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Thread: Ex boyfriend immediately on dating site

  1. #1
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    Ex boyfriend immediately on dating site

    My ex boyfriend and I finalized our break up on Sunday. Prior to that, we had taken a few weeks apart because he was unsure of whether or not he saw a future with me. Iíve found the whole thing to be so confusing and terrible and despite the ending, I had always very much saw a future for us together.

    I wanted to believe that he got scared and panicked, that maybe we just needed time apart and me giving him space would help him realize the terrible mistake he was making.

    Today though, one of my friends sent me a screenshot of a profile he made on Facebook dating and I feel like I got hit by a freight train.

    One week??? He couldnít even wait more than a week to try to move on from me? I want to be with him more than anything and this makes me feel like thereís no chance for that. Heís over and done and wiped away our year plus relationship like it didnít even matter.

    How can someone move on so quickly? Why do I feel like I donít matter at all to him?

  2. #2
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    I do understand how heartbreaking your situation is. It's downright shocking, IMO. I ask myself the same question time and time again. I was married for 29 years when he asked for a divorce. It seemed surreal. He gave me 11 days to move out once I found an apartment. All my belongings did not fit into the moving van so I'd go back to the house and pick up a few things while he was at work. On the 11th day after I moved out, I found her things in my bedroom and bathroom. Can you imagine that??? He didn't even have the common courtesy and respect to hide her things knowing I'd be going. Why are some men so thoughtless? I have no idea but perhaps your bf and my ex had move on, unbeknownst to us. Still, it's so hard to process how they could move on so quickly.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I apologise for being so bold but I feel it's safe to conclude that he didn't truly love you. Please do your best to forget this mind blowing incident and move on. Easier said than done; I get it. I wish I could give you a hug. In time, you will heal. I promise that you will be better off without him. Hang in there. Talk to a close friend or family member. It may help you to talk about it. Try to keep busy.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    You need to get better friends-- friends are who are more understanding and less "omg gurl."

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Plntldy22
    My ex boyfriend and I finalized our break up on Sunday. Prior to that, we had taken a few weeks apart because he was unsure of whether or not he saw a future with me. Iíve found the whole thing to be so confusing and terrible and despite the ending, I had always very much saw a future for us together.

    I wanted to believe that he got scared and panicked, that maybe we just needed time apart and me giving him space would help him realize the terrible mistake he was making.

    Today though, one of my friends sent me a screenshot of a profile he made on Facebook dating and I feel like I got hit by a freight train.

    One week??? He couldnít even wait more than a week to try to move on from me? I want to be with him more than anything and this makes me feel like thereís no chance for that. Heís over and done and wiped away our year plus relationship like it didnít even matter.

    How can someone move on so quickly? Why do I feel like I donít matter at all to him?
    At this stage, you should be concentrating on your own life, rather than wasting time on what your ex thinks or does.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Togo
    At this stage, you should be concentrating on your own life, rather than wasting time on what your ex thinks or does.
    Granted, but she's human and has feelings. You can't just turn off your feelings. They were on different pages but it hurts when you love or really care for someone and they quickly move on, leaving you baffled. Unless you are a sociopath, devoid of feelings.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    You need to get better friends-- friends are who are more understanding and less "omg gurl."
    Did it ever occur to you that perhaps her friend told her because she genuinely didn't want OP to get her hopes up? Just saying...

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Togo
    At this stage, you should be concentrating on your own life, rather than wasting time on what your ex thinks or does.
    I am sure she knows she needs to move on with her life but that doesn't negate her feelings. She has every right to feel whatever emotion she wants.

    Plntldy22, yes it's hurtful, instead though try to look at it as everyone processes the demise of a relationship differently. Maybe it will feel less "personal" that way.

  9. #8
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    I guess I naively thought we could figure this out. I thought he was my person and maybe this was just something we needed to go through. Apparently I was wrong. It just hurts to realize that someone who was my world for over a year, views me as expendable.. and can just toss me to the side and not think twice.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about this.

    Hard as it is, Iíd really try not to see this as verdict on you, what the relationship meant to him, or a way of measuring his love. My personal belief is that everyone is a flailing mess after breakups and everyone flails differently, at different times. Him on an app? Thatís a man flailing, end scene.

    I realize that doesnít bring comfort, but neither, I donít think, do stories about how youíre expendable. Youíre not. Youíre you and youíre awesome, as was the case before you knew him, during, and now. Heís incapable of complimenting that awesome now, which is devastating. But Iíd make that the thing to feel and mourn right now, if possible, rather than focusing on these kinds of specifics and spinning stories around them that just increase the hurt.

    Iíve flailed every which way a person can following a breakup, from celibacy to the swiping right, from riding a motorcycle at idiotic speeds to getting really into yoga and Buddhism. While Iím more proud of some of those choices than others, or at least see some as better for long term healing than others, none of them were reflective of my feelings for the person who had ended things, or who Iíd ended them with. It was just pain, and pain management, some more graceful than others.

    Maybe you can see this as that, and nothing more? Youíve got enough to process as is, and for all that Iím sorry. Hang in there. It will get better.

  11. #10
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    My 2 cents.... I think some people try to avoid the pain and hurt of a breakup by trying to just jump into something new. I don't think that's a great idea, but a lot of people do it. He could take a few months instead alone to think and heal. Ultimately, he's going to go on a date with some woman expecting a single guy, not a hurting fresh out of a relationship guy, and she'll be confused and hurt too. IMHO.

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