had a headache and crashed out blah blah) Now I’m unsure about meeting him, I’m worried he may be a player or seeing someone else and I would rather not waste time meeting someone if that’s the case. Should I listen to my gut, it is usually right. Or should I meet him?

It's reasonable to reply to a text within 24 hours. If you want a faster reply call him.

That said, you guys got off the phone without a date scheduled? That's pretty lame.

First he's ugly and not your type and then maybe he's a player? Meet for a brief coffee, then you'll know more and can decide. Don't waste this much time on people you have not met in person. Make sure you are ready to date if you are on dating sites. Make sure you are not getting sucked into the text-buddy-zone.

So I was talking to this guy online I initially found really unattractive. we ended up talking on the phone a few times and I think he’s funny and interesting and I like talking to him a lot and we planned to meet up maybe in the following week.

I agree with Wiseman don't get hung up on guys you have not met in person. it's a huge time waster. I also agree with the part about, getting off the phone but haven't made a date.

Some people, not just guys, seem to just collect text and phone buddies. If you meet on line, set a time limit for yourself for when you'll meet. if you haven't met by that, move on.

And remember, if you don't find their pics attractive, chances are you won't find them attractive. people post their best shots. so if he's a 10 on line, hes probably a 7 in life. lol and this guy, you didn't even mean to like!

perfect example of we want someone great so bad, we see only what we want. sorry... I know I've done it, too. I knew the guy wasn't right, but I wanted him to be.... ugh.

I got better at being alone and then my choices got much easier. what's the saying? you can't make a silk purse out of a pig's ear.

forget this guy...

Him being really unattractive to you is all the reason you need to not meet up with this guy. His intention is meeting someone to date, he's not on there to make friends. You'd be wasting his time.

If this guy were here writing this about you, I'm sure you'd appreciate if he spared you the effort and the $5 on overpriced coffee. Exercise some empathy. A great personality can make the difference when someone may otherwise not be attractive enough for you to think enough of them. Not when you find them "really unattractive."

You sure haven't written very nice things about this guy. Even if he possibly might be a player, you find him ugly.

If the tables were turned and he was writing that about you, I doubt you'd be okay with it.

You've given more than one really big reason as to why you shouldn't bother with this guy ever again.

I agree with Wiseman don't get hung up on guys you have not met in person. it's a huge time waster. I also agree with the part about, getting off the phone but haven't made a date.

 

Some people, not just guys, seem to just collect text and phone buddies. If you meet on line, set a time limit for yourself for when you'll meet. if you haven't met by that, move on.

 

And remember, if you don't find their pics attractive, chances are you won't find them attractive. people post their best shots. so if he's a 10 on line, hes probably a 7 in life. lol and this guy, you didn't even mean to like!

 

perfect example of we want someone great so bad, we see only what we want. sorry... I know I've done it, too. I knew the guy wasn't right, but I wanted him to be.... ugh.

 

I got better at being alone and then my choices got much easier. what's the saying? you can't make a silk purse out of a pig's ear.

 

forget this guy...

Thankyou everyone so much for your advice.

I forgot to say I think he’s personality has made him more attractive to me now, I’m definitely not attractive so I can’t be fussy when it comes to looks, I’ll never get someone I find attractive physically, plus I’d rather be attracted to someone’s personality that way they can only improve. All the advice about meeting ASAP and not wasting time makes so much sense. He asked if I want to meet for a quick coffee tomorrow before I go to work, I really like talking to him so I want to at least see what he’s like in person. If it’s no good at least I’ll stop wasting time talking to him and can move along??

If this guy were here writing this about you, I'm sure you'd appreciate if he spared you the effort and the $5 on overpriced coffee. Exercise some empathy. A great personality can make the difference when someone may otherwise not be attractive enough for you to think enough of them. Not when you find them "really unattractive."

Yes, this >>> "Exercise some empathy. A great personality can make the difference when someone may otherwise not be attractive enough for you to think enough of them."

Yes, this >>> "Exercise some empathy. A great personality can make the difference when someone may otherwise not be attractive enough for you to think enough of them."

Yeh that’s what has happened I think, he’s got some swagger and confidence which makes him more appealing! I do have empathy because I can totally relate

Good luck then. Hope things turn out better than expected.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this time. He said he had a headache and crashed out. That could've been me.

I don't see the harm meeting him for coffee if he's local.

However, you've already stated he's not your type anyway so I wouldn't waste my time. Don't meet people online because it's risky. You don't know these online guys and they could end up being very shady and even dangerous.

Always listen to your gut instincts and intuition. If something doesn't add up, if someone doesn't ring true to you, your gut is always right on the mark.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this time. He said he had a headache and crashed out. That could've been me.

 

I don't see the harm meeting him for coffee if he's local.

 

However, you've already stated he's not your type anyway so I wouldn't waste my time. Don't meet people online because it's risky. You don't know these online guys and they could end up being very shady and even dangerous.

 

Always listen to your gut instincts and intuition. If something doesn't add up, if someone doesn't ring true to you, your gut is always right on the mark.

If I don’t meet them online how else will I meet them? I’m in meet up groups but they are mostly women. And I’m not the type of women random men approach to ask out, so online is probably my best bet.

I mean I don’t see the harm in meeting him for a coffee in a public place?

Yeh that’s what has happened I think, he’s got some swagger and confidence which makes him more appealing! I do have empathy because I can totally relate

So nice to hear, Boo!

If I don’t meet them online how else will I meet them? I’m in meet up groups but they are mostly women. And I’m not the type of women random men approach to ask out, so online is probably my best bet.

 

I mean I don’t see the harm in meeting him for a coffee in a public place?

The whole point of online dating sites is to find people to meet and perhaps date.

Going on an online dating site but refusing to meet anyone would be kind of a waste of time, no?

The whole point of online dating sites is to find people to meet and perhaps date.

 

Going on an online dating site but refusing to meet anyone would be kind of a waste of time, no?

Yes I agree, I’m just going to meet him and then I think I’ll get a better idea of what he’s like. It’s better than a oops than a what if as they say..

Is it normal to fee massively nervous and anxious already?

Is it normal to fee massively nervous and anxious already?

Over an "unattractive" guy you've never met?

Are you thinking this guy might be your new boyfriend?

Over an "unattractive" guy you've never met?

 

Are you thinking this guy might be your new boyfriend?

Haha no not at all, I’m just really nervous what if he doesn’t like me or is rude or thinks I’m unattractive compared to my photos or it’s super awkward. I’m shaking already and it’s still 24 hours away

Haha no not at all, I’m just really nervous what if he doesn’t like me or is rude or thinks I’m unattractive compared to my photos or it’s super awkward. I’m shaking already and it’s still 24 hours away

This doesn't make sense.

You fear he won't like you? How about wondering if YOU will like HIM?

If you're actually shaking I highly recommend you don't go. If a simple coffee date has you shaking and anxious you are probably not in any shape to be dating.

This doesn't make sense.

 

You fear he won't like you? How about wondering if YOU will like HIM?

 

If you're actually shaking I highly recommend you don't go. If a simple coffee date has you shaking and anxious you are probably not in any shape to be dating.

That’s true! I always get nervous before meeting someone, I have to push my limits, I’m usually fine after the first 2 minutes of meeting...

There is no harm. Big deal, you each get a cup of coffee and a have a brief conversation, so? It's well worth the cost of a cup of coffee and a couple minutes to either rule him in or out. Why bother dating online at all if you're not willing to meet?

If I don’t meet them online how else will I meet them? I mean I don’t see the harm in meeting him for a coffee in a public place?

If I don’t meet them online how else will I meet them? I’m in meet up groups but they are mostly women. And I’m not the type of women random men approach to ask out, so online is probably my best bet.

 

I mean I don’t see the harm in meeting him for a coffee in a public place?

Ask the women to introduce you to men, volunteer in places where men volunteer (like backstage theater), swing dancing lessons.

It can be anxiety provoking to meet a new person for the first time from a site but I promise it gets easier -I used some mantras/self-talk to get me over the stressful times -good luck!

There is no harm. Big deal, you each get a cup of coffee and a have a brief conversation, so? It's well worth the cost of a cup of coffee and a couple minutes to either rule him in or out. Why bother dating online at all if you're not willing to meet?

Yes that’s the way I have to look at it. One thing that slightly concerns me in all his photos you can never see his teeth, even on his 100s fb ones he never shows his teeth... I’m a bit concerned he may not have any but I guess this is the only way to find out..

That's why a quick cup of coffee is best. 🤓☕🙊 What if he has teeth but looks like s shark?🦈

One thing that slightly concerns me in all his photos you can never see his teeth, even on his 100s fb ones he never shows his teeth... I’m a bit concerned he may not have any but I guess this is the only way to find out..